CD 17 (updated, since I can't count)

Well my new medication is still knocking me out. I have been beyond tired for the last three days. The good news is I somehow managed to clean out our apartment yesterday with my husband and didn't pass out. So finally what I've been dreading for weeks is over and tomorrow we have our walk-through with a staff member who we hope won't charge us hundreds of dollars for perceived damage, and then we'll be officially living in one place.

Today is cycle day 17 and I've had about three days of peak-type mucus so I took an ovulation test. It was negative, which wasn't really a surprise since it's only been three days of mucus. I've been really frustrated lately though. It's been 42 months since we've been trying. I have no idea how many cycles, since mine tend to be very long, but it's got to be in the high 30's. Three-and-a-half years. I'm just so tired of it all. When I begin to think how the fact that this has gone on so long means my chances are only getting lower day by day, I remember that I didn't start real treatment of any kind until last summer with my first laparoscopy. Everything before PPVI was a waste of time. At least the time that has passed is over with. Those are three-and-a-half years I never have to live over again, and I wouldn't want to. I just hope I don't have to live another three-and-a-half years of this. But then again, I'd go through many years of this if it ends with a pregnancy. It's the fear that this might go on for years and years and result in no babies that is at the heart of all of my frustration, anger, fear, depression, etc., etc.

I'm getting deja vu as I write this. I probably already wrote the exact same thing in another post, so I won't blabber on and on any more. Maybe it's the medication.

Since I've been posting photos lately, I'll end with a picture of two of my babies, Sophie and Carmie. And don't let it fool you - they hate each other.



Update - Well, it's actually CD 18, but who's counting?! And to follow up to Lifehope's comment, I would be very surprised if I'm at the end of my peak days because I usually have ten or more (that was pre-surgery...post-surgery I've had a much more "normal" 8-10 days, but still, I'm only at about five). I'm pretty sure I'm in the middle of my fertile days and will have a positive ovulation test in a couple days. Not that anyone cares, but since I have it in front of me, here are some more details: I had peak-type mucus on day 11, day 14, day 16, day 17, and day 18 so far. I usually have like ten days of peak-type mucus, and even though I skipped a day there on day 15, it was probably because I didn't follow PPVI protocol, like looking for it the right ways and at the end of the day and all of that. The fact that I skipped some day between days 11 and 14 worries me, because it could be my ovaries trying to kick start (like they used to when I didn't ovulate), but then again that usually happened at the end of my cycle. I'd have peak days on and off for over two weeks. So this isn't a big deal. I'm actually pretty hopeful, as hopeful as I get (which isn't much).