Sorting things out

I have a problem with my mind being very unorganized. It's like if I don't stop and think things through, then all my negative thoughts are just floating around in my head, making me go nuts.

For example, I've been very stressed about infertility lately, specifically that things are moving slowly, that we seem to be back to square one after getting rid of the endometriosis, that I'm not ovulating, and that I'll never have children. So I decided that enough was enough, and I needed to organize my thoughts and deal with this. So this is what I came up with...

1) I decided to forget about endometriosis. It's gone (hopefully for good) and it obviously wasn't our only hurdle. I need to remove it from my mind and move on.

2) I'm not ovulating. If I find out this theory is incorrect, then wonderful. But right now all evidence suggests that I don't ovulate and maybe haven't in quite some time.

3) There are treatments to help me ovulate. There are worse problems to have, and from everything I've read, there are several reasons I may not be ovulating and there are also several treatments to attempt to get me to ovulate. My high prolactin levels could be causing me to not ovulate and if that is the sole problem, then I could begin ovulating in the next couple months (when the medication starts to work).

This may all seem very obvious, but because of the way my mind works, I really needed to sort it out. I work better when there are just one or two problems to focus on. Lately it has seemed like the cause of my infertility is just so up in the air and that made me feel very out of control, causing me to become stressed.

So here's another list.. This is what I am going to be doing to be pro-active about my infertility in the next couple months:

1) I am taking medication for my high prolactin.
2) I am learning how to chart excess mucus so I can get a peak+7 blood draw this month.
3) I WILL get a peak+7 blood draw this month.
4) I will get an ultrasound series in May.

Those are all good things that will give us very helpful information. I feel better already! And if I want to be hopeful, then I can think about the fact that there's a chance that my high prolactin level may be my only problem, and once my medication lowers my prolactin, that I could get pregnant. You never know! Yes, there may be more going on there, but high prolactin definitely causes women not to ovulate (at least according to the trusty internet).

PPVI called me back on Friday (as I'm showering of course, and I took the call since it probably would have been Monday before they called me back again) and said the spotting was likely due to low progesterone. The nurse said it is possible to have such a problem during one cycle and not the next (which I wanted to know since I've never had that happen before). She also said that before I can get a hormone series done, that I need to do the peak+7 draw. Oh.. and my pregnancy test was negative. Shocker.

I've also been in a lot of pain since this cycle began, which has never really happened before (endometriosis pain use to be the day before my period, not once it began). I was in so much pain at the grocery store the other day that I had to stop and rest. I'm going on the assumption that it is due to my surgery and perhaps things are still healing, but it's really getting on my nerves.

It's a good day today because it's opening day for the New York Mets! Woo hoo! It's also a good day because I worked on my documentary, which I had been putting off a little bit. And, for whatever reason (probably hormones), I feel a little more hopeful today. Well, maybe not hopeful but just relaxed about infertility. I've also been warming up to the idea of adoption a little. We'll see.