Fun with new symptoms

So this new symptom (a drop of blood on day 27) has got me so crazy I am actually googling "implantation bleeding." That is craziness! I have to admit it's not the first time I've looked that up, but this is the first time I've actually seen blood (and I should point out that despite checking every twenty minutes, I still haven't gotten my period as of 3 p.m. today). So against my better judgment, I studied up on it once again and to my surprise I kind of fit the bill. Very light spotting? Check. Some cramping? Check. Six to 12 days post ovulation? Check.. oh wait. It was eight days past when I personally feel like I ovulated (ha! I think I ovulated? That's being optimistic) but only three days past when my chart says I ovulated. So.. you have to suspend a lot of belief to think this could possibly be implantation bleeding. You'd have to somehow look past the peak-type mucus I had on day 24. You'd have to ignore the peak-type mucus and positive OPK I had on day 22. And you'd have to believe I ovulated somewhere in the middle of all my mucus days. Actually, if you follow the 6-12 day rule (I use "rule" loosely..I got that information online), then I could hope to have ovulated anywhere from day 16 to 21 (all peak-type mucus days) for this to have been implantation. (Let me pause here to say that I do not, I repeat, do not think I am pregnant. I would be very lucky to have ovulated. It's just fun to obsess over something new).

So what have I concluded? That this spotting is a brand new symptom that could mean something. It could mean something good (I'm pregnant, or I ovulated [although last I checked, spotting isn't a sign of ovulation], or my hormones are trying to correct themselves) or it could mean something bad (I didn't ovulate, my hormones are even screwier than before, or something new is wrong). I actually really feel excited that something new is going on, whatever it is.

I should also mention that before I took the huge step of searching for "implantation bleeding," I contemplated whether or not this action would be risky, whether it would get me too excited. But after doing it I truly feel okay. I am not going to find out I'm pregnant. I know that. I will get my period a few days from now, and that will be fine. I just have a very positive outlook for some reason.

I've posted before about my conversion back to Catholicism a few years ago (I never left, I just needed some re-awakening). One of the final parts of that process was when a Sister of St. Joseph advised me to give up my unbelief on Easter Sunday. To just ask God on that morning to take it all away. Well, it worked, not immediately that day, but a couple months later I suddenly realized I had been believing for a while and hadn't thought twice about it. So I'm going to try that again tomorrow. I'll ask God to take away my constant worry, anxiety, and depression having to do with infertility. I want to feel a peace with it and I know He wants that for me too. I'm convinced that if I do my part and truly turn it over to Him, then He will answer my prayer and take my anxiety away. I will pray for all of you too!

By the way, I just wanted to add something that happened to me last week. I'm not superstitious but this is just for fun... I was baking banana bread and when I cracked an egg, it had a double yolk. A couple days later I decided to look up the meaning online, and sure enough, many people believe it's a sign of an impending pregnancy! I was excited, until I read that many other people believe it means death. Oh great! Good thing I don't believe in things like this!