More photos of my babies

I am still loving my new camera, so that means you get to see more pictures of my pets. 

Here's Jasper, the eldest of our babies.

A very pregnant - and feral - cat wandered onto the outdoor weather set of the t.v. station where Ryan and I worked together back in 2002. She had kittens and we took one of the boys home. It turned out a few months later that Jasper was actually a girl.

Despite her feral roots (of which Ryan likes to remind her), she's an elegant cat. She's very thin, nearly underweight. She's also the alpha animal of our house, so her size is not due to her inability to get to the food dish. She could have as much as she wants because she is in charge.

Despite our constant love and affection, she is ornary, to say the least, and cries ALL...THE...TIME. As we like to tell her, we know she has it bad. Really bad. We are mean, horrible parents who don't even let her go outside, except for a stretch of several months where we used to live (until she got lost and almost didn't make it back in time to join us on our move down south). 

She lives each day longing to be an outdoors cat, but, believe it or not, she even cries when we let her out - supervised, of course - so we're not quite sure what she's trying to tell us, other than that she likes to complain. You'd think that perhaps something is wrong with her, but she's fine. She is just a cry baby. 

The other day when we heard her muffled cry, I frantically checked all the closets, where she's been known to fall asleep and then get trapped inside. She was no where to be found, and then it hit me - she was outside. She must have escaped when we were going in or out (it is a constant battle; we never open the door very wide because she WILL outsmart you) and when she realized we weren't right behind her to yell her name and chase her all over the yard, she came crying at the door. It was also raining, but she would have come home anyways because she loves us.

She's also super smart and I even taught her sign language. She waves her hand when she wants some of my food. And she is very picky - she only does this once in a great while. That's how I know when she really wants something I have. She loves rotisserie chicken.

Then there's Sophie...

But you know all about her. When we picked her up, the breeder told us she'd never be a show dog because of her pink nose. And her lazy eye. Oh, darn. We had big plans.

Don't you just love that face?

This isn't one of our pets, but it's on my mind right now...

Low-fat, low G.I. cheesecake bars I made last night, and it tastes even better than it looks. I'm about to go get one. I love my diet. 

Don't worry, I'll post the recipe tomorrow, complete with a picture tutorial. 

Cycle update and Carmie J.

Isn't it funny how once we ovulate (or have an "ovulatory event" - I'm not going to believe I ovulated until I get pregnant), we forget what cycle day we're on? At least I do. I started to write what day I'm on and I have no idea. So, instead, I will say that I am eleven days past peak. Eleven days and no spotting in sight, at least at this very moment.

Last cycle I think my luteal phase was eleven days. The cycle before that it was twelve. So I might start tomorrow, or I might start on Tuesday. Or I might not start at all. Hahaha... Of course I am just kidding! What a jokester I am. I definitely do not feel like this cycle is any different than any other failed cycle. I feel pre-menstrual (whatever that means, since it always seems to manifests in different ways) and nothing feels out of the ordinary. I've had a sensation in my legs on an off through the entire cycle, so that can be checked off the list. I'm starting to get depressed, which always happens. And my bbs are sore, but, then again, that could be my new bra.

Not starting my cycle is a good thing, I guess, since I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. If I am able to start taking Femara, then at least I can start it this cycle. I have to say, my doctor's appointments always seem to be scheduled at just the right time (this has not gone unnoticed, God!), which usually means the perfect time for whatever necessary blood work. Tomorrow it will hopefully mean the perfect time for drugs.

The actual reason for tomorrow's appointment is for an adoption physical. I'm a little nervous about how it will all go down. See, at my last appointment I asked my infertility doctor (not that that's his official title) if he could do the physical when the time came. He said yes. I knew to ask because a friend of mine goes to him as well, and he did her adoption physical. But then when I called to make the appointment, the woman on the phone acted like that was nuts and said he can't do that. So, believing that she was nuts instead, I went ahead and made the appointment for an annual. I hope that when I get there tomorrow I will tell him why I'm really there, hand him the physical checklist and he will say okay.

Let's be honest - the adoption physical is just a front. More face time with him means more time to talk about my cycles, which means more time to figure out what's going on, which means more time to get me pregnant. If he says tomorrow that he can't do the physical, I will just schedule one with a primary care physician, and I will at least get a chance to show him my chart and ask for Femara. It will be more than worth the three-hour round-trip drive.

So hopefully I'll have a lot to update tomorrow!

On a completely unrelated topic, I got a new camera for my birthday and I love it. It's 13.6 megapixels. 13.6! To put it in perspective, the four-year old camera we got for our wedding that I have been using was only 3.1. That's like quadruple the megapixels!

To show the fruits of my new camera, I thought I'd post a picture of one of my cats, since they don't get a lot of attention on this blog (although they just did, in fact, get some play when I posted our Christmas card photo last week. Speaking of that picture, I later realized I messed up because I failed to post the actual Christmas card in which I included the bible verse for which this blog is named. It was a little shout out to anyone on our Christmas card list who knows about the blog, which is about three people, or so I hope. Anyways...)

So this is Carmie:



Or Carmie J. as Ryan likes to call him. He's definitely our most photogenic pet (sorry Sophie and Jasper). He's also the fattest, by a landslide. He's also on the bottom of the pet totem pole - he is dominated by both Sophie and Jasper and any other animal that visits our house, for that matter.


Isn't he cute, though?

He's named after Carmelo Anthony who played for our favorite college basketball team, Syracuse, when they won the national championship. At the end of that season we went out in search of an orange cat to name Carmelo. We attempted to call him Melo, which is his namesake's nickname, but it just didn't stick. He's definitely a Carmie.

We say that Carmie is a lover because when given the choice of where to sleep in the entire house, he chooses right next to you with at least one arm or leg wrapped around you. It's the sweetest thing, but also hot in the summer.

So that's one of our pets. To make use of my camera, I'll profile the others in the days ahead, so get excited!

Movie update

How is it that my pets sleep all day long and all night, too? I was in our backyard for a little while this afternoon and Sophie was bothered to have to be out there with me. I was clearly disrupting her all-day nap. (And this shot will be her last with the current long-hair look she's sporting. She getting groomed tomorrow, but don't tell her that).

While they sleep, I've been hard at work on my movie. We've scheduled the premiere for August 12 in Uti.ca, New York, which is where the movie is set. And we're SO excited that it's going to be held here. It's a really classy art museum that has a theater, which we are renting for a very reasonable price. It probably didn't hurt that the woman we needed to contact recognized my husband's name and must have liked him when he was on t.v. there (have I mentioned that basically NO ONE remembers me from the news there but he is like the biggest deal. And we were co-anchors!). I don't think any of my fellow bloggers are from that area, but if you are, let me know if you want to come to the showing. It's free, but there are a limited number of seats so we're taking reservations.

We also met with a company that will be making our DVDs. So now I'm working on the artwork for the jacket and although I have designed brochures, newsletters and websites in the past, I am by no means a graphic artist by trade (anyone understand DPI?). I was trying to use screen shots from the movie today, but I think I'm going to have to bite the bullet and "re-create" some of the images with a still camera next week. I'll be able to do that because I'm going back to NY next Wednesday (driving all by myself, mind you) to do some freelance t.v. work, so not only will I be able to get the shots, but I'll also be able to visit my family (and make some money!).

In other exciting documentary-related news today - my movie website is listed on daniellebean.com. I am pumped!

CD 17 (updated, since I can't count)

Well my new medication is still knocking me out. I have been beyond tired for the last three days. The good news is I somehow managed to clean out our apartment yesterday with my husband and didn't pass out. So finally what I've been dreading for weeks is over and tomorrow we have our walk-through with a staff member who we hope won't charge us hundreds of dollars for perceived damage, and then we'll be officially living in one place.

Today is cycle day 17 and I've had about three days of peak-type mucus so I took an ovulation test. It was negative, which wasn't really a surprise since it's only been three days of mucus. I've been really frustrated lately though. It's been 42 months since we've been trying. I have no idea how many cycles, since mine tend to be very long, but it's got to be in the high 30's. Three-and-a-half years. I'm just so tired of it all. When I begin to think how the fact that this has gone on so long means my chances are only getting lower day by day, I remember that I didn't start real treatment of any kind until last summer with my first laparoscopy. Everything before PPVI was a waste of time. At least the time that has passed is over with. Those are three-and-a-half years I never have to live over again, and I wouldn't want to. I just hope I don't have to live another three-and-a-half years of this. But then again, I'd go through many years of this if it ends with a pregnancy. It's the fear that this might go on for years and years and result in no babies that is at the heart of all of my frustration, anger, fear, depression, etc., etc.

I'm getting deja vu as I write this. I probably already wrote the exact same thing in another post, so I won't blabber on and on any more. Maybe it's the medication.

Since I've been posting photos lately, I'll end with a picture of two of my babies, Sophie and Carmie. And don't let it fool you - they hate each other.



Update - Well, it's actually CD 18, but who's counting?! And to follow up to Lifehope's comment, I would be very surprised if I'm at the end of my peak days because I usually have ten or more (that was pre-surgery...post-surgery I've had a much more "normal" 8-10 days, but still, I'm only at about five). I'm pretty sure I'm in the middle of my fertile days and will have a positive ovulation test in a couple days. Not that anyone cares, but since I have it in front of me, here are some more details: I had peak-type mucus on day 11, day 14, day 16, day 17, and day 18 so far. I usually have like ten days of peak-type mucus, and even though I skipped a day there on day 15, it was probably because I didn't follow PPVI protocol, like looking for it the right ways and at the end of the day and all of that. The fact that I skipped some day between days 11 and 14 worries me, because it could be my ovaries trying to kick start (like they used to when I didn't ovulate), but then again that usually happened at the end of my cycle. I'd have peak days on and off for over two weeks. So this isn't a big deal. I'm actually pretty hopeful, as hopeful as I get (which isn't much).