My messed up cycle

I have a cold and sore throat again today. I also have lower abdominal cramping. Yesterday it was pretty painful at one point. What the heck is that all about? I have no idea what it is, especially now that the endometriosis is gone. And it's on both sides, so I doubt it has something to do with one ovary, like a cyst or something. I also had peak-type mucus yesterday, which complicates things. It's cd 25 today, so I had mucus on day 24. CD 24! Who knows, I might even have some today! But what worries me is I'm supposed to get my bloodwork done (if I can find a lab) on peak +7. So the seven days starts today (unless I have more mucus). My cycle might not even last that long. At first I was worried because I thought this would mess up my blood test, but then I realized I shouldn't worry because if something is wrong, hopefully the bloodwork will show it.

So I definitely didn't ovulate like normal this cycle, and I probably didn't ovulate at all. I can't wait to find out what is actually wrong.

I think I am really starting to get somewhere with my trust issues. I have felt more relaxed about it the last couple days. One thing I think I have going for me is that I've never really thought there was a chance I'd get pregnant each month. It's not a lack of hope in a bad way, I know everything is possible with God, but I tend to look at my situation more long-term. It's in God's hands, and I just have a feeling that his time is not in the near future. But if it is, then great! Maybe this is a bad thing, but I really don't think so. I think not stressing over each month is good. It's hard to explain. After so many years of this it's natural that you stop thinking this will be the month. Something is very wrong healthwise and hopefully we'll work on fixing it next cycle, or the next. I'm sure one day (hopefully soon) I will think there's a chance I could get pregnant each month.

Sorry if this is confusing. The important thing is that I'm not upset by this right now. That could change tomorrow, but today I'm okay. I'm also trying to focus on being happy with my life in the present. Thanks to infertility, I live my life waiting. I usually feel like the present time isn't worthwhile, that it is just a time that I must live through until I find out if I'll ever have biological children. I'm constantly thinking about the future. If I live that way I'll miss out on many years of my life and I'm quite sure it's not pleasing to God.