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It's official. Well, it's far from official, but I told the woman from the attorney's office that we had all the money ready to go and we want her. She said that she'd call the two other couples she had spoken with and tell them the baby was no longer available.

My life as I know it is over.

We are still in shock. How else could I expect to feel?

So my day went down like this: I woke up sort of sad and not sure about things. Just overwhelmed, I think. I just want so badly to only do God's will and I think I just wished that God could whisper in my ear that He has always planned for us to raise this very baby. Usually when I'm upset there's nothing my husband can do to talk me out of it, but in this case it hardly took him any effort at all before I felt better.

We headed downtown to watch the Syracuse game at a sports bar with Amber and her husband and another friend. As I updated them on everything I realized that it was silly to let everything hinge on whether they'd let us pay $5,000 over time. We have compiled the money (a miracle of its own, I might add) and there's no point in paying some of it later just for the sake of doing that. Everyone agreed I should call her. Right then. So I went to the bathroom where it was quieter, opened my phone to call, and saw that someone had called me at that exact moment - TCIE! I thought that was funny. After I hung up with her, I called the woman and left a message. She called me back shortly and we had the conversation I described above.

I hardly watched the game (they lost, which normally would have made me very upset, but not today) and spent most of the time brainstorming baby names with Amber. Still unsure about that though!

As for when we'll get her, that's still up in the air. On Monday we'll have our home study faxed to their office, they'll submit it to ICPC. I think what will end up deciding when we can go is when our money becomes available to us. It's coming from a few sources and some of it will take longer to get to us. We hopefully will have it by Friday. So either we'll go this week (paying them and taking her home on Friday) or next week.

I'm still pretty calm. But I'm already working on a nursery design like it's my job!

I also have another interesting story that you all might like. My mom called me while we were watching the game this afternoon to tell me that she had been cleaning out a messy, cluttered closet (seriously, it has been accumulating stuff since I was very little) today when all of a sudden a piece of paper literally floated down from a shelf and landed right in front of her. It was pristine and looked brand new, not folded, crumpled or dusty like everything she'd been pulling out of there and trashing. She looked at it and discovered it was a novena to St. Therese. She had never seen it before and has no idea how it got there. Here's what it said:

May today there be peace within
May you trust your highest power that you are
exactly where you are meant to be.....
May you not forget the infinite possibilities
that are born of faith
May you use those gifts that you have
received, and pass on the love that has been given to you....
May you be content knowing that you are a child of God....
Let this presence settle into your bones, and
allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance,
and to bask in the sun...
It is there for each and every one of you......

Just what I needed to hear! I was worried I wasn't exactly where I was supposed to be (I know, that sounds silly, but I'm silly) and this reminded me that I am. And, I should point out, today is my birthday and St. Therese's birthday. Maybe the novena was her birthday present to me!

This is definitely a birthday I'll never forget. I told God at adoration this week that that for my birthday I wanted some of my heartache to be eased. Just let it hurt a little less. I had no idea what He had in mind.