I just came from adoration. I have never been more confident that I am supposed to spend this time of waiting suffering gracefully, and graciously, and absorbing everything that God wants me to learn. I want to give myself over to him completely and for him to allow us to follow only his path, whatever that may be. I told the Lord tonight that although I fail miserably at this every day, to have mercy on me and I will continue to do my best.
But, seriously, I am pathetic. Do you know how long it's been since I prayed a Rosary? And I choose the computer or television over prayer every day. But then, when I need him, I turn to God, begging him to deliver me from my suffering. When it's convenient for me, I pray for myself and maybe throw in some prayers for all of you and anything else that crosses my mind. What is wrong with me? I need to overhaul things in a big way.
I dreamed I was pregnant last night. I'd never done that before. I've dreamed of babies, which may or may not have been mine, but never of being pregnant. In my dream it was very early on, and although I'd like to say it had the potential to be realistic, it did not. I was seeing my doctor (not my real doctor) in what looked like a college dorm room. The only thing I remember is I was sitting on a bed with a friend next to me and the "doctor" told me I was one and a half centimeters dilated. What!? I wasn't even showing yet! I looked around and there were women sitting on the other side of the bed, waiting for their appointments. It was very weird. I remember being very happy, though!
Today I took my last dose of Tamoxifen. I don't think I had any side effects, but I did have some heartburn the last two days and I got nauseous briefly tonight. I also had some pain on my left side near my ovary last night, and it was bad enough to take advil, which I hardly ever do (because I like to be completely aware of the pain). I had more pain there tonight, around the same time, but it wasn't nearly as bad and I didn't take anything this time.
I've also been meaning to ask, does anyone know how I could get some more charts? I ran out, and I asked my instructor for more, but she's really busy and so I don't want to bother her again. I could make my own, which I will probably do, but I really wanted more Creighton ones. If anyone has any suggestions, like if I can buy them somewhere, please let me know.
Speaking of charting, today is cycle day seven. My chart looks like this so far:
1-L
2-H
3-M
4-VL 0AD
5-VL 0AD
6-0AD
7-VL 8B x2 (I'm not sure this is charted correctly)
I figure the spotting is due to the Tamoxifen and so I'm not concerned. I am excited for this cycle and if it is not THE cycle, then I will do my best to stay positive. Lord, have mercy on me!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Adoration and medication
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I WROTE AN EXACT SAME POST ABOUT ADORATION!!!!!! I wrote it yesterday and haven't posted it yet, its in my saved files! I have been going to adoration a lot lately and I was writing about my experience. OH MY GOSH!!!! I wrote almost verbatim-how I give into my computer more than my rosary/prayer!!!! That is wild! And I have been begging for Mercy as well....This is crazy....
ReplyDeleteI remember the day before St. Gianna's feast day I read your blog about it being St. Gianna's Feast day. I remember running to start the novena and that night I had a dream about looking down at my positive pregnancy test. My world around me was spinning but the positive pregnancy test was in my hands. It was WILD. I NEVER dream I am pregnant always everyone else.
I see your dream about you being pregnant and not showing, but being dialated. Maybe you aren't showing because we as IF's can't really imagine what being pregnant is like, especially on us. But if God spoke to St. Jospeh in a dream saying that the Holy Spirit conceived in Mary's womb, its possible for us too! I think my dream was definately a sign. I think that was my prayer--Will I ever get pregnant? And it was answered after one day of the novena! St. Gianna is so quick to respond! I love that about her!!!
I know I am offering TCIE services. But she might be able to send you some! ;) I was thinking of making my own on my computer as well. but I really like the stickers, at first I HATED them. :)
My husband bought me a laptop for Christmas, and so now I am on the computer more than ever. It is dangerous...especially for my prayer life. I want to be checking the blogs all of the time, to the point where I am too tired to pray before going to bed. As you said, what is wrong with that picture! Your post helped me realize this about myself. God have mercy on all of us!
ReplyDeleteI had dream last night that I was pregnant, too! In the dream, I couldn't beleive that "it" worked! I was just so astonished in my dream. :) I haven't been to adoration in a month but have been to daily mass this week, twice! I love using the Magnificat daily prayers, if you are looking for something structured.
ReplyDelete1st, your VL 8Bx2 is perfectly charted.
ReplyDelete2nd, if you need more charts and your Practitioner is busy, she can put you in touch with a fellow Practitioner to mail them to you. (Worst case scenario, email me and I can send you a couple. But it's important to let your Practitioner know that you got a new one/s, because we keep a log book of how many charts each client has been given.)
3rd... I am LOVING all these posts today! Everyone seems to have been given a beautiful re-awakening of their faith this week, in all kinds of different ways. I love it!
BTW-You are on a great sleeping schedule for a newborn? What time do you go to bed? :) I can barely stay awake pass 8pm. ;)
ReplyDeleteTCIE-Why do you keep a log book? :) Are they as good as gold or something? hehehehehe