Offering it up

So I am trying out a new coping mechanism.

For a while now, I have been deeply, deeply bothered by some things - things Catholics do that are not in accordance with the Church, or really, anything anyone does that could cause the Lord sorrow. For example, anything from the president promoting abortion to people taking the Eucharist who should not be taking it.

Now, I know I shouldn't go around judging others, and every time I pray for people I see doing wrong, I always make a point to pray for myself and my own sins first. I know I am not perfect, not even close, but it doesn't change the fact that my heart breaks when I see people making mistakes. Not only do I feel pain for Christ because I know he longs for these souls, but I feel pain for the people themselves. For whatever reason, they are on my heart and I feel called to pray for them.

At the same time, I know that with everything I need to fix within myself, I shouldn't be wasting time pointing the finger at others. But lately, I just haven't been able to shake my sadness for all these people. I wrestle with it internally and I feel like it is eating away at me because there is nothing I can do about it. Yes, I pray, but it just doesn't feel like enough. I mean, the world is going to hell in a hand basket! Do any of us feel better after praying for, say, an end to abortion? As long as it's still going on, you never feel good about it.

So, the other day I had an epiphany. All of a sudden, I felt strongly that I needed to combine the two issues I am currently struggling with: My desire to "save" these people who I see sinning against the Eucharist, and my infertility. So I decided that whenever I feel depressed about my current inability to procreate, I will offer up my suffering for all those who are causing our Lord sorrow in this way.

I am actually pretty hopeful about this. Usually I know right away if something will work, and I really feel like this will. I'll let you know how it goes.

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In cycle news, it's cycle day 10. I saw some peak-type mucus rather early this cycle (days six through eight), but then yesterday was a 6PC day (pasty, cloudy). Then, when I spent most of the day without mucus today, I was starting to get concerned that something weird was going on. A bunch of good mucus days early, then two dry days? But tonight my cervix came through and I saw some 10 C/K L (stretchy, cloudy-clear, lubricative). There's one less thing to worry about, I guess. Maybe I'll actually ovulate at a normal time this cycle! If I end up having eight days of mucus (which I believe is a really good amount), then that means I'm gearing up for a cycle day 14 peak day! Okay...I'm not getting all worked up about this. I know I cannot plan out my cycle, no matter how hard I try!

Physically, I am EXHAUSTED today. It's one of those days when every time I stand up, I have to be prepared to black out a little and nearly fall over. Nice, right? And while two days ago I wanted to eat everything I could get my hands on, today and yesterday I have had to force myself to eat. I just know that is related to hormones.

Emotionally, I am feeling great. Today was such beautiful weather, that you couldn't help but be in a good mood. And we had a new storm door installed yesterday, so I was able to leave the main door open today, which meant the living room was flooded with light. And since it's one of those doors where you can move the screen up and down, I used the screen all day and it just felt like Spring! I just love thinking about a new season being here. It's just something different, you know? And different is exactly what I need.