Sunday, February 1, 2009

Heading home

Well I'm leaving tomorrow morning to head back home. It's been a long week and I miss my husband (although I did get to see him Saturday 4:45 a.m. through Sunday 5 a.m. He was so great and drove through the night to get here for the funeral), but I always hate leaving.

The funeral was beautiful. As everyone said all weekend, my grandmother would have loved it. She was impressed by everything, and the wake and the Mass would have impressed her. The flowers, my video, everyone who traveled from far and wide to be there, she would have thought it was all so amazing. And, speaking of that, I was thinking today about how when some people die and I try to picture them in heaven, I can't. Not that they aren't good people, but they may be the type of person you just cannot picture worshipping at the feet of God. I'm sure they do it, but it's just hard to picture, you know? But I can totally picture my grandmother. When she got to heaven I'm sure she was thoroughly blown away. She was just like that.

My grandfather is staying with my parents now and he has a lot of good moments but also some sad moments, which is to be expected. He is also talking more than any of us have ever heard him talk before, so that's good. Tonight my mom and I watched the Super Bowl with him and it was actually a lot of fun. He was really into it, which surprised us both. At one point, though, when he was getting sad and asking us why someone who did so much good was taken from him, we started talking to him about God and prayer, and he was very receptive. He said he prays all the time, and so we talked to him about my grandmother being in heaven and watching over him and even interceding for him. That seemed to make him feel a little bit better, which I thought was a great sign. Hopefully his faith can give him comfort in the days ahead.

Speaking of my mom, I told her about my blog tonight (hi, Mom!). I'm so glad I did! I always knew I'd be open about it, and I've kind of made the transition to openness over the last year. At first I added a picture, talked about where I lived, started using my husband's name and even, at times, using my own uniquely-spelled name (which is definitely not google-proof). Then my in-laws discovered it and when that turned out to be such a blessing, I knew I'd soon tell my family as well. I know complete openness is not for everyone, or varying degrees of it might work for you, but this is what I have felt called to do. And now I feel so liberated!

In other news, we got our approval letter from the adoption agency! Ryan got home this afternoon from his trip and after a couple hours finally called me and then after talking for several minutes finally mentioned that when he got the mail it was in there. I'm like, couldn't you have led with that? We're not officially on the list yet because we have to sign a paper and drop it off, but we'll do that on Tuesday.

Alright, I've got to go to bed. I'm getting up at seven, which is pretty early for me, and I have a long trip ahead.


  1. I was apprehensive at first to let my family know about my blog. I just didn't know how to let them know about how deep our pain is and how real it is. We talked about it a little and that feeling of being a failure at something neither of my mothers had problems with overwhelmed me somewhat. But since then, my mother has me print it out every few weeks and my mother in law reads it. (My mom doesn't do computers)

    It felt so good to have them involved and to know everything. It is much easier to write it most times than to actually verbalize it - for me at least.

    love your blog!

  2. I am so glad things seemed to go as well as they could!

    Dying to have you back!

    I have some extra B6 would you like it? :)

    Talk to you soon

  3. I am so happy to hear everything went so well at the funeral mass and wake.

    We prayed a lot for you this weekend!

    And I'll be praying for you today on your long drive.

    CONGRATULATIONS on getting approved for your homestudy! That is a major accomplishment and milestone, and one I can truly appreciate now as we are just getting started and are feeling so overwhelmed. It is encouraging to see you finishing though, so maybe we will, too!

  4. Wow, it sounds like a beautiful wake and funeral. And I'm sure you're right, she would have loved it :)

    I can't believe you're officially "waiting!" Well, come Tuesday, that is- but that's amazing!! OMGosh, I hope we can get to that stage soon, it must be such a relief to know that a baby IS coming your way. That is so cool, congrats!!

  5. i'm glad that everything went well with your grandmother's wake and funeral. although i'm sure it was a difficult time, you must've been happy to be with your family!

    congrats on getting approved for the homestudy! what great news to start the week with!

  6. I'm glad it was so beautiful and I bet she was looking down on you all enjoying the beauty. That is wonderful news about the letter! I have a feeling wonderful blessings are coming your way very soon. God Bless.

  7. Thank God you are home safe and that the funeral went as well as possible. I'm sure your grandmother is resting peacefully in heaven with our Lord. Congrats on the homestudy approval. That is such a relief when that is done. Whew. I know, I was there. I hope for the best for you and your hubby. I will keep you in my prayers.

  8. thought about you this weekend... hope you made it safely

  9. your family sounds pretty awesome. I've been praying for you! I added you blog to my blog list, I hope that is ok.

  10. I'm so happy to hear that you guys were approved! Yeah I totally worried about my family reading my blog (still do), but it's nice that they can read up on my life and understand what's going on in terms of IF etc.

  11. I'm so glad that you received "the letter". I remember how amazing it felt to know that it was now just a matter of time. I still remember that feeling even 25 years later.

  12. I just wanted to share. I found your blog from Sew's. I just had surgery in Omaha too. We are three month post surgery and taking B6, fertileCM and HCG shots. I plan to keep an eye on your blog. I'll be praying for you guys too. God Bless, Nicole