In pain again

I woke up with pretty bad intestinal pain. At least that's what I'm really hoping it is. Although that's what I thought it was last time and it wasn't.

I guess it could be a corpus luteum caused by the trigger shot, but right now I'm going on the assumption that it's a result of me eating too much fiber.

See, the other day we decided to get back on the diet. And that means eating high-fiber foods. What it doesn't mean is eating five bowls of all.bran flakes. Which I did. Yesterday.

On top of gorging myself on cereal, I also ate a couple bowls of my homemade barley and red bean vegetable soup. Also high in fiber.

And I didn't drink any water, which supposedly you are supposed to do if you're eating tons of fiber (unfortunately, I've had an aversion to water since doing my bowel prep. I think I was traumatized).

That could be it, right? It's not concentrated on one side like ovary pain usually is. It's stabbing pain on and off, and all over the abdomen, on both sides. I'm really hoping it's the fiber thing and that it will pass. I did take four advil (which didn't really help) and I'm using a heating pad (which helps in the moment).

I also had my peak-plus seven blood draw today. This should be interesting because if not for the ultrasounds showing I ovulated on cycle day 14, I probably would have thought today was only about four days past peak. I can't wait to see what the results are.

On the adoption front, our case worker is really thinking of us a lot lately, which is a great thing! She called again early this morning with a couple more scenarios she wanted to run by us (oddly I didn't freak out when she started the conversation with "I can't believe I am calling you again already!" which I could have taken to mean she had good news about yesterday's situation. She didn't.)

This time it was two different possibilities, one involving a four-month old with a severe possibly-life-threatening illness. The other was a sibling group of two children, one three-years old and the other 16 months, with some attachment and minor health issues. The children were all of races other than Caucasian.

We thought about it and we think it just wouldn't work for us. I don't think I am strong enough to care for a baby who may die. It will take a real special couple to take that child in and I know whoever does will be blessed immensely, I'm sure. But it's just not meant to be us. And the sibling group would just be too much too fast for us. Again, they need that perfect family and, as our case worker assured me, the right family will come forward, it always does.

But I can't help but wonder, am I weak? Would a better person do whatever they could for these basically orphaned children? I know we are told throughout this process not to feel bad about saying no to special needs we don't think we are capable of handling, but I can't help thinking that a more spiritually mature version of myself could handle it and/or would just do it, regardless of what she could handle.

I know, I know. I'm not losing any sleep over it. And who knows if we'd even be picked for these children. Maybe someone else out there really wants them at this very moment. Let's hope.

Oh, and after I posted yesterday about the abandoned baby, I googled it and was inundated with results. Apparently it's a big news story in that area. So I learned a little more information about the situation that was pretty interesting and I was reminded what a long shot it is. Just to think that we would be picked to parent a baby that was all over the news, a baby everyone wants, just seems like something that would never happen to us. I guess anything is possible though.

So I'm going to spend the rest of the day on the couch (what else is new?) taking it easy and eating anything but fiber. Let's hope that does the trick.