Cycle day one was not a good day for me to figure out we can't afford to switch agencies.
I know nothing in life is fair - believe me, I know that - but to think that money is going to keep me from having a family just makes me sick to my stomach.
I have started to look for a job, since that's pretty much the only way we could afford to take out a loan. Not that any minimum-wage job I might be able to find would even make a dent. Plus I'm qualified for nothing and there aren't any jobs to begin with, which makes a great combination. Although working for the Navy and/or taking online surveys from home is starting to sound good (those of you looking for work on those online job sites will know what I mean).
I know some agencies do offer programs where they charge less for adopting babies of different races (which is so sad in the first place that some babies have a cheaper price tag). I'm going to have to focus my efforts on finding one that does that, and hopefully there will be one that doesn't require months to switch over to them (anyone have any suggestions?).
I don't think foster-to-adopt is a good option for me because I just don't think I would be able to handle the possibility of giving a baby back. I guess if that ends up being the only way we can ever have a family, then I'd do it. Hopefully if it is His plan, God will give me the strength. I'm just going to exhaust all other possibilities first. Plus, I really do still hold out hope that our first child will come to us as a newborn (which is unlikely with foster-to-adopt, right?). I know it's all up to God though, and I ultimately am open to His will.
We're also looking into what seems at times to be the "mythical" adoption grants and low-interest loans (has anyone ever actually received one?). I found one decent-looking grant program, but they require a copy of your home study. We already know that our agency doesn't release ours to us unless we take ourselves off of the waiting list. I'll call next week to find out if that goes for grant applications as well.
It just seems so odd that I finally am completely at peace with not being able to have biological children and desire for the Lord to bring our baby to us however He wills, and then *boom* - adoption seems just as unlikely as conceiving. I'm sure there is another lesson there.
I know we won't be childless forever. But is it wrong of me to be depressed that, five years in, we are no where near starting a family? I trust God, I really do. I just know that trusting Him doesn't make the suffering go away.
The priest told me in confession the other day that perhaps God is calling me to offer up my suffering for the sins of others. Maybe the Holy Spirit inspired him to say that to me. Maybe that is my calling in life - to suffer childlessness for the conversion of sinners.
Possibly, but I still hope and pray that the childlessness is only temporary.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Not a good day for this
Prayer to St. Gerard Majella for Motherhood
O good St Gerard, powerful intercessor before God and wonder worker of our day, confidently I call upon you and seek your aid. On Earth you always fulfilled God's designs, help me now to do the holy will of God. Implore the Master of Life, from whom all paternity proceeds, to render me fruitful in offspring, that I may raise up children to God in this life, and in the world to come, heirs to the Kingdom of His Glory. Amen.
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I do not believe you have exhausted all available means for conception and adoption.
ReplyDeleteIf you needed to get a job, worse case scenario, you could find one. I know you could. If I can find a job in missi.ssippi, you can find one in VA! hahaha
Temp agencies are great for jobs! They get you in front of a ton of people. I ended up making more then what I asked for at both jobs through my temp agency. I found one of the greatest jobs I ever had through a temp agency. I would still be working today. I loved it!!
So I'm going out on a limb here. And well I believe that our suffering can be offered up for those that live in sin, I do not believe it is the call for your life. See, now I have a crystal ball. :) I'm your personal palm reader!
Call Dr. S. on Monday and get a 2nd opinion. No need to let CD1 or bad news get you down. Those are just stumbling blocks in this journey. Plow through them K, I know you can do it!!! I would make the appointment now with Dr. S. And I think you should ring that phone until a human picks up and answers. And when they pick up, I think you should start to cry. Tell them you have been charting for x amount of years, you have been IF for 5 years and you are desperate for a second opinion. Beg them to get you in as soon as possible! :) You have no idea what awaits you until you literally pound the door down.
I just don't want you to feel down and that you have to succumb to a life of childlessness. I don't believe it for you for one minute. Not at all.
I believe you are on the cusp of something. I have believed that since I saw your charts at bw weekend. See, I have a crystal ball. :) I think you need some tweaking, your body is showing something.
I realize your commitment to Dr. B and Dr. L. But I think at this point in the journey a 2nd opinion would not hurt. You can always go back to Dr. B when you conceive!
Oh K, I will continue to pray for your discernment. I just hate how expensive adoption is, it is SO unfair.
ReplyDeleteSince we didn't get the whole way into the foster to adopt stuff, I am not sure what the odds are of only getting an infant. But going through the training really softened my heart for younger children, too. We were probably going to only take children up to age 3. Once we decided to start the process, I felt that fostering was a good way to spend the time waiting. It just depends on the agency and which children are in the foster system and how old those children are, it is the luck of the draw. It was just such an affordable way to go. If I were you, I wouldn't rule it out until I talked to a social worker at an agency that can give an honest idea of what they typically see.
One thing I hadn't thought of while going through the process was that I really didn't have much experience with kids/babies. It seemed like social workers and birthparents liked couples with experience in parenting. Could you volunteer or work at a preschool, daycare, or mom's morning out program? I know that it would be so hard to do especially when your heart is aching so much for a child but at least it would tap into the mothering part of you.
Please call our office on Monday and try to get an appointment, I wold LOVE to have you stay with me!!
Stop... we as faithful believers must place everything in the hands of Our Lord.
ReplyDeleteMeditate on the Wedding Feast at Cana, nothing is impossible with God not even the money that He has available for adoption if that is His will. He is in charge, we must begin to believe with a child like trust.
Nothing is impossible, nothing!
Our Hope must be in the Lord we can not speak as the world does because we have been set apart through the sacrament of Baptism,Confirmation, Eucharist. The sacrament of Matrimony also sets us apart because we see it as more of a vocation helping each other get to Heaven and the world sees it as a contract that can be broken. This is our path of holiness, our journey to find hope in the one Lord.
Every word we speak, everything we do must be placed in Our Lords hands for He is faithful.
I say this because I know it to be true. K... you know my story, because you are a GREAT journalist... so you must know what I'm saying comes straight from my heart and soul and through my own sufferings. I look back sometimes on my own past and wish that I myself could take back the words I have spoken. They were wasted and only fed to the one that tries to destroy us, do not give the devil that power.
I met a couple at Church a few weeks ago and they told me that the money they received to adopt their child came straight from Heaven... pray and give it all to the Father in Heaven, He loves you both and knows all... but we can not loose faith and doubt what He is only able to accomplish. You must begin to believe in what is unseen trust as Mary trusted when the angel told her that she was the chosen one to conceive of Our Savior... pray the chaplet that I sent you... keep believing in the impossible because what is possible to God is impossible to man.
I love you and my prayers are with you. Be at peace you have many gifts...
In Jesus and Mary,
T. Garcia
St. Therese help us to trust as you learned to trust as a little child holding the hand of their father.
Please know that this is not the end of the story for you and growing your family. God is at work in what seems like darkness to us. Darkness is as light to God. I don't know alot about adoption agencies, but I do know about an adoption grant program and fundraising options to help with adoption costs. I do believe that money will NOT stop you from being a parent to the child God desires for you and Ryan to parent.
ReplyDeleteI have always been hopeful for you and that hope continues. You are a highly favored daughter of the King! To God be all the glory!
I will keep you in prayer today!
Re: jobs, have you ever thought about doing supported living? You're such a kind hearted person, it seems like something you'd be good at. It's entry level and pays higher than minimum wage. This is what I used to do and I really loved it. I worked with mentally and physically disabled adults who lived in an apartment complex, helping them with daily tasks like grocery shopping, paying bills, taking their meds, etc. It was an interesting job and it was good feeling to know I was doing something that mattered, ykwim?
ReplyDeleteAnd big hugs. My husband was adopted and it's something we would really like to do, but the cost is just overwhelming. There's no way :(
ReplyDeleteThe cost of adoption is definitely a downer and one of those things we can all place in the 'it's just not fair' category.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if your sewing is a labor of love for you, of it comes quickly - have you given any thought to setting up an e t s y shop? I love buying handmade gifts - and I would love to purchase aprons from you.
-r
I am sorry you are going through this. Have you heard of showhope.org? I considered applying in the past. They provide grants and information on funding adoptions for christian families. I wish I could be of more help. We are by no means rich, but some miracles happened with our finances so we could afford our babies.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I am working on my own infertility blog. I am really not comfortable having my adoption blog from 2 years ago linked to my name. :)
Ugh. I am so sorry, and I know it doesn't help, but I've SO been there. I could have typed the same thing once.(I pretty much DID type the same thing 3 years ago.)
ReplyDeleteIt seems so hopeless and then you get your hope. It's just that you can't predict when it will happen, and it seems so dark.
I have friends who have done foster to adopt twice, infants both times.
If I were to adopt again, I'd once again try independent adoption. My daughter's first mother FOUND ME.
She sought me out. But she had heard from this person and through that person that we were childless and she was in crisis!
Our total attorney fees? $3000, a flat rate for independent adoption.
Less than 2 grand for homestudy, a hundred bucks here and there for fingerprints, etc.
I could never (wait. Let me change that: it would have been extremely difficult!) for us to afford an agency. I just could not have swung 30 grand.
I know how you feel. But I can tell you that it ALWAYS happens when you least expect it.
Keep the faith and spread the word.
You have a lot of people praying for you.
Ok K, now I'm going to give you the advice you gave me...you can get through the money piece of things! (Think about the story of how you got your camera!) Every night I have literally been down on my knees asking our Lord to provide us with the funds to adopt. Everything will work out for you- I just know it! In terms of jobs, I just applied to be a substitute teacher in the city. It pays $100/day and you can accept or decline if they call you (which I like because you can play it by what type of day you're having!) It says on the application that all you need is a bachelor's degree to sub. You don't have to be certified. Anyway, that might be another good option. God will provide!
ReplyDeleteLittle flowers Foundation Financial Assistance
ReplyDeletehttp://www.littleflowers.org/
Assistance with Adoption Expenses
Despite the tax credits and reduced agency fees available to adoptive families, the cost of adopting a child, especially internationally, can seem staggering. Total expenses range from $10,000 - 30,000, depending on the child's country of origin (domestic adoptions are generally less expensive) and special circumstances.
Little Flowers Foundation was established with the hope that no loving Catholic family open to adopting would be discouraged by its inability to meet the financial obligation. Our mission is to assist these families with financial need, making adoption possible for them by helping to fill the gap between what they can afford and the adoption's total cost.
Any prospective adoptive family can apply to LFF for a grant. Usually the application process involves filling out a written application in which an LFF representative ascertains:
how far the family has proceeded with an adoption
a description of the child being adopted, including medical/special needs, age, and nationality
information about the agency or attorney conducting the adoption
the family's religious affiliation and intention to raise the child in the faith
Thank you SO MUCH everyone. Your comments and emails have really lifted me up this morning.
ReplyDeleteSew - I'm going to call on Monday. I was a little discouraged to hear that they aren't taking new patients til Feb. but then I remembered that time flies in the world of infertility. If I don't need him by Feb. then that will only be good news.
Therese - You have inspired me. I feel such a peace when I remember that only He is in control. And thank you for the link. Unbelievable! I have already emailed them. Not just for grant info, but for info on waiting children as well.
Thanks for the loan info, H. I'll look into that. The problem with the adoption tax credit is we wouldn't qualify to receive the largest amount, because you have to pay that much in taxes to get it back. We'd get more than half of the credit, and we are factoring that in.
ReplyDeleteWhen we in the throws of despair because we thought we'd never get the money to adopt someone once told me (who had adopted), "Don't NOT do it because of the money. The money will come."
ReplyDeleteWow, was she right. We completed two adoptions in a year. It cost more than 2 years salary (my husband works for the Church, so we don't make much :)).
Oh...and as for the tax credit--did you know it extends over three years? So because of our Ethiopian adoption we get $1o,000 total, but since we don't make that much we get to use it for three years. (ie. last year we got it, and we will for the next couple years, too!)
Oh wow. I am going to start POURING out the prayers for you, friend, because this place is THE ABSOLUTE WORST place to be in, and I HEAR YA! There is nothing more heartwrenching than having both the biological and the adoption avenue doors slammed in your face... I don't care what anyone says.
ReplyDeleteEspecially the part where you wrote that right after you make peace with possibly not ever having bio children, the adoption avenue is closed to you... trust me, I know EXACTLY how you feel.
And there are no words to make it better. It just plain sucks.
I didn't even realize you need a home to get a loan?? Is that true of every loan? 'Cuz I'm screwed if so!
St. Gerard, pray for us. (I put yours and R's name in the petition boxs at the National Shrine yesterday. So, he's praying for you, too.)
I'm sorry that you are having a rough time with adoption money, but everyone has given you get advice and I'll be praying for you.
ReplyDelete