I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm REALLY down about adoption. It just doesn't look like it's going to happen any time soon. And by "soon" I mean like within the next year.
And - because it's always nice to remind myself of this - a year from now we'll be 33 and we'll have been married nearly six years, which means we'll have been trying to conceive nearly six years as well.
What brought this all about was that I heard some stuff from our agency today, like that the average wait is a year and a half (AVERAGE!), that adoptions are down dramatically from last year (well, they didn't exactly put it like that, but I'd say 31 last year to 20 this year is a pretty big drop!) and there are more waiting couples about to start waiting.
I don't want to be all negative and I really want to be that person who can wait patiently, but it's just plain hard. People are getting pregnant and having their second, third and fourth babies all around us and we can't even adopt one. It just doesn't make sense on any level.
Lord, we don't always know your ways, but help us to be faithful no matter what. Amen.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Frustration
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I really, really hate to hear this.
ReplyDeleteI cannot handle this information for you or for us!!
It isn't fair that we have to go through all of this. I am thinking that we might now be in the same boat with our new agency that only does around 10 a year. We didn't ask a lot of questions on whether they've seen adoptions dropping recently but I am thinking its probably the same everywhere.
I am considering doing foster to adopt or something in the meantime even though I am sure its crazy as all get out. Have you thought of this? I know someone who adopted an infant through this program and she said even though it is rare, it does happen. And it's pretty much for free when its through the state.
Sigh.
As noble as it is (haha.. no pun intended), I personally don't think I could handle caring for a baby when the goal is for his/her parents to get him/her back. After dealing with infertility I think I'm way too fragile for that.
ReplyDeleteAnd I shouldn't sound SO bleak.. We could still get a miracle and get picked sooner. It's just not good for me to focus on that. We just heard today that there are more waiting couples than we thought there were (some not on the website), and the whole average wait being a year and a half thing (hoping that's an exaggeration) got me down.
Your frustration is understandable. I don't think there's anyone around here who doesn't understand it. I do the math in my head every month, too. I'll be 33 next year, married for 8 years this time next year, etc. . . I get it. But, honestly, you guys just seem like the perfect parents and while I just know it's going to happen for you, I know that hearing it doesn't help.
ReplyDeleteI was approaced to be a foster parent and, like you, thought I just couldn't handle it right now. I felt so selfish about it for a while, but I know my emotional limits and that's just one I can't take at this moment.
Big hugs to you!
Have you ever considered international adoption? The wait times are shorter if you're willing to take an older child. We are in the process of adopting internationally and so far the process has not been too bad. I'm hopeful that we'll have our child within the year. I hope. I pray.
ReplyDeleteUgh. I'm so sorry to hear it. I'll be praying that you'll be one of the families bringing the average down to a lower number (after all, if the average is a year and a half, it must be going faster than that for a fair number of couples).
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI've been following your blog for awhile after clicking on it as I navigated through several blogs. I hope you don't mind my commenting...
Your frustrations have hit home with me many times, and I find it comforting to read your blog. My issues are not exactly the same- mine is still being single. (But I also fear that I will have some of the same issues conceiving due to some similar medical issues) But after reading your post today, it struck me that adopting a child will be very much like finding my husband. I don't believe that I'm going to randomly just marry someone. I believe that God has someone special chosen for me, and it's just a matter of when the right time for us to meet will be. And likewise, with you adopting a baby- God already has a baby chosen for you, and it will be the baby that you and your husband are meant to have and have been meant to have all along. I hope and pray for you that it will not be a long wait, but I do believe there will someday soon be a baby that will need special parents like you and your husband.
Thanks for sharing and know that you're in my prayers.
Hey, I'm just stopping in quickly before I fly home (ack, I hate flying!!)- but wanted to say 31 last year to 20 SO FAR this year is not bad at all! The year is only half over, so they may actually have MORE adoptions this year than last :)
ReplyDeletePlus, you guys are so cute that I bet you're picked before a bunch of other people.
Keep your head up. I know it's hard, but God will bring you your child, and I really don't think your wait will be long.
Sorry I'm super optimistic, it must be the vacation rubbing off on me... hope it doesn't irritate you :P
Thanks, TCIE, but the fiscal year is over on June 30th, and that's what they're going by. Hope you're having a great vacation! I'll pray for your flight home!
ReplyDeleteOh, darn it... I thought I was pointing out the obvious :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the prayers, flight was great. (I really only hate the taking off part. And turbulence. Of which there was none.)
Well, I still think you will be getting lucky soon with adoption. A recent poll shows that MORE than half of Americans now consider themselves PRO-LIFE (!!!), and our agency was telling us they have had more calls this year in the very early wks of pg than ever before... I'm talking 6-8 wks pg! They account this to the fact that these women consider themselves VERY pro-life, and when they first find out they're pg, they immediately decide they need to make an adoption plan since they'd never abort. So that's good news!!
Ugh. I'm so with you. I've been feeling pretty down lately - both about IF and adoption. Mostly because we're going nowhere with both! We have been actively pursuing these various agencies, one consultant and one attorney, and still coming up with nothing. *sigh* It is so hard. Spiritually it gets harder and harder for me to cling to the Lord with all my heart and trust in His plans for us. I'm praying for all of us!
ReplyDeleteHmm, you win on the fiscal year bit...that's INSANELY frustrating. You've picked a process where the child already exists, you're letting go of the determination to have a bio baby to the exclusion of adoption, and no doubt you'll be paying plenty in adoption fees - and for that you get to wait TWICE as long as it actually takes to make the baby! That's rotten.
ReplyDeleteI have an idea for you. Have you ever heard of "Mary, Undoer Of Knots"? Would you be interested in the novena? If so, please email me with your address and I will be more than happy to send you a copy of the novena!
ReplyDeleteI just finished praying this novena asking the Blessed Mother to please pray and intercede for us for a child.
Please know you and hubby are in my thoughts and prayers.
P.S. My email is: prayrosary4life@aol.com
Love,
Maria
By the way, here is where you can find the "Mary Undoer Of Knots" novena.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.maryundoerofknots.com/novena.htm
You can also order novenas at this website, medals of "Mary Undoer Of Knots", as well as the excellant book called "Mary, Take Over!" which I highly recommend!
Hope that helps!
Love,
Maria Therese
Waiting is so difficult in this situation. Believe me I have been there after adopting two infants, one in 2006 and another in 2007. While we adopted internationally, we were also told 18 months and it was a struggle. Imagine our surprise at getting the "phone call" 6 months after the completion of our dossier.
ReplyDeleteBefore we decided to pursue an adoption I asked for God to reveal his plan for me. Through the intercession of Saint Therese, I received a rose as a sign we should pursue adoption!
Sometimes all we need to do is ask, and if it is God's will he will show you. It was hard for me to do and I didn't expect the sign I was given but it gave me much needed clarity and hope. I pray you can find some hope in your situation.
Maybe my story will at least give you some consolation. You and the other ladies who comment on this blog will be in my prayers. Infertility is so difficult. Even now I am struggling with it because we want more children and are unable to adopt right now. That is why I have been reading your blogs. Thanks for sharing your story and allowing me to comment.
oh, K, I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking of you lots. The weather is just so dreary here. I imagine your heart feels dreary too.
Keep the faith, but cry when you need to.
You're in my prayers.
Thanks everyone!
ReplyDeleteKelly - Believe it or not, I actually just prayed to St. Therese when I was at a shrine to her and asked for a rose as a sign (and also apologized if I shouldn't be doing that.. I'm always torn about whether asking for a sign is theologically sound) and of course I got nothing. I haven't seen a rose since I asked for one weeks ago! But I guess I got my answer.
How are you? Just read Grace In My Heart's blog about the boating adventure!
ReplyDeleteI thought I commented on this post! ;)
ReplyDeleteI am sorry, waiting sucks! It's a different type of wait then being IF, I would assume. Very frustrating!
So where are you!? Did you have to seek intense therapy after yesterday's swim!? ahhhhh!