Appointment today

Today is my big doctor's appointment! I'm nervous. Nervous that I won't remember all my questions (despite a written out list) and nervous that maybe I won't get good news. I will try to post a quick update from Ryan's iPhone in the afternoon if I can. Hopefully I'll have something good to report.

Here are just some of the things I'm planning to ask about: the u/s the other day showing a "very small" follicle, whether I am ovulating, left-side pain, adhesions, do I need surgery, can I get tested for MTHFR, my false positive test in February, adrenal issues, feeling constantly fatigued, feeling dizzy upon standing, my last cycle with a short luteal phase and spotting, can I get an u/s series, would injectables help me, my good progesterone levels (and still no pregnancy), should I change my Tamoxifen dose, should I stop Tamoxifen.

I really hope it goes well. I just want to leave with a plan, one that might actually work. My dream is to have something suddenly pop out at my doctor, the missing link all along, the one remaining obstacle in my way. That would be great. Not likely, but great.

I just feel like this is a make or break appointment. My options are getting fewer and fewer. And while lately I have been okay with the idea of surgery, and I could very likely leave today with one scheduled, sometimes it hits me what a weird state we infertiles live in - where scheduling surgery is a good thing! I never thought I'd be in my early thirties having surgery after surgery, hoping to get another.

I need to remind myself that with God, all things are possible. The problem is that while I know they're possible, they might not be in his plans for us.

Please, God...Let today's appointment be informative and may whatever else is wrong come to light. Help my doctor to come up with the best treatment plan possible and point us in the direction you have planned for us. Of course, heal me if that is your will. Please, let it be your will! Amen.