Medication frustration

This is what I'm dealing with right now...

I have now gone one week without my prolactin medication. When I called to refill it last Monday, I saw on the bottle that it had no refills. Well, that's my fault, of course, but when you're taking several medications, it's easy to lose track of which medications are nearing their end. Especially when they're refillable for like a year. So, the pharmacy said they'd call my doctor's office. Tuesday goes by. Wednesday goes by. On Thursday I call my doctor's office and leave a message. I said on the message that my pharmacy called to refill it on Monday and it's not there yet, so could they please fax a new prescription to the pharmacy. Thursday goes by. Friday, Saturday, Sunday goes by. On Monday I call and leave another message. Later that day, my doctor's office calls me and says that they faxed it over to the pharmacy. Great. So as I'm about to go pick it up today (I called yesterday and it wasn't ready yet...or so I thought), I call just to make sure it's there and guess what? They never received it. Great. It's after five so I can't even leave a message with my doctor's office because it's after hours. Which is why I am turning to my blog to vent my frustration instead! (Turns out the pharmacy had the wrong fax number listed. Ugh! That happened with my blood draw lab once too!)

And I've been so calm this past week (which is unlike me...I usually get nervous skipping just one of my many pills). I wasn't going to let it get to me. I was just going to go with the flow because I couldn't control it anyways. I was doing all I could. But seriously? Over a week? I don't even know if it's good to stop and start this medication. When I first started it a year ago, I felt like I was going to pass out for several days before I got used to it. Will I have to go through that all over again? 

I'm also dealing with another issue. 

In two weeks, I will need to know whether I am supposed to start a sixth cycle of Tamoxifen or not. I would have loved to discuss this with my doctor face-to-face, but my appointment isn't until June 16, and my new cycle will probably start around the end of May. That's fine and I decided to just figure it out over the phone. I talked to a nurse two weeks ago about this issue and she said she'd leave a note on my doctor's desk, but I haven't heard anything yet. 

Now to my cycle. I think my ovulation timing is off, as in, things are just not clicking at the right times. For instance, I had some pain on my left side on Sunday which could have been ovulation, but yet my temperature didn't rise until today. And I've heard that your temp is supposed to drop lower right before it goes really high during ovulation, but mine doesn't exactly work like that. So my pre-peak coverline is usually around 97.8. On Sunday, it dropped lower, to 97.3, which I thought was good. But then yesterday, instead of shooting up high, it went up a little, to 98.0. What? Today it went up to 98.3. So instead of one nice rise, it goes up slowly. That can't be right.

I am thinking more and more I need a trigger shot. I am going to ask my doctor for this next month and I hope he agrees. If he even does, I am not sure if he does this or if he'd say I need to go to a specialist. 

I don't know. At the same time, I feel like this is all pointless. I truly don't think I am meant to get pregnant, at least not for a long time, so why am I putting so much effort into it? Although, I need my medications whether I'm trying to get pregnant or not (well, everything but the Tamoxifen), so I guess I'd still have to deal with all this.

On another related topic (yes, I'm kind of frantic today...maybe it's the rising prolactin), do you ever feel like something happens every cycle to work against you getting pregnant? I know this is silly. I mean, as if I need any outside influences to get in the way of conceiving. My body is doing a great job of being infertile all on its own! And I also think that if God wanted to prevent me from conceiving each month, he wouldn't have to go to the great lengths of me not refilling my prescription. He could just have my ovaries do what they've always done - not work! But still, it just really seems like things go wrong each and every cycle. 

I hope this post doesn't sound like I am down, because I'm not at all. Just a little stressed by these recent difficulties in dealing with my doctor's office. I actually came to a realization last night that God is comforting me, answering my prayers, and is actively guiding me along a path that he has planned especially for me. I was actually in the process of accusing him of not comforting me and answering my prayers when I was corrected. I will admit when I am wrong.