Hit by hormones

I've been pretty out of it, physically speaking, this week. I don't know why my hormones are hitting me this hard right now. Tuesday (cycle day three) I had abdominal pain and felt like my insides were going to fall out. Wednesday more pain and just feeling completely out of it. And on Thursday I was completely nauseous and the thought of food made me gag.

Interestingly enough, though, I normally would have blamed my nausea yesterday on the Tamoxifen and/or the B6, but because of my two days of spotting I had at the beginning of this cycle (which caused my doctor to instruct me to start the Tamoxifen on day five), I hadn't even taken it yet! So I thought that was very telling. I always have stomach issues around this time of my cycle lately, and apparently I've been blaming it on the wrong thing!

Today, so far, I feel better, although I woke up with a migraine. Luckily I was still sleepy so I took advil and went back to bed to sleep it off.

I'm also on the good old emotional rollercoaster again (I hate rollercoasters so I should know better than to even get near one). Each day brings a new emotion, whether it's despair, acceptance, or excitement for adoption. I can't keep up.

Oh, and I also am guessing that I miscalculated my peak day last cycle, hence the quirky stuff that happened (low progesterone, short luteal phase). Here's the evidence:

• I had what could have been ovulation pain on cycle day 14; at the time I was sure it was
  
• Best quality mucus on day 14, but also saw peak-type mucus (just not as good quality) on days 15 and 16
  
• Temp rose on day 14
  
• Peak +7 progesterone level was 17. If I miscalculated, and it was actually peak +9, then that is exactly in line with my last four cycles of progesterone levels on peak +9. They have all been around 17
  
• And if I am correct that I ovulated on day 14, rather than 16, then my luteal phase would be 12 days, rather than 10. Still shorter than I had been seeing, but it's never as short as 10
  

I am not saying Creighton is wrong here; according to Creighton (at least without special instructions) I charted my peak day correctly. But Creighton doesn't say your peak day is always the day you ovulate, and in this case, it just didn't match up and it messed up everything that followed it. Creighton is awesome, but not perfect.

So I am sticking to that theory, not that it matters at all.

Here's hoping I have the energy to actually clean and cook today. It's been quite the struggle lately and my house would be evidence of it, if not for my wonderful husband who was fine with just eating a turkey sandwich for dinner last night and did the dishes this morning as well. I'm a stay-at-home-wife who can't even take care of her home. I guess this week I called in sick!

Update - So I called my doctor's office to leave a message saying I wanted them to call with my peak +9 and 11 results (and, by the way, the voice mail now says they do not call ob/gyn patients with normal test results, only abnormal. What? Don't they know I am crazy over here?I understand, though, but hopefully I'm not considered a normal ob/gyn patient. Infertility should get us some perks in life!)

I, of course, still leave a message and a nurse calls back and says my doctor's on vacation and I can't get my test results til next Wednesday. Then I hung up and had a good cry.

What? Why am I crying? These test results aren't even that important in the whole scheme of things and I will get them eventually. So why do I even care? Probably hormones.

I don't know. The idea of stopping certain medications, blood draws and charting is sounding better and better every day. I just overwhelmingly feel like I'm trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. It just isn't working and all this superfluous effort isn't going to change a thing. This just doesn't feel right any more. God will grow our family in his time.