Not going to be easy

So my last post was about the new path I feel like God is leading me on (letting go of the tight grip I had on trying to get pregnant). But in re-reading it, I feel like I left one major thing out - that I am fully aware that it's not going to be easy.

The post kind of sounded like I have it under control, but I do not. At all. I might have some peace about it, but it's more of a peace where I am trying to blindly trust that God will get me through it, rather than a peace where everything is just awesome.

It will most likely be a very long time before we can start a family. I am bracing for a long, difficult wait. I know it's going to be hard and I think that is why I am trying to start turning more completely to God.

I love reading about the saints. One thing they all have in common is their faith during hardship. They constantly amaze me. From St. Therese, to Gianna, to Faustina, to Theresa, every saint I read about endured so much physical and emotional pain but never doubted God's love for them through it all, and, because of that love and trust, they accepted whatever came their way. They were really unbelievable that way. And that's what my new attitude is all about. Not that turning it over to God will magically make things easier, but that it will hopefully help to lift me up during the hard times ahead.

Actually, the saints suffered so greatly that it almost scares me, in a way, to turn it over to him. But they all, in their writings, seem so peaceful during the most difficult times. I guess when I read their stories, it just makes me want that. And this is the only way I can guess how to acheive that - by trying my best to imitate them in the way they suffered. By loving God with all of my heart, living only for him and trusting completely.

Okay, that scared me to write that. Why do I think I'm capable of that? I guess I just need to remind myself that no one is perfect, even the saints were flawed and I can only try my best.

And the truth is I'm not capable of anything outside of God. Only he can help me through this.

Okay, I feel better.

Oh, and on a side note, I can't wait for this month to be over. I need to put it behind me and I really can't wait for the August post titles to stop showing up on my blog's sidebar every time I scroll down. Thank God that he makes all things new, including the calendar!

I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, God's dwelling is with the human race. He will dwell with them and they will be his people and God himself will always be with them (as their God). He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain, (for) the old order has passed away." The one who sat on the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new." Then he said, "Write these words down, for they are trustworthy and true." (Revelation 21:3-5)