I think I'm still decompressing.
I had an amazing weekend, but it's difficult to describe. It was like a slumber party and intense therapy session all wrapped into one. You had the excitement of meeting new people who are actually anything but new to you. These girls know you're inner-most thoughts and feelings but you've never been in the same room.
It was awesome, fun, depressing, and uplifting. I cried, laughed, stressed, and left renewed. I don't think I realized how renewed I was until I was home. I also don't think I realized what had just happened until I was home.
I loved talking to people who, as JellyBelly put it best, "just get it."
As I've reflected on the experience since being home, I think I feel more protective of them all for some reason. As if I already wasn't riding their emotional roller coaster with them through their blogs, I'm pretty sure I'll now experience the highs and lows with greater intensity. I want them to succeed even more then before.
I also left feeling like I could take on the world. That feeling may subside, but I really feel like I left with greater courage. Maybe because what they say is true - there is strength in numbers.
I was also blessed to be able to document the weekend with my video camera. The girls let me interview them and were so very open about their struggles, just like they are on their blogs. Their testimonies were real, raw and beautifully heartbreaking.
God willing, I'm going to make a documentary of the experience - the struggle of Catholic infertility set against the backdrop of eight bloggers from around North America who met up in real life for one weekend. Friendships that were born out of a shared experience none of them asked for.
The movie won't be finished for many months, but hopefully I'll post some clips here in the meantime.
I'm so incredibly thankful for all the friendships I have made because of this blog. Those I met this weekend and those who couldn't make it. You have all helped me in so many ways and I wouldn't have known you if not for this cross.
There is an upside to infertility. We just need to focus on it more!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Reflections
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The last line of this post just blew me away! You are SO RIGHT!
ReplyDeleteWow.
Who would have thought being denied the most wonderful gift in the world could be an even greater blessing?
I couldn't agree more! Mr. JB needs to film JB with the camera.
ReplyDeleteYour reflections are always so beautiful. If you get to put a video together I know it is going to be amazing and so uplifting for so many women.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post. I know each of you gave one another so much strength.
ReplyDeleteIt would be so awesome if you make that movie and I'm really looking forward to seeing the clips. I hope to be able to meet all the wonderful ladies someday.
ReplyDeleteHow awesome that you have it all on video! Did you ever enter that contest from awhile ago, too?
ReplyDeleteI was totally impressed at how you were able to keep it all together this weekend. I am such a wimp bc I think I cried at least 10 times a day! And that was only the tip of the iceberg! If I'd have let it all out, you all would have run away fast!
ReplyDeleteYou really have a gift for making a documentary and I can't think of a better topic than this (I'm biased, of course.) I cannot wait to see it!! Any chance we'll get some sneak peeks??
I had so much fun with you on the road trip, getting to know you better and even hearing all about non-IF times of your life (can you believe we had lives BEFORE IF? That means we'll probably have lives AFTERwards too.)
Anyways, it felt like a slumber party to me, too! But better!
K-I've missed you and have pretty much been stalking your blog for an update on the weekend.
ReplyDeleteI keep all of your struggles very dear to my heart and feel charged with educated people on Catholic infertility. I really do this! I promise!
I hope you're doing ok. Thinking of you lots.
I feel the same way TCIE! How there are many special graces along this very dry journey that help not make it so dry.
ReplyDeleteIt was wonderful! I couldn't have thought of a better place to be even though I wasn't feeling all that well!!! :) haha!
I AM DYING TO SEE SNEAK PEAKS! I am sure there will be a lot of editing in my interview! hahahaha I am not good and getting my thoughts in order in person, that is why the blog works so well with me! :) haha! Can't freaking wait! I am praying for you while you work on it! It's a labor of love! :)
Oh I need this documentary! If I had any money I would help finance it. :)
ReplyDeleteSince I know no one IRL who suffers IF this outlet has really been a blessing to me.
I am so happy you all had a good weekend. I was praying for you all. I hope it becomes an annual thing.
I'm so glad the weekend was great. I was thinking about you ladies and wishing I was with you!! I can't wait to see the interviews put together... I'm sure it will be awesome.
ReplyDeleteWatching the friendship and encouragement you all share is such an inspiration to outsiders like me. Blessings to you and know of my continued prayers!
ReplyDeleteAwesome :) I hope and pray so much for all of you. I feel like a cheerleader and whiner at the same time(is that possible?) It helps me to pray for others and to offer my sufferings so that others may hold a life some day. Thanks for your inspiring words.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds so amazing! How did you guys decide to meet up, and where did you meet up?
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like an awesome movie. (I love that you already have Oscar synopses worked out.) I would offer a word of, I don't know, caution, and hope that it's not too negative. IF bloggers obviously have a strong bond. You all have a special bond, because you've met IRL. But if that becomes exclusive of other bloggers - if you stop blogging for all the world to see, and start posting about how you've called/texted/ emailed not your husband or your mom, but blogger xyz who gets the real news (and then your blog audience becomes the audience not of your IF journey but of your superior friendship with another blogger), I think you're going to lose people. Just my $.02.
ReplyDeleteMisfit - Thanks for the thoughts. But I couldn't imagine my blog changing due to meeting the other bloggers, especially since I've already been close friends with some of them in real life for almost a year now. And I will always call my husband first, followed by posting here! Haha!
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, I was hesitant to even post about the weekend. I only did so because several people who read my blog emailed to say they were waiting to hear how it went. Plus, I wanted to post about the movie since that will be a big part of my life in the coming months.
This blog is definitely just an honest account of my life as it relates to infertility (and often beyond infertility) and I try not to think about how what I write will be perceived. If I did, then I probably would be too embarrassed to be so honest! But that being said, I would never want to hurt or offend anyone who reads it. I hope I haven't and I will always try my best to not do so in the future.
Misfit,
ReplyDeleteFor me, putting myself "out there" to go on the trip was not easy.
It required making a decision to be vulnerable (in a TOTALLY different way than blogging), LOSE anonymity - something that is very important to me, hence my private blog),and basically just take a huge risk.
I did not immediately know if I would want to do this. But, after prayer, I chose to do so, all in the hope that I would be able to take my cherished blog friendships to a deeper level.
I am not saying one cannot have true friendships through blogging, but, as much as I love blogging, there is no contest with live, in person experiences shared with other human beings, no matter the context. But especially so in the context of Catholic infertility. (sometimes its so easy to feel like we're the only ones dealing with this!)
In light of all of this, it doesn't seem very charitable to insinuate that, those who chose to take that risk, should in any way feel badly about the uplifting experience we shared, or that it was done in an "exclusive" way, especially in light of the fact that so many others were invited but declined.
Nor does it mean that, just because a blogger (in this case AYWH), shares or reflects about her special time with other bloggers, that she is acting "exclusively" and turning others off.
I am not sure to what exactly you are referencing by calling blogger x,y or z instead of their husband. I know of no Catholic blogger who has formed unhealthy relationships with other Catholic women struggling with infertility, to the exclusion of their husbands, so would you mind clarifying this part of your comment?
I just hope that these blogs do not ever become anything but a forum for prayer, mutual encouragement, and support for one another.