Thoughts

I'm back for my second post in one day! I'm bored, lonely and home-bound, so I'll probably be posting a lot in the coming days.

So here are just some random thoughts:

• I have a bad toothache. It started a couple days after my surgery. Actually, it started as soon as I stopped the constant heavy pain meds, so it might have been there right after surgery and I wouldn't have felt it. One of my molars is sensitive to hot and cold, which ends up being just about all food. Drinks are especially difficult, which was hard last week when I needed lots of fluids. When the advil wears off, the pain radiates throughout my whole mouth, even in my jaw and up to my ear. I'm thinking it's going to need a root canal (just a guess though since I haven't been to the dentist yet), which I'm not happy about, but I'm looking at things a lot differently after the whole build-up to my surgery experience. I feel like I can handle a lot more now! It's just the money thing that is making me upset. We're going to be paying for a surgery AND a root canal in the coming months with money we don't have.




• Speaking of money, I'm praying tonight that my husband gets a raise. He is in contract negotiations at the moment and it's looking like his big promotion isn't going to garner the money that it normally would in a stronger economy. It's okay though, at least he has a good job. I've put it totally in God's hands, and I know he'll take care of us no matter what.




• That reminds me, did I ever blog about Ryan's promotion? For the longest time I wasn't allowed to say anything about it, then once I could, it was old news to me and I forget to post anything. Anyways, he got a big promotion and will no longer be working weekends. Yay! His new shift is Monday through Friday and he is anchoring a 4 o'clock show and a 10 o'clock show. I'm so proud of him!




• Actually, he is on right now, but I am not watching because the new show Hoarders is on. Have you seen this? It's unbelievable! My heart goes out to these poor, poor people. They are obviously mentally ill and there but for the grace of God go I. It reminds me how blessed I am to not have certain struggles.




• I'm also flipping back and forth between that and the Rach.el Zo.e Pro.ject. I watched tons of episodes of this while my mom was here and it's addicting! Oh, and while I'm on the topic of television obsessions, can I just say that I really don't want Jeff to go on Big Bro.ther? But, alas, it looks like that will be the case.




• Speaking of my mom, she left yesterday morning and I'm still adjusting to her not being here! It was SO good to have her here, taking care of me. We had such a routine by the time she left. We'd wake up early (I couldn't sleep much past 6:30 a.m. due to pain early on), she'd make me something to eat to take my morning meds with, we'd watch t.v. while I dealt with morning gas pain, then we'd walk, have lunch, and then we'd go out and do something to get me out of the house. Then she'd make me a delicious dinner. I loved having someone here with me when Ryan was at work, especially my mother! Here's a picture of us on her second to last day here:

• I'm wearing a dress in this picture because I still can't wear any pants with zipper and buttons. I'm really trying to keep my incision clean and nice. So far, it's looking good, but it looked this good last time too. This is actually around the time it got infected after my last surgery, so I'm being very careful!

• Switching gears to an infertility-related topic, I've been thinking a lot about adoption lately. The more I come to terms with most likely never conceiving, I guess I am starting to transfer that anxiety over to adoption. In the past, I was pretty calm about how slow the process was moving, but now that it seems more and more like adoption is the only way we'll be able to build our family, I find that I'm growing angry. I'm mainly upset about the fact that if we had more money, we'd probably have a baby right now. That just doesn't sit right with me. I am tempted to wonder how that is fair. I am tempted to ask why God he would make us wait longer than richer couples. But I'm trying not to ask those questions, and not let it get me down. I'm trying to come to terms with God's timeline.




• I don't want to end on a negative note, so I won't.. Friday is our big five year anniversary! We had planned to go away to the beach for the weekend, but I canceled the reservations the other day. I'll be just two weeks out of surgery and my incision is still healing, I tire really easily, couldn't walk around much or go in the water, and many hours in the car would probably be pushing it. I just don't think we would've gotten our money's worth if we went this weekend. So we rescheduled the trip for the first weekend in October. It should still be warm and the cost of the room is way less, so we actually upgraded for less money. Plus it gives me something to look forward to. So we'll celebrate by going out to dinner on Friday and I vow to do my best to not look at Friday as a negative anniversary. I'm going to try, try, to celebrate the blessings I have been given, rather than what is missing. I think that should be my new motto!