So I am doing okay overall, especially physically speaking (although I tire out even quicker than before), but I am definitely dealing with anxiety regarding this upcoming surgery. I have good moments and I have nervous moments.
Anxiety is nothing new for me and so I guess it is to be expected. I don't deal with anxiety on a daily basis, but it crops up a couple times a year depending on what's going on in my life. And when it happens, it usually consumes me.
Right now, I think it is mainly an issue of control. Last month I wanted surgery and was totally relaxed about the thought of going through it. This month I was told I needed it, therefore there was a loss of control.
I am kind of anticipating this surgery the way I would anticipate a flight. I am terribly afraid of flying. I cry for weeks ahead of a flight. Actually, now that I think about it, I am much better right now than if I had to fly this Thursday. But it's still very similar.
If I have to put it into words (which often helps me to get my anxiety under control) I would say I'm nervous about something going wrong during the surgery and/or getting bad news afterwards.
Yesterday I actually watched Discovery Health all day so that I could see that surgeries are routine. I should know - I've already had two! You, my blogger friends, have them all the time. I know my fear isn't rational, but that's why it's anxiety.
The show I watched did help me. It was called Bi.g Med.icine, and was about obese patients who were either getting weight loss surgery or skin removals after weight loss. In most cases, they were relatively unhealthy individuals who were at risk of complications and even they came out of surgery just fine. Not to mention several of the surgeries were also elective, so it was a good reminder that people actually want to have surgery in many cases.
I am probably making myself seem worse than I am. I'm doing okay for the most part. I have some moments where I cry and just want it to be all over with, but I'm fine most of the time. I never do well with having a lot of time to think about something. It's like this slow approach when you just want to get it behind you.
I'm trying to focus on the recovery. I'm really looking forward to my mom being here all next week to take care of me. Seriously, I can't even describe how much I'm looking forward to that! And I'm dreaming of recovering after surgery, knowing there were no complications and that the cyst was no big deal. Hopefully my ovary will be fine and the surgeon will have gotten rid of any endometriosis and/or adhesions. I will gladly recover for as long as it takes, just thankful that it all went well.
I'm praying, and that really does help. And I am eternally grateful for all your prayers as well. I can't even begin to put into words how loved I feel by all the prayers you have offered on my behalf. I will definitely offer up any pain and suffering I have during my recovery for all of you. And I might as well offer up my anxiety now too, and at least put it to some good use!
“Deliver us Lord from every evil and grant us peace in our day. In your mercy, keep us free from sin and deliver us from all anxiety…”
Monday, August 17, 2009
Anxious
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I hate flying, too, and no one understands it.
ReplyDeleteI've only had surgery once so you are an old pro compared to me. I know it will go well but rest assured both you & Ryan are in our prayers. I know how anxious and helpless he must feel about it all as well.
God Bless
Yes I think of you and your upcoming surgery a LOT and am praying for you every single time.
ReplyDeleteYou are going to be fine ... in fact, BETTER than you are now, after your surgery!
I understand the anxiety, though, but I think this is totally normal. Even my 3rd and 4th surgeries I found myself quite nervous beforehand.
I even got nervous about getting nervous, like " does this mean something is going to go wrong?" but then I realized that getting nervous is normal, that everyone gets nervous, and that surgeries happen every single day.
If there is anything specific you are nervous about, just ask your Dr. about it. Getting more information is always helpful.
I am so excited for your recovery post!!! And that is a great prayer at the bottom.
Anxiety before any surgery/procedure is totally normal. I am glad to hear you are processing it! Let it out, and let the Lord know how you feel, He wants to know.
ReplyDeleteThis surgery is totally what you need. It will really benefit your health AND fertility. I am praying for you!
That is great your mom will be there during your recovery, it has been difficult for my DH to be the only one. His mom did help with a meal or so and that was great.
I think you've got a pretty good surgery here. One of the worst parts is that after you finally resign yourself to the surgery, it's MONTHS before they can get you in and you can start getting on with your life. But your whole time from decision to recovery is like a week - and you have a great surgeon too! I have a really good feeling about how all of this is going to go and how it will be good for your health.
ReplyDeletebefore my surgery i would get anxious about the strangest things, not exactly about the procedure, but about little things. i know that i was trying my best to distract myself from fear and that getting stressed out about the state of my home office or how much fun i was having was easier.
ReplyDeletei definitely think that it's important to work through your anxiety. writing about it is definitely a good outlet.
i would focus on how you're going to feel afterwards. i think that with your surgery you're going to have so many more answers AND your scar is going to be so much smaller!
i've been praying for you lots -- i have so much time on my hands!
Oh, you poor thing :( I hate anxiety, it is truly one of the worst feelings there is.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I'm at Mass, I really focus on those words the priest says after the Our Father (the ones you close your post with), because I hate anxiety so much, and want to be free of it!!
I have the utmost faith that you will be a.ok on Thursday- AND, that it will ultimately be a great thing for your fertility.
has the dhea made you more anxious?
ReplyDeletei have seen a naturopath, she says there are things to help with anxiety, homeopathic
this is interesting, esp in light some weeks ago of your being out in the sun :)
never ignore your anxiety though, it can be telling you things!!!!!!!!!!!!1
In this issue of the PCOS Health Review newsletter:
1) Jenn and Her Identical Twin Sister Solve PCOS Puzzle
2) PCOS, Stress and Hypnosis
3) Women with PCOS May Have Bacterial Infection
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1) Jenn and Her Identical Twin Sister Solve PCOS Puzzle
Have you read the amazing story Jenn posted on our site?
Jenn had normal cycles starting at age 13 until age
22 when she started birth control pills. When she
stopped the birth control pills, her period did not
come back.
Her doctor diagnosed her as having PCOS, even
though Jenn was thin and didn't have all the
symptoms of PCOS.
Jenn ate a healthy, low-glycemic diet. She
exercised. She took supplements.
Jenn was doing everything right. Still no ovulation
and no baby.
Fortunately, Jenn has an identical twin sister, who
also stopped the pill. Like Jenn, her sister also
consumed a healthy diet and exercised.
The two women had identical genes and a very
similar diet and lifestyle.
The difference was that Jenn's sister had no
trouble ovulating after getting off the pill. But Jenn
could not ovulate.
The two sisters sat down to analyze their lives in
detail to try to figure out why identical twins with
identical genes and such a similar lifestyle would
have ovaries that behave so differently.
Finally, they hit upon something. Jenn's sister was
a sun bather but Jenn avoided the sun. Since it
was May, Jenn decided to lay out in the sun with
her sister.
One month later, she ovulated! Sunlight helps the
body to manufacture vitamin D. In addition to the
600 IU of vitamin D she was already taking in the
d-pinitol formula, she started taking an additional
2,000 IU of vitamin D. Apparently, vitamin D was
the "missing link" to Jenn's ability to ovulate.
Jenn continued with a normal cycle and became
pregnant eight months later!
What are the lessons from Jenn's story?
1) Your environment is a determining factor in
how successful you are in dealing with PCOS and
infertility. This includes the food you eat, the
water you drink, your physical activity, the people
you associate with, your physical environment and
exposure to pollution, and your general lifestyle.
2) Nutritional supplements play a role in getting
the results you want but it's not always clear which
supplements would be most effective or which
dosage would be most effective. There is some
trial and error involved.
3) Never give up! Persist with exploring
treatment options beyond pharmaceuticals. In
Jenn's case, she did not need more birth control
pills or metformin or other drugs. What she
needed was more vitamin D.
Read the full article here:
www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/news87.html
Read all of Jenn's personal story here:
www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/jenn
Get d-Pinitol here:
www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/store/pinitol
as far as i know, God doesn't DO things to us to force us to learn things...if we're smart and open, we learn things from the things that happen...
ReplyDeleteand God guides us...
i wonder if any of the new things you did for cortisol issues affected you?
dhea, as i posted some time ago, can affect your levels...
having gone through some similar things, my guess is that it might look like a complex cyst (which can be scary) is probably an endometrioma,
i am so sorry to hear of your open incision again, but if she can help with the scar, then good for her! i hated my long recovery and just about wouldn't let anyone do that to me (although my scar is good)...most endo experts can remove cysts etc with just the small incisions of a lap (but fixing the scar is another story)
good luck! God bless! always put your life, heart, soul and hopes in God's hand, as I know you do
ps, i've read that low testosterone can attribute to anxiety, having low levels can make one fearful...
ReplyDeletehave you had your different levels checked lately?