Warning: This post is going to be all over the place (hence the title), which happens to also reflect my current mood. I've got a lot of different things on my mind, so here goes...
First off, I still haven't been feeling well. Nothing I can't handle, but it's just uncomfortable. I'm slightly nauseous all the time. Thankfully it's not full blown nausea. Thank you, God! But... it probably will be once my metformin dose is raised next week. If I'm going to feel sick, then I at least hope it is helping my weight loss.
Speaking of weight loss, I am trying to focus on the good in my life and my weight loss definitely fits into that category (sorry if you're tired of hearing about this! I'm just trying to focus on the positive). I've now lost 19 pounds since the beginning of May, and today I bought my first pair of size 6 pants in years. If someone had told me just a few months ago that by July I'd be able to fit into a size 6 I wouldn't have believed it in a million years! (And let me just say that I'm not "officially" a universal size 6 by any means, but I am when it comes to a certain style of capris in An.n Tay.lor, so that's all that matters!). My life definitely changed at that first appointment with my new doctor. I'm just thankful that I have this to be excited about, because my weight was an issue for me. I hated seeing my reflection, I hated my clothes being tight, I hated seeing pictures of me when I was thinner, I hated trying on clothes at stores and having to admit what size I was. It just added to my infertility depression because I kept postponing weight loss because "soon I'd be pregnant anyways." That, obviously, didn't happen and didn't really make much sense anyways. Well, all of that extra stress is now gone, and any stress I can eliminate can only help my infertility!
As for my cycle, it's day 20 and it's the third day post-peak. I had seven fertile, good-mucus days in a row, so that's good news (since before May I use to have a fews days of mucus, then dry days, then more mucus, then more dry.. you get the picture). Today, I saw a tiny bit of brown mucus twice. Not sure what that means, but don't think I didn't consider implantation bleeding! I'm sure it's not, but you've gotta love those little things that keep hope alive and then lead to more disappointment! As for my temp, it spiked a little on Sunday to 98.0, but since I woke up three hours earlier than normal, I'm hoping that had I slept until my normal time that it would have spiked considerably. I woke up two hours early on Monday and that day it was up to 98.2, while today I woke up at my normal time and it was at 98.5.
Meanwhile, I'm still sad and have been crying unexpectedly lately. Hopefully my trip up north will help to get my mind off of things for a few days.
Speaking of that, I leave tomorrow morning for New York. I'm driving by myself and not exactly looking forward to the ride. But I've got some books on CD and Sophie will be with me, so hopefully it will go by fast. I'll still be posting and reading blogs while I'm there, so you won't even notice I'm gone!
One more thing... My wonderful husband helped to get me out of one of my crying spells today by going for a scenic walk. Isn't he nice? Here are some shots from it:
We both had crying spells on the same day! Well imagine that!
ReplyDeleteWell at least you were able to get up and get out. Even though P kept begging, I just couldn't bring myself to get up and get out.
I just wanted to say congrats on the weight loss. I think you should pat yourself on the back for that! It took a lot of sacrifice and work to do and I am sure that your body is healthier for it.
Eee!! I'm getting my hopes up for you!! :) I didn't have any implantation spotting, and I think it pretty much runs the gamut as far as that goes.
ReplyDeleteSafe travels to NY! :)
I'm sorry you've still been feeling sad. I definitely know the feeling. I also know what you mean about feeling nauseous on met. I was exactly the same way. I just felt "off" and nothing (food-wise) sounded good to me except stuff I shouldn't have (mainly carbs and sugary stuff). I swear I had cereal for dinner about 50% of the time because that is the only thing I felt like eating.
ReplyDeleteAs for upping your dose, just remember that you are in control. Just because the doctor says you should increase the dose doesn't mean you have to stay that way. If you get worse when you increase it, you can always back off for another week or two again. That's what I ended up doing. Eventually I made it halfway back up to the increased dose and found that this is what I can handle. I think it just takes time which sucks because everything about infertility sucks. But at least you wont be feeling physically ill the whole time either.
Big hugs to you and I hope you feel better! By the way, that is just awesome news about your weight loss! Feeling good about your body will DEFINITELY help ease some of your stress! Yay!
I'm P+3 today, too! And unfortunately, I've been cry-ey throughout the day, as well :( But mine is mostly because of DH, so I'm glad yours was nice to you.
ReplyDeleteYay for Size 6! That is incredible progress. And as for the spotting... hmmm...!! Can't wait to see what happens in 12 days or so!