Monday, November 10, 2008

Bad morning

When I woke up this morning and went to the bathroom, I saw some very, very light discoloration. Light brown.

I almost died. I seriously felt dizzy. How can this be happening,  I thought.  I reduce all my desires to merely hoping for an improved cycle, for a lack of spotting - forget getting pregnant - and in the midst of it, I see this?

I even contemplated doing this (see paragraph 6), conveniently forgetting I ever saw it.

Maybe that's why I'm posting now, so that I am held accountable. After all, there's no use hiding what may be a symptom of something that still needs to be treated. And even though I'm inclined to curse God right now, perhaps he is doing me a favor in the long run.

I just spoke too soon. I shouldn't have been all happy that day six got a green sticker. I should know by now to wait until the end, to wait several months even, before deciding if something is good or bad.  Maybe I shouldn't ever do that. Maybe I should just live my life, chart my chart, and go to my doctor appointments. Stop obsessing, stop interpreting, stop diagnosing. 

We'll see if that happens.

P.S. Sophie peed all over the bed last night. I had just washed all the sheets, the blanket, everything, and she decided to christen it at about 1 a.m. (we go to bed late). But not just in a little spot of urine kind of way. No, it was everywhere. I still have absolutely no idea how she managed to create the mess that she did. It looked like a murder scene, only with urine. There were pee foot prints, splash marks on the comforter and the floor, it even got on the folder I keep my Creighton charts in. I'm sure if I had tried I could have done a splatter analysis like on CSI.

I just wanted to share that with you all for some reason. 

8 comments:

  1. I am so-so-so-so sorry! But is it still getting better from previous. Your last post was so encouraging, it takes time. Unfortunately, the clock sounds like a siren. Didn't Sophie just get groomed!!!?? Ahhhh!

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  2. Sorry to hear about your disappointment. I know it can feel like such a set-back!

    I too am feeling very disappointed today. Dr. L's paperwork is still not through concerning the insurance. The scheduling office hasn't even received the paperwork from her (which is apparently the first step towards scheduling with the hospital.) They have no idea when everything will be cleared up and she didn't seem to think Thanksgiving weekend was going to work.

    The IF journey is filled with so many disappointments and so much waiting. It's tough to handle it all!

    I'm praying for you...

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  3. Oh my gosh!!

    did you get all that pee pee out???

    Why do animals do this at the worst possible times?

    I am not too worried about that little bit of spotting following your period. I have had that from time to time, too. If it were several days worth,maybe it would be signaling a problem.

    I think youshould chart it on its merits and don't worry about it.

    I really don't think that little bit of spotting means you aren't still improving a TON and getting ready to conceive.

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  4. sorry you had such a bad morning. I hope you have a better tomorrow!

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  5. i'm on day 9 of my cycle and i had brown spotting yesterday and today.

    yuck.

    it's so frustrating that although we seem to be improving, we have these little set backs.

    hugs to you.

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  6. I think your blog should be called Rollercoaster, doesn't it feel like that's what our lives are one?? Ups and downs, up and downs.

    Hang in there!

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  7. Oh NO! There WOULD have been a murder scene on that bed if Sophie were my dog!! Wow, you're going to be a terrific mom if you kept your cool after that :)

    As for your chart, I think it's time to let the Dr take over. God has chosen him to help women like us, and that is what he will do. Trust in him, and trust in God. That's all we can really do.

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  8. *gasp* I couldn't even imagine what would happen if my dog did that. We just started letting him up on the bed so...

    Bad mornings stink and it's worse when it's something you have no control over. That's when I hide under my covers (if it's a weekend) with a glass of milk, animal crackers and a great movie :)

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