Still waiting

Well I never heard back from my doctor's office today. Ryan keeps telling me they were probably swamped from being closed this morning. 

Emotionally, I'm fine, just having a difficult time with patience. I just want to hear so badly what my doctor has to say. Hopefully I'll know more tomorrow.

Physically, I was sick all day. I spent the whole day on the couch feeling completely out of it - achy, headache, stomach pains and indigestion, and napping on and off. I took some advil this evening and started to feel a little better.

To answer a question from my last post...My bbt did drop this morning. I knew as soon as I saw it that I was about to start a new cycle. It was 97.8, I think.

I'll probably reflect more on everything once I know what, if anything, actually happened, but I will say that I never had my hopes up that I was pregnant. I was super cautious and never celebrated or got excited. Looking back on it now, I kind of wish I had at least been a little surprised at what I thought was a positive test, but I wasn't. At all. I was completely matter-of-fact about it and when my husband said he couldn't see it, I let it go. Not having tested in so long, I guess I forgot that you don't ever get confused about a negative test. It's always obviously negative, and I didn't really remember that until I saw the negative test on Sunday morning.

So I threw away the test and decided to wait til the next morning to test again. I was hopeful, but at that point, the first test wasn't causing me to have hope, it was more the rising progesterone and the lack of a new cycle starting. Then, when it started to sink in that a very, very faint line might be a positive, I was still cautious. Overall, I was in a good mood, but every few seconds it would shift and I'd be telling myself I was nuts for thinking there was a chance. The best way to describe it is to say it's like a limbo - you think there might be a chance, and you don't want to take a pregnancy test to prove otherwise; you like the good mood the hopefulness is causing. I've experienced that limbo many times before, even on months when nothing out of the ordinary has happened (which I always thought was odd, since outwardly I thought I was unable to hope). This time, that's actually what kept me from taking a second test that day. Now I kind of wish I had.

Okay, I'm going to post the picture of the test, but keep in mind, I just took it and it's been sitting around for like 48 hours now. It was much more faint in the few minutes after I first took the test, but I will say that it started to get darker about an hour after (at least that's when I next checked it) and it has stayed the same since that time.

Again, I am completely aware that you are not supposed to look at a test after the ten minute time limit. The reason I want to show you the test is because I want to point out what was visible before the ten minutes were up.



I told you it was faint!! The arrow is pointing to the faint line that was visible before the ten minutes were up. At that point it was a thin line, kind of like a series of dots, but I knew even then that it was the left-hand side of a still invisible thicker line. (You'll probably have to click on the picture to enlarge it in order to see what I'm talking about)

I'm really hoping that I get a call tomorrow from my doctor's office, but I'm praying for patience if that is not to be.