Saturday, March 28, 2009

And the news sinks in

I'm pretty bummed today. It's slowly sinking in that we may not have a baby until next year. I can't help but consider what that means:

  • It'll be 2010
  • I'll be 33 
  • We'll have been married and trying to conceive for almost six years
Those thoughts make me shudder.

I know I shouldn't think in these terms, but I can't help it. I know that God is a God of surprises, but after more than five years of this, I know that surprises may or may not come. They may or may not be in his plan for us.

The truth is I will get through this. It will be very difficult, I'm sure, but the time will pass, and we will get a baby eventually. I might be 33, or I might be 34, but it's not like I'll be eighty, right?

I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be the young mother I longed to be. Heck, I won't even be the average-aged mother I would have settled on. No, I'll be more like one of those career women who waited til their mid-thirties to establish their high-powered jobs before pausing to have a kid. Well, except for the fact that I have no career. Maybe people will see me with a couple babies at age forty and assume I'm a successful doctor or lawyer!

So life without children continues for now, for who knows how long. All I can say is something better change soon because Sophie is getting very tired of being an only child. Last night she got the abstinence talk for the third time (I yell at her that she is to have NO pre-marital sex, and birth control is not an option. This is usually provoked by something on a t.v. show). You think I'm kidding?

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15 comments:

  1. SewMarch 28, 2009 at 4:49 PM

    hahahah! Actually, no, I don't think you are kidding at all!

    hahaha! Hilarious!

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  2. JellyBellyMarch 28, 2009 at 5:12 PM

    i feel your pain.

    although i didn't get married until i was 30, i honestly thought i would be a mom soon after my wedding. i'm officially 34 and two months today and i have to stop myself from thinking that i'm so OLD!!!!

    i do think that it's funny that you had the abstinence talk with sophie! how did she respond? ;)

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  3. Jeremiah 29:11March 28, 2009 at 6:22 PM

    I am with you. I start to get depressed when I start thinking about numbers like that too - even though we haven't been trying or waiting as long as you. It's so easy to get down. I'm praying for you right now - that God will fill your heart with His grace and peace. :)

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  4. Maria March 28, 2009 at 7:37 PM

    Ladies, please do not give up or be sad! Pray the rosary, believe that God and the Blessed Mother will bless you with a child, and then picture it coming true! This is what Immaculee did, which she discussed in her book "Left To Tell".

    You ladies are such wonderful faith filled people with a lot going for you! I will be praying for you all for this intention! Never give up! When you are feeling down, pick up your rosaries and pray!

    Love,
    Maria Therese

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  5. prayerfuljourneyMarch 28, 2009 at 8:27 PM

    Hey, I'm on the verge of being 39! I still have some hope left. You can't focus on what you don't have but what you do have right now. None of us knows God's plans for our future but we all know what we have for now and I bet he wants to us enjoy our lives and be loving. God forbid...but what if our last days on this earth were soon...would we enjoy our lives for what we have now or would be pine after the child we didn't have? I myself have to remind me to be thankful for all the blessings in my life. I'm going to love my life with or w/o children. IT's what God has given to me and I'm alive to talk about it. Blessings!

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  6. BethMarch 28, 2009 at 9:50 PM

    Actually, most of the moms I know who have kids M's age are in their 30's - some in their 40's. I think this is way more "the norm" than you think.

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  7. KatieMarch 29, 2009 at 9:01 AM

    *hug* I'm keeping you in my prayers!

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  8. ShannonMarch 29, 2009 at 10:20 AM

    I love visiting the blogs of moms who have children in their 30s and 40s... there something about their life wisdom and deep commitment to their kiddos that is inspiring and holy.
    In God's time, you will be the most wonderful mom. I really am SO excited for you because I know it is coming soon.
    All that said, your longing is real.... ugh that waiting thing...what a cross.
    Prayers!

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  9. Christina @ Faith for FertilityMarch 29, 2009 at 11:01 AM

    I found this verse and posted it where I would see it everyday. It really helped me to hand things over to God.

    "He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord." Psalms 113:9

    I hope this helps you in your journey.

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  10. Right Said RedMarch 29, 2009 at 4:16 PM

    So frustrating. I will pray that you have peace with this wait. It must be so hard. Keep praying, keep hoping, and keep trusting the Lord. He will bless you with a baby.

    As for the baby in your mid-thirties thing, all the mothers around here are in their late 30's early 40's! Most of them did not have some high power career, I think it is the thing to do now? They look at me like I'm young a silly, so at least you will be better equipped to evangelize to this group once you have a baby.

    Red

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  11. a thorn in the pewMarch 29, 2009 at 7:07 PM

    Still praying for you. I wait on miracles(for all I know)

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  12. AnonymousMarch 30, 2009 at 1:43 PM

    I feel the same impatience as you do. I just want to have a child...NOW! It is so hard for me to even think about waiting to start the adoption process!

    But one thing you definitely have going for you is that you don't look anything near your age. So I highly doubt people will look and you and think...she obviously waited to have kids. You look super young to me! So I think you will still be a young mom!

    BTW, you talks with your dogs made me totally LOL! Ha Ha!

    Keep practicing! You'll need those skills soon enough! I will just keep praying that God brings your baby to you much quicker than you are expecting!

    Hugs!!

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  13. AuntsAnonMarch 31, 2009 at 10:01 PM

    I really wanted to be a young mother, too, and I'm 35 -- and I'm not even married. So I totally understand your Cross! Let us pray for one another. +

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  14. Life In MazesApril 1, 2009 at 4:22 PM

    I play the numbers game more often than I should. I have really been trying to surrender and at this stage am okay, but who knows what is around the corner. I know that I am always saying that your miracles are right around the corner, but I truly believe this.

    Hang in there, our prayers are with you!

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  15. AnonymousApril 6, 2009 at 5:44 PM

    Hi, I've been reading your blog for a while, and this really spoke to me. I'm 29, married almost five years and we have been open to life the whole time; two miscarriages, one after HSG and one after surgery for endometriosis, but no baby. I'm having similar feelings as this cycle would have been my last chance to have a baby before 30, but now it's looking like my period is imminent.

    Thanks for your blog. It helps to know I'm not alone, espeically when IUI and IVF and other techniques against the teachings of the Church are pushed as the only options (no napro doc in my area).

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