Tamoxifen cycle #4

Still no peak +11 results. Ugh. I actually haven't heard anything from my doctor's office about whether they called the lab, or found anything out. I left another message today.

(***Update*** My doctor's office just called and my peak +11 progesterone was 10.94. Interesting, because it went down like normal, instead of rising again like the previous cycle. Still wondering why that happened last time! And I should also point out that my peak +11 is higher than my peak +8 was in January (it was 8.21). Big improvement!)

In cycle news, it's day three. I almost forgot to start my Tamoxifen today, so luckily that crisis was averted. A friend sent me a message on facebook asking about my last cycle and when I went to respond, it hit me that I needed to start the Tamoxifen. I had no idea what day I was on, so I frantically found my chart and discovered it was day three. I was okay. Phew! I called the pharmacy and I'll get it in time.

This will be cycle #4 for the Tamoxifen. My doctor originally had told me he wanted to try four cycles of it, but my prescription says I have another refill after this one, so I guess we're doing five. I'm kind of sad that we're almost to the end of it, and I'm kind of sad we're almost to the end of the 6-9 month range he gave me in October. I know that soon we'll be at another crossroads, trying to figure out what to do next, if anything.

Lately, my head starts spinning at all the other types of treatments that are out there that I'm not sure I have the energy to try. All the tests and diets and studies; I feel like I'm constantly discovering new ones and I just feel like this could be never ending. I'm kind of surprised by myself, because that actually is very unlike me, since infertility and trying to get pregnant is my life. You'd think that having more options would be comforting! But for some reason, I just can't envision myself going to different doctors around the country to try something else that might not work at this point. I am so exhausted. I just want so badly for my answer to be an easy one. I know that's what we all want. I guess I am going to keep praying for guidance. That's all I can do.

I also figure that another surgery will probably be in my future, to check to see if I have the dreaded adhesions. I figure I do, at least on my left side. I have dull pain there throughout my cycle.

This is getting old, isn't it? Writing about what is wrong, could be wrong, etc. I'd just love for the focus of my life to change soon.

In other news, with vacation only a week and a half away, Ryan and I are starting a super-duper healthy diet, eating only fruit, vegetables, nuts, eggs, and grilled chicken. I'm excited, actually. I'm looking at it kind of like an experiment, to see if we can do it. I'm hoping for a five pound loss.

We also just finished a week-long redecoration of our guest bedroom/sewing room. I'm so excited! We painted the walls tan, painted a wooden desk white, I made curtains, got new bedding. And now that it's finished, it's exactly what I envisioned! My camera battery is dead, but I'll post pictures when it's charged, so check back!