I have a problem.
It's Day 10 and Luke is still crying for up to an hour before falling asleep. It's driving me batty. And I don't know how this happened - how getting him to sleep in his crib by using a fairly conservative form of sleep training morphed into the harshest type of "Cry It Out" there is.
I didn't sign up for this. And I don't see an end in sight. Shouldn't he be taking less time to fall asleep by Day 10?
And then there are the naps. He's obviously tired, falling asleep, so I put him down in his crib. For the first few days, he cried about 15 minutes and then slept for up to two hours. Great. But then the crying got longer. The other day he cried for over an hour, so I went and got him (since that was roughly the length of time he'd nap anyway). He got tired a little while later, so I put him down again. He cried for over an hour again, so I got him up again. And then repeated it all a third time. I felt like all I did that day was listen to him cry.
(And yes, maybe going in and getting him is making it worse, but how long can I let him cry? It's a nap, not nighttime. And he wasn't winding down.)
Maybe I shouldn't even be admitting I let him cry that much.
I'm not sure what to do. About naps or nighttime. Ryan believes him crying for an hour every night is worth him sleeping through the night (although that's getting shorter and shorter too. The last two mornings he woke up at quarter to six). I'm not sure I agree. I just can't listen to my baby cry that much, at least not without the promise that soon he'll go down calmly and drift happily sleep.*
I am now sick with what he and Clara had (head cold, cough). I feel awful, so now I know what they must have felt like, poor babies. And he's not completely over it, which is probably affecting his sleep too.
I just feel like I'm barely hanging on emotionally. Plus, I'm losing my mind trying to take care of two babies while being sick. Wow, that's not easy. Today I took a non-drowsy allergy medication only to nearly fall asleep while taking care of them. Needless to say, I won't be taking that again. And this sickness comes after having the stomach bug last week. I can't call in sick to this job, which also happens to be the most difficult job I've ever had. Most rewarding too, but you know what I mean. Not easy to do while sick, especially since their safety and well-being depends on you being somewhat alert.
I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, because I'm not. I'm just saying all that to illustrate why I feel like I'm losing it.
Alright, Luke is finally asleep, after exactly an hour (it's pretty much like clockwork). Now I can go to bed. Thanks for reading my rant.
*After re-reading this and having calmed down a bit, I do want to add that I agree, overall, with Ryan that Luke does need to sleep in his crib. He's sleeping WAY more than he ever was before, and that's great. He so needed it. And stopping this is not an option. We can't lose all the great improvement Luke has made, which is why I think I'm having a hard time emotionally - because there is no choice to be made. I have to let him cry. I just really, really, really wish that tomorrow I'll put him down and he'll fall right asleep. I can dream.
This is horrible. I am so sorry. I can't imagine how hard it is to hear him cry for an hour and then wake up so early. UGH...
ReplyDeleteI think his sicknesss is playing a big role and I am thinking as soon as his little cold clears up he is going to be ready to go night night again according to your routine.
Hang in there. Do nothing else but take care of the three of you. All other chores are out until the colds go away!
I'm so sorry....
ReplyDeleteThis too shall pass, nothing lasts forever! Just do what you feel is right and go with it....Even if it means going against what the "sleep" training says....
Sleep tight lil momma! So sorry you are ill! ACK!
Sounds like an ear infection! If they were sick and that's happening after sleep training, that's my guess. My son had eight ear infections by 16 months so I remember. Take him to the doctor right away.
ReplyDeleteOh, K! Hope you are sleeping right now! Will be praying. We just got our copy of the "no cry sleep solution" and we are still trying anything to get to sleep. I don't know it will work, but I already feel more understanding about what to expect.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better soon.
btw, I agree with sew, go with yor instincts and comfort your baby as you wish.
ReplyDeleteIntrepidgirl - He's been to the doctor twice in the past two weeks (one was for a well visit and one was for his current cough/cold) and both times his ears were fine. They said it was a virus and to do breathing treatments. I have to admit, though, that I've been slacking off with the treatments. Both of the babies are supposed to get them several times a day, which is pretty hard to keep up with, and add to that my being sick.. well, there's no excuse but I've missed a lot of treatments. I'm going to get back on schedule with it tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I think I might call tomorrow if he's still not better. I swear I'm in there at least once a week with one of them!
I'm with Intrepidgirl, my first 'gut' would be an ear-infection, particularly if you are all getting over a sinus bug? Have you considered Motrin if he does have an ear infection? Those dang ears don't drain well lying flat either, so have you elevated the head of the crib with a big dictionary or wedge under the head of the bed area of the mattress? It's so hard when you make sleep progress and an illness slaps you back 3 steps, but try to keep up with it......and maybe check 'dem ears! Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter took about a month to "get it"...we were doing Weissbluth and I finally figured out that the 3rd nap he insists on (around 4 pm) was making it impossible for her to fall asleep at bedtime. (About one hour of crying every night, through which I literally lay on the floor and cried and prayed.) Once I cut that out, she was fine. So, you may need to play around with his sleep schedule. Happily, my daughter has been a great sleeper since about 7 months, and now, at 2.5 goes down easily and sleeps 11 hrs/night. There is light at the end of the tunnel!
ReplyDeleteOh, K, I wish I knew! Jax trained quickly, so we were lucky with that. I do think him being sick makes it much worse, though. Whenever Jax gets sick, he screams and I usually have to get him up and let him fall asleep in my lap. He just can't hold it together. But, luckily, we didn't have to do that in the middle of the early days of sleep training. I wish you luck - like someone else said, this won't last forever (or probably even that long). Each difficult phase they go through seems like YEARS but really they fly by...
ReplyDeleteAnd, honestly, I am literally DREADING the day I get sick and have to care for these 2. I barely hold it together when I am not sick. I am so, so sorry. You don't have ANYone to call on to help? Or to pay to help even ? What about from church? I have found that my sanity comes from at least knowing I have a couple of friends to come over in a pinch IF I needed it. I almost never call them, but I need to know they are there. I hope you have someone like that...
Don't be embarrassed, or ashamed, or any of that mess.
ReplyDeleteThis is literally one of the hardest parts of parenthood. It is not for the weak. This WILL pass.
Until then, when he cries, pray to his guardian angel and St. Luke to comfort him, pray to yours to give you strength, pray to Mary our Mother, etc.
It will get better, usually overnight. Sucks, sucks, sucks, BAM! They sleep.
Hang in there.
I am so sorry that you are going through this, both you and Luke. I wish I...or someone here...had a perfect answer that would solve it all.
ReplyDeleteI never read any sleep training books. At about 10 months, I started teaching my daughter to go to sleep without a breast in her mouth by nursing her, then laying on my bed with her until she fell asleep. It took awhile and she often cried while we lay there, but she'd go to sleep and then I'd put her in her crib. She'd stay there about 5 hours, then awaken and come back to bed with me for the rest of the night. Eventually we switched to her falling asleep in her crib with me sitting by her. By 14 months, we moved her to her own room, and she at that point stopped nursing at all in the night, though on occasion she would waken and I would come sit by her until she went back to sleep.
I may have done things in ways that slowed us down, but all in all it was as painless as I felt it could be given my daughter's personality. I hope you find something that works for you and Luke.
Isaac didn't cry much, ever. But Elijah, up until he was about a year, cried himself to sleep everytime. But he DID go to sleep. I agree with your hubby. You know what is best for your little boy and that is getting sleep. My husband (doctor) often says, crying is very healthy for a child. They are burning off energy. It is okay.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, while an hour is long, it is not TOO long. I would DEFINITELY keep letting him cry for an hour. He will get over it. About one year old, Elijah started ASKING to go to bed. Went from crying to requesting it (using sign for night-night.)
Honestly friend, year 1 is going to be the hardest of the whole thing. It was SOOOO hard for me too -- and I am a good one to be able to say this as mine were 8 months apart. Hang in there. It WILL WILL WILL get better.
Do you have anyone who can give you a bit of a break? Just come over for a few hours once a week to give you a little respite? I had family come in a lot during this time so I could take extra naps. It helped tremendously.
My son is 2 and we still struggle with him going to sleep! He's not crying for an hour anymore, but he can get up and out of bed. It's tough! Think of how far you've come though- you did not expect to be anywhere close to where you are now by day 10! My biggest piece of advise re: crying at night, DON'T listen to it. Go to another side of the house. Turn the monitor off, checking in every few minutes or so. There is no reason to subject yourself to that!
ReplyDeleteThe thing with naps- I don't know if it's true for Luke or not, but my son has a window. If he does not go down for a nap, he's not napping that day. It took me a while to figure out what that ideal nap time was for him- about 1 pm, ever since he was little- that seems to early for me, but works for him- but as long as I stick to that time, we have a lot better results.
This IS one of he hardest things you will deal with, but ultimately, you have to remember that this is the best thing for him. He needs to be able to put himself to sleep.
Good luck and hang in there!
Here is an OLD link with my experience with sleep training: http://suddenlystayathome.blogspot.com/2009/10/in-defense-of-cry-it-out-ferber-method.html, if you're interested.
ReplyDeleteEveryone's advice is great, and my only addition is to say, don't worry, none of this will damage him permanently. It will pass and he will be fine, and one day you seriously won't even remember it.... There is hope, and peace after you get through this.
ReplyDeleteoh I have such sympathy for you! Being sick with two? ouch. You are right there is no time off to take care of yourself when you're a Mommy.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are holding it together (no matter how close to the edge) and doing a great job with the sleeping issues. At least he is sleeping better and I'm sure the sickness has made him take some steps back. I hope for only good news once he feels better!
feel better soon!
I am so sorry it does not feel that it is getting better. I agree with what Cathy said and big ditto. BTDT.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I would add is making sure your bed time and nap time routines are consistent. That helped us so much.
http://www.babysleepsite.com/schedules/7-month-old-baby-schedule/
ReplyDeleteCheck out this site, it has helped us a lot. We did sleep training a lot differently, but this is what I picked up from it in case it helps.
- Early bed time helps with sleeping longer and later at night. If they are overtired, they have a hard time falling asleep and cry and cry. Seriously, 7:00 pm is not too early. We do bedtime between 7-7:30, but have done earlier nights when he is overtired. He went from sleeping 8-9 hours at night to 11-12 hours.
- At this age, my guy dropped to two naps with about 3 to 4 hours between his last nap and bedtime. Anything more, he is probably overtired, anything less and he might not be sleepy enough.
- Strict bedtime routine; bath, pjs, books, cuddling and singing is ours (to help get drowsy, not fall asleep) before putting in crib
- We never left him alone the whole time to cry...we either comforted him in his crib with pats/singing until he fell asleep (the first few weeks), or checked on him every 10-15 minutes until he fell asleep (later in the process). Sometimes just going in and patting his back for a few minutes, then leaving again, helped him fall asleep faster. (He still cried, but it would shorten it).
- Is he screaming hysterically or just fussing? My guy was a screamer. One hour of screaming is probably not actually training him to comfort himself to sleep, he is just falling asleep because he has exhausted himself. Fussing, on the other hand, is normal and can last a long time and is part of self-soothing!
- Nap sleeping and night sleeping are very different. We were told (by a specialist) to work on night sleeping first...only when he was falling asleep within 10 minutes at bed time would he be ready to tackle naps. I think it might be a lot to try to do it all at once. If he is not sleeping well at night, he is overtired and can't put himself down for his naps, which makes him overtired again at night...it is a self-perpetuating cycle.
- After night sleep was 10 minutes or less, we did naps. We were told to only let him cry an hour, then get him up and try again in another hour. By this point he was used to the night sleeping so he always fell asleep within 15-20 minutes.
- When my guy is sick, sleep training flies out the window and we do whatever makes him feel best :) Once he feels better, he always easily returns to the "normal" sleep arrangements.
None of this might help, but sleeping was such a battle and process for us that I felt like I had to share. Of course you know to do what you think is best as everyone has different personalities and children :) I hope Luke is sleeping peacefully, soon!
With our LO, it seemed like if she didn't nap well that day the 5:30 PM bedtime meant a lot less crying. It seems crazy, but she would sleep until 6:30 AM or later. Does he have a lovey? E loves her little silky lamb, it calms her down immediately. I know this is so hard, but keep up the good work. Being sick and a SAHM is SO rough. Is there anyone that can come in and help at all? It might be time for the reinforcements...
ReplyDeleteI am reading this way after the fact and know things are good now and I am so happy for you. Our issue is not that he won't go down, but that he keeps waking to be fed-usually before I go to bed and then at least one more time, sometimes two. It's usually around 1 am, not like 5am. His stretches always occur when I am still awake and he doesn't wake in the morning hungry so I know he can go lengths of time. I question myself a lot, like today when he barely nursed. Is it teeth? Does he need more reflux meds b/c he was pulling off a ton? Or was he just distracted? Do I give too much solids? Not at the wrong times? He eats so good at night, wide awake and gulping it down. He isn't falling asleep on the breast, so it appears he is hungry and doesn't need it to go to sleep. So I keep feeding. And to avoid the bloodcurling screams that ensue if I don't. For 30-45 min. If he does go back down without eating, then he wakes again shortly and we have to do it again. I have never made it past that point. I am a zombie! Any advice appreciated. Sorry-an email or fb msg would have been a more appropriate place for this question.
ReplyDeleteHmmm.. I barely know what I am doing, obviously, but drawing from all the advice and info I got around the time I was trying to get Luke to sleep, I have some thoughts. First, it sounds like he is just really smart and is having separation issues in the night. He's grown accustomed to you coming and getting him. Our pediatrician warned us that could be a problem with L, but it turned out he was still able to be trained. So it can still be done. I know their sleep issues are different, but we thought L was going to have a problem with waking up in the night too. We got lucky though, and when he woke up and cried that first week, he would fall back asleep usually in two minutes (and sometimes 20+, but usually closer to two). We'd never go in his room and 99% of the time I don't even think he was actually awake. Just crying in his sleep, which I've heard is common.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried to actually go through a whole night not feeding him and dealing with the consequences? I know that sounds TERRIBLE. For all four of you. But maybe, just maybe, he'll surprise you and it won't last all night. Or if it does, maybe it'll be just that first night and the second night he'll sleep through.
The other thought I had right away was that I could just as easily be in your situation. We all could be. I did nothing right, just as you are doing nothing wrong. Hopefully you already know that! But I had a hard time with that when L wasn't sleeping, so I just wanted to remind you. I'm praying you get some good sleep very soon!