I know there are some times when you're advised to not make any bold moves - namely cut off your hair - like after a big break up or something. But does pregnancy fall into that category? For some reason I had this weird feeling that you're not supposed to do anything drastic because it may be the crazy hormones making you do it.
Oh well. It's too late.
I had it cut several inches to a little below my shoulders (I know, but that's short and bold for me). I think I like it, although my normal moody self had some doubts for a little while this afternoon. At least it's healthier and will be easier to do. I so don't have the time or energy lately and it was showing.
And another bonus - hopefully Clara won't yank it quite as much as before!
Here's a pic from my phone:
I know what you're thinking - that's not that short! But it was seriously long before.
So I have an issue that's come up a few times lately and I'm hoping some of you might have some advice for me.
Lately when people meet Clara (always people who don't know us and our story), they comment on her skin color. Of course we imagined this would happen, but just not like this. A few people have actually commented on her "tan", usually looking at her and saying something like, "your mommy must have you out in the sun!"
I typically then explain that oh no, she's actually adopted and that's her natural skin color, despite the fact that her adoption would otherwise not have been brought up and, frankly, I'm trying to get away from it constantly being the focus of any conversation about her. Not everyone needs to know our whole story. At least let us get to know you a little first.
So my issue is how to handle this in the future because, at least while it's summer, it's bound to happen again (hopefully they won't assume the same in the winter).
On one hand I wonder if it's perhaps my pride that wants to correct them, so they know I'm not a bad mother. Maybe I don't need to explain it at all since I know I'm not leaving her out in the sun, which is really all that matters.
Speaking of that, let's be real here. For a baby to get Clara's skin color - which is gorgeous, by the way - I'd have to lather her up in baby oil and flip her every half hour!
So if anyone has any advice, please let me know. I'm sure it's just the first of many interesting issues that will arise!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Bold move - Updated with pic
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Let me just say that Clara's skin color is absolutely gorgeous--which is probably why people are commenting about it! Seriously, her skin makes me want to adopt, haha! My Claire is so white she is practically translucent. And I will add that everyone I see comments on her skin as well (usually something like, she is so fair skinned, you better be careful with her in the sun). So for some reason I think a babies skin is just a hot conversation piece?!?
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I know what to say other than, "no she isn't in the sun much, that's just the gorgeous skin color God blessed her with." Or something along those lines.
Can't wait to see your hair! I bet its gorgeous!
ReplyDeleteSO funny you mention this- a woman at a store today said, "Oh my! Look at your baby's nice tan!" She didn't mention anything about sun block or damage so I didn't say anything and just smiled. (I don't blame you for responding when someone says something about sun damage though! What the?!) Anyway, people seem to make all sorts of comments about babies, don't you think? I just don't respond if they are dumb... Although I thought it was so funny about the comment I received today because the woman who said it happened to be black so wouldn't you think she'd see his features and realize that he is biracial? Anyway, my advice would be to ignore it or just simply, "Oh no. It's her natural color." What can someone say to that? (Although, I'm sure someone will come up with something...haha!) :)
ok, so i don't have a comment on your post directly, but it did make me think of my sister's baby. when she had him he was really jaundice. he was so yellow (but still healthy) to the point where people would comment on what a nice tan he had!! how can a newborn have a tan?!? "umm, no, he has a liver problem." i just thought that was hilarious and would maybe make you laugh. people say silly things regardless!
ReplyDeleteI'll bet your hair looks great! As for the comments about your beautiful Clara's "tan" - I think that Red and GIMH have offered great advice and have nothing to add except prayers that this is the hardest question you'll ever have to answer.
ReplyDeleteI married into an adoptive family, and my one of my bffs growing up was adopted...and I would say- let them wonder. To this day, we have friends who comment on pictures of my husband and his brothers- and NO ONE- save one very sensitive, also adoption inclined friend- has said "Oh, so is Brother adopted?" As proudly adoptive as my husbands family is...she is your daughter- plain and simple. I wouldn't even go into adoption....just say, oh no, that's her natural color! I would never leave her in the sun!
ReplyDeleteAlso- who thinks that you would tan your baby? do people do that???
Moonheads - Haha.. That's how I feel! I think it's funny that someone would actually think I tan her!
ReplyDeleteAnd Red - That's so funny because I'm pretty sure our biological child will be pretty pale! I've even wondered about the future as teenagers when Clara will be tan year round and our biological child will just burn. I know I would've been jealous if my sister tanned easily!
And I like your ideas.. if I even feel the need to respond I'll just say it's her natural color that God blessed her with. I like that!
Welcome to the short hair club!!! Can't wait to see photos!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that people think you tan your baby???? What is up with that???? Some people are just dumb.
I've gotten this comment about our son several times as well. I usually just smile sweetly at them. I don't feel like I owe strangers an explanation. Although...I love Red's response.
ReplyDeleteYou don't owe anyone an explanation. Just smile and say "Yup, she's my golden girl" and leave it at that. A simple thank you works also.
ReplyDeleteThat is so funny about your hair!!! I bet it looks great! My hairdresser calls it self mutilation and is the cause of hormones. ;)
ReplyDeleteIT's so funny because I sit in the mirror and I'm like is my hair getting as long as AYWH and GIMH! No lie! I even ask my husband if my hair is getting longer. Please tell me yes Mr., since obviously the bubbies aren't getting any bigger! hahahaha LMBO
I like the make em' wonder comment... :) Or say yes, I plop her on the deck 10 hours a day wth? ;)
to be honest I would comment too, because her skin is so gorgeous! I would say the same about baby E! Another thing (believe it or not) is that alot of babies, my sister included tan EASY when outside and have lovely tans right now. (he's 1)
ReplyDeleteI would respond with "Thank you! we love it too" and go about my business.
I can't wait to see a picture. I bet it looks great!
ReplyDeleteFirst I had two thoughts about your situation:
ReplyDelete1) I'm not sure if I'd just go up to a stranger and comment on their baby's skin color, so I thought that was kind of weird.
2) In a lot of the pictures of Clara smiling, I actually think she looks a lot like you! I remember a while back reading some study that showed that after people had been married a while they start to look like each other and take on the same mannerisms...I wonder if adopted children start to resemble their parents the same way?
Even though my son is not adopted, I have run into the same situation because he has the same coloring and very much resembles his dad who is not in our lives. People always say to me that we look alike because of our "beautiful blonde hair"... but in reality mine is actually dark brown. I'm also naturally darker skinned and he is pasty white. I think if I didn't dye my hair, we'd look nothing alike. Usually I just smile and nod, and say nothing.
Funnily enough, I've also had friends in sort of a "reverse" situation, where they are in an interracial marriage so they are white and their children are not. People have assumed their kids are adopted! I actually had one instance where a stranger came up to a friend and said they were "also" thinking of adopting a Chinese baby and wanted advice, and my friend was like "um...he's my biological child.." LOL
I can't wait to see the hair picture. Red, GIMH, and PHDW all had great advice.
ReplyDeleteLike the first commenter, two of mine were *very* pale white as infants, and I got comments about it ALL THE TIME!! But I agree that you don't owe anyone an explanation!
ReplyDeleteI bet your hair looks great!
This reminds me a little of a friend Becky who was bringing her 10 day old adopted daughter home on a plane. Now, Becky is tiny. Skinny and tiny, carrying a newborn. The flight attendant says to her "Oh my, you're so skinny and how old is that baby?" And goes on and on about how good she looks with a newborn and what ever did she do to lose the weight. Not wanting to explain, Becky just told him, "My secret is cranberry juice...lots of cranberry juice." And left it at that. I can just picture the flight attendant telling everyone he knows that cranberry juice is the secret to losing baby weight.
ReplyDeleteSoo...you should just say that you only feed her chocolate milk or something to get her skin color that gorgeous mocha! Smile and walk away! Strangers don't need to know the whole story!
This is not the same situation but it reminds me of when my oldest son was a newborn. He had a nevi simplex birthmark on his forehead which looked like a red flame. A woman in the grocery store actually had the nerve to ask me if I had hit my baby! I was appalled, of course, and told her that it was a birthmark. I couldn't believe someone would actually ask that...
ReplyDeleteWe suffered through infertility also but have been blessed with three children through the miracle of adoption. Not many people have commented on our children's different appearances but I have met new families in our Catholic homeschooling group who have commented about the fact that I have only three children. The opposite problem that most large families encounter in our society! I always answer that we have the size family that the dear Lord gave us. So I would agree that I would answer that it was just the beautiful skin that the dear Lord has blessed her with.
What great comments! My little girl gets those comments a lot, too...especially now that it is summer. I am going to have to say something about the skin color God blessed her with. I like that! Thanks!
ReplyDelete(Sorry I don't really have anything profound to add....)
Clara is beyond precious. My 2 sons who were adopted have different skin tones. People I barely know will say shockingly, " their skin color is so different". I usually just say, "yes aren't they beautiful". What bothers me more is when they use adopted as an adjective. It is a verb that happened in the past. After 8 years, I don't have any issues correcting. I love your blog, thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteBlessings from another forever mommy
OK, so I'm looking at this picture of you right next to the profile picture of you holding Clara for the first time... and I see absolutely NO DIFFERENCE in length!! You are an insane preggo lady.
ReplyDeleteHahaha. But I do love how it's styled :)
Your hair looks really cute! :)
ReplyDeleteBeing the mother of two bi-racial children I get that a lot. Not as much when I am alone with them, but when we are all out together. When our daughter was a baby it started with "where does she get her olive skin?" I always wanted to say "my husband's mother is very dark," because she is, but the joke is--he is adopted too. Now we get "are they yours?" I decided months ago, after getting really tired of explaining the adoption to simply say, "Yes." That's all I say and I smile. If they ask more I will tell them more. But after questions like "are you babysitting" and "what are they" (we are in NZ and not America, there aren't many African American people here)--I decided these are my children. That's all anyone needs to know. If they are polite and ask nicely--I will tell them. If I get a happy lady who asks "are they adopted" I will gladly tell her our beautiful story.
ReplyDeleteBTW--love the hair!
It will be fun to have Clara and your new baby with different skin tones. It can happen even with biological siblings: Mine range from pasty white-skinned redheads with freckles (we still don't know where that came from) to very dark skinned (our newest baby has mongolian spots, and I never even knew what they were, but now I do... and he is going to be our darkest-skinned yet).
ReplyDeleteLove the hair! Flattering!
My son (20 months) actually does have a very dark tan. I don't leave him out in the sun, of course, but I don't put on sun block for a quick run to the store and now his legs are dark brown. I am pasty white year-round and no one has said a word to me. We live in a really diverse town, though, with lots of different races and interracial marriage isn't as uncommon as it probably is elsewhere, so maybe they just assume my husband is dark-skinned. He is, actually, though not nearly as dark as our son. Also, I think people are more likely to comment on babies than on toddlers. I bet you'll get less remarks as she gets older.
ReplyDeleteI love your hair!!! You did chop a ton off!
ReplyDeleteI love the hair! I can tell a big difference from the baby bump picture you took.
ReplyDeleteLove the hair!!1
ReplyDeleteEveryone else has great advice. I agree with not letting strangers know she's adopted. My sons are dark and it is very obvious that they are adopted. When they were babies people would comment that they didn't look like me and must look like their father. I would just smile. The funniest thing that someone asked me was what "tribe" they were from. I kid you not. It was so hard not to laugh.
ReplyDeletesuper cute hair, its great to "see" you.
ReplyDeleteLove the hair!
ReplyDeleteYour hair is lovely. I don't see a huge difference in the length but I know what it's like to cut off what seems like a ton to you and that fresh, healthy feeling you get from it.
ReplyDeleteRe: the comments from people...I have no problem ignoring rude insinuations like that and just leaving them to wonder. My hispanic kids brown up so beautifully (and quickly) in the summer...no matter how well I lube them up with sunscreen. If I'm feeling particularly nice I might make some comment about the beautiful skin God gave them, yadda but yadda, yadda but otherwise, it's none of their darn business.
My rule of thumb: nosey questions don't deserve satisfactory answers.
I like what many of your other comments said and RSR's note, "that's just the gorgeous skin color God blessed her with."
ReplyDeleteClara is beautiful and so are you!
My son looks a lot like me and my husband (a good mix) but I have gotten plenty of other rude comments, and strangely enough, they were all in Walmart! One of them was "Your mommy doesn't know what she is doing, does she?" When my one-month old son was crying in his carseat and we were browsing the aisles. He HATED his carseat then, but aside from taking him out (which I was in the process of doing when she commented) there wasn't much else to soothe him. Then, just last week, we were checking out and several people were commenting on how adorable my son is (proud moment for me)...enter rude commenter "How old is he?" Me: "9 months" rude lady whispering in my ear as she left the store, "Do you EVER feed him?!" I was flabbergasted! I mean, he is petite, but very healthy looking. The pedi says he's fine. WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE?! I just ignored the comments both times, partly because I was too shocked to speak!
Hugs,
Heather
I LOVE your hair.... it looks gorgeous!
ReplyDeleteI love your hair!!!! You're one hot mama!!!!
ReplyDeletekarey,
ReplyDeleteclara is so lovely and has gorgeous skin- so let people know how happy you are for her to have a great complexion!!!!!!!!!
<3, antonia