Confusion

I'm confused.

I've been trying to write a post for a while, but every time I write something I end up deleting it.

It's just that I'm trying hard to discern God's will for me. I think I know what it is (to stick with the adoption agency we're with, where adoptions have come to a standstill), but sometimes I don't feel at peace about it. But then I wonder if that's just because I'm being impatient.

I mean, there really is no visible reason why we shouldn't be pro-active about adopting. We've been married for five years. We're in our early thirties and not getting any younger. We have a home all ready to welcome a child into.

Not to mention that there's nothing wrong with being pro-active. I'm deciding between two good options.

So how am I supposed to know what God wants for me? Of course I pray and pray. But apart from the Lord speaking or appearing to me himself, I am just never sure if it's his will that comes into my head or just my own desires.

Well, of course I don't desire to sit around do nothing about adoption. If it were up to me I'd find a new agency. That's actually the very reason I've been thinking God did put that on my heart - because it's not the answer I wanted. But then - because I like to complicate things - I wonder if it's not God's will for us to wait and it's actually me subconsciously making things harder for myself.

See why I'm confused?

Thankfully we have adoration tomorrow, and I'll definitely spend some time bringing this issue before the Lord. I know what he'll say though. Because I've been asking him to reveal his will for a couple weeks now and it always becomes clear to me that we should just sit still for a while.

Okay, maybe it is me just being impatient. God must be so annoyed with me. I ask and I ask and he answers and answers. And still I doubt and ask some more.

In other news, today is Ryan's birthday!



Tonight we're going out to celebrate. He's kind of a social media celebrity here in town (due, in part, to the fact that he tweets during the news) and so a bunch of his Twit.ter followers (whom he's never met in real life) started asking him to come out to do karaoke on his birthday. To their surprise, he decided to take them up on it and the bar where we're going even tweeted about him coming and it's posted on their website! So we're heading downtown later tonight with a few friends. His twitter friends have promised him he'll be alive tomorrow and still have a job. I guess that's all you can ask for.

Speaking of Twitt.er, after months of prodding by Ryan, I have finally gotten an account. I doubt anyone out there needs to know what I am doing at any given moment, but it's not all that different than telling everyone what you're doing on facebook. I've found that I mainly like to go on it to see what celebrities are doing. I know it's not the best way to spend my time, but I have to admit it's my guilty pleasure. I find it fascinating to know what famous people are doing on any given Tuesday afternoon!

Anyways, if any of you are on it and want to follow me, it's my full name. If you don't know what my name is, click on the link above that says "My other website" and you'll find it.