My story (it's long so feel free to skim)...

I've been thinking about writing a blog for some time now, and for some reason I have decided today is the day. I know I'll regret it later if I don't document my infertility journey as I go through it. If nothing else can come out of this, I hope that my story can help someone else. Since this all began I have found help hard to come by, so I hope that perhaps I can help to change that for others, in some tiny way.

So let me introduce myself in case anyone happens upon this blog. I am 30 years old, live in the Richmond, VA area (for only a few months) and have been struggling with infertility for three years now. I've probably been infertile for years, but I was married in September, 2004, and failed my first pregnancy test probably a month later. That's when I knew. How was I so sure? Probably because I'm a pessimist and because when, in college, I watched an episode of Party of Five where Matthew Fox's wife learns she's infertile I cried like a baby and thought, "That would be the worst thing ever. I'm afraid that might happen to me." So since then the fear of being infertile has been in the far back of my mind, but when it didn't happen right away I knew. Also, looking back, I had what I now understand to be endometriosis "attacks" several times since age 19, twice landing in the emergency room. I was always told it was gastrointestinal.

So after waiting the obligatory year to visit an OBGYN (I'm not even sure where I got that "rule" from, I didn't even try), I was put through all the regular tests, bloodwork, sonograms and six Clomid cycles. After those didn't work I was put on a waiting list for a fertility doctor known for all of his successful IVF cases. Being Catholic, IVF was not an option but my OBGYN really made me feel like if I didn't go, it was the end of the line for me ("and I must not really want a child if I won't do IVF." She didn't actually say that, but sometimes I think people think that.) So I sought the counsel of faithful friends who all agreed that it would be worthwhile to use the appointment as a "fact-finding mission." So we went and I knew I made a mistake when there were huge containers breathing dry ice smoke all over the hallways. A nurse told me they were doing housecleaning and, like I suspected, they were in fact frozen embryo containers.

The fertility doctor told me I needed a laparoscopy, but I decided not to have it done by him. I had, a few months earlier, begun learning the Creighton Model fertility care system through the Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha, NE (I will post much more on that later) and after meeting with an educator who teaches you all about mucus and charting (and who was sent to us by God), all of my information was sent to Dr. Hilgers in Omaha. After he reviewed it he, too, determined I needed a laparoscopy. After a VERY long wait (a year from the time I began charting), I had a laparoscopy in Omaha in August '07. Upon waking up from the surgery, I was greeted by my husband (actually, they couldn't find him for a while.. he was wearing headphones when they paged him) who told me it went great - except for the fact that the endometriosis was so bad Dr. Hilgers couldn't do anything at that time and I would have to schedule a second, much more invasive surgery. I started crying and then, after many hours, realized it wasn't the worst news I could have gotten. My uterus is okay. My tubes are okay. My ovaries are sort of okay. My left ovary is 5-times its normal size and the right one is three times bigger because of the endometriosis - but they, underneath it all, are okay.

So, to wrap up this very long story... my second surgery is scheduled for January 8. I can't remember the name of it right now but it will take four hours and I will have to stay in the hospital for like three days. Dr. Hilgers says following this surgery and hormone treatment, our chances of conceiving will be between 50-60%. It could be a lot worse.

Now you know the clinical, factual side of my infertility journey, but there is much more to it. I'm also an emotional wreck, depressed, angry, hopeless, at times left wondering how I'll live without a child (because, as I said earlier, I can be a pessimist). Then there's the whole adoption issue. So much more to come!

Now for the most important part of this blog thus far (I told you you could skim)... a link to the Pope Paul VI Institute website. If you or someone you know is dealing with infertilty and hasn't sought their help, do so now:

http://www.popepaulvi.com/