Thursday, December 13, 2007

Having hope

My first full day of having hope is going surprisingly well. I really have a new outlook. What's getting me through is that I feel confident that soon I will have one of two things:

1) a biological child, or

2) an adopted child, and peace of mind

The peace part was the missing link all along. I still have a hard time believing I will be fulfilled by adopting, so in order for me to start having hope I must trust that if God does not intend for us to have a biological child that He will give me peace with that. I used to think about the two options above (minus the peace part) and it did me no good. But simply by believing God will give me peace, I find myself having hope. Not sure if that makes sense, but it's working.

I am kind of tenative about this, though, because I go through phases quite often and today could just be a good day. I need to remember that at some point I will get depressed again. It might be tomorrow, it might be next month. If I accept that it will happen I will be able to handle it and not allow it to send me into a downward spiral.

So tonight I thank God for this grace, no matter how long it lasts. And I look forward to having a child either way!


  1. Your blog is wonderful. My wife and I were married in 2000 and also struggle with infertility. When I read your blog I can see all the same things my wife went through. A couple years ago with help from Sister Renee at the Pope Paul VI Institute we started It's amateurish, but I was hoping I could put a link to your blog from it, and if you would give us some advice on the site we'd love it. I'm looking to revamp it a little so any suggestions would be great! We'll be praying for you.

    Tate and Lottie

  2. tate -

    I've been on your site before! It was one of the first sites I found when looking for something about dealing with infertility and being Catholic - since being Catholic is a very unique way of experiencing infertility. I can't get comfort from most sites because for the people writing and reading them, IVF is an option. Please put a link to my site, that would be great! I would love to contribute to your site in any way that you may need too, through sharing my story, writing articles or whatever. Like you probably do as well, I really feel a calling to help other Catholic couples experiencing this, and to get the word out about PPVI Institute.