If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my house is pretty holy!

Do you know what that is, over there to the left?

It's a clean, clutter-free surface! (and this one in particular was courtesy of my wonderful husband. You should have seen a before shot!)

That's right, we cleaned today for the big home study home visit. We're not done yet, but we're almost there. All we have left are the floors, which we're waiting to do til the last minute.

Can I just say how nice it feels to have a clean house? Most of you probably only know that feeling, but I am not exactly the cleanest person. Well, that sounds bad. I like to think my person is clean, but my house, not so much. I used to think that the negatives of cleaning (the expenditure of time, energy, elbow grease) far outweighed the positives (living in a warm, comfortable environment that is neat, tidy and free of clutter which in turn makes your mind feel neat, tidy and free of clutter). Now I am rethinking that. I just might keep my house clean all the time. It even makes me like our house more and excited to be in it!

And did you know that when you pick up after yourself and take ten minutes to clean each day that you can actually maintain the cleaniness without much effort? What a novel concept! 

So...we're almost ready. I might actually post some more pictures on Monday to document the picture-perfect house (actually, it will still be far from perfect. I know too many couples who have gone through this to clean like a crazy person. The secret is out - I know they don't bring white gloves, people).

In other news, we had our monthly infertility support group meeting this morning and we had our biggest turn-out yet - there were six of us there. Each of us has a very different story, we've been going through it different lengths of time, but we all experience very similar emotions, heartache and hardships. It was a good meeting, and it made me realize I am blessed in so many ways - in particular, that both my family and my in-laws are so supportive. I guess I took that for granted, but some people really struggle with that. Really struggle. If you get a chance, please pray for our group. 

I am working on yet another apron tonight. This one is just a skirt-type apron, without a top. I'm starting to notice a trend here - I seem to be constantly doing projects and spending WAY less time in front of the t.v. Very unlike me. It makes me wonder if it has something to do with my medication and/or hormones and/or diet. Like, my energy level is finally back to normal, perhaps? I haven't thought about it in a while, but I am way less tired than I used to be and I almost never lay down on the couch (which I used to do for most of the day). Now, I can barely watch an hour program and I get restless. I guess this is a good sign! And also perhaps the reason why I've been cleaning more lately as well!

I'm still excited about finishing up our home study and getting on the waiting list. I haven't really thought about this much yet, but can you believe we'll probably adopt a baby next year? I mean, chances are pretty good that it will happen in 2009. That's pretty exciting, now that I think about it (and now that I'm okay with that concept). 

I just continue to pray that God will lead us in the right direction. Lord, help me to discern your will. Keep us on the right path, and if we make a wrong decision, gently guide us back on track. And we just ask that you bring us our babies by whatever means you have planned. Amen! 

Unrelated stuff I needed to post about

• Friends of ours need your prayers. I posted about them a while back. Their ordeal is not yet over, and their hope dwindled dramatically a couple days ago. Without going too much into detail, it involves an adoption and possibly losing the baby. They need a miracle at this point. PLEASE keep them in your prayers, that God's will may be done and that He may hold them close to Him if things do not go in their favor. My friend is so strong and so faithful, and I just hope that she continues to see God in all of this if the worse does happen. It just makes me so upset that someone would have to go through infertility, then have this happen. It just doesn't seem right, but my friend is convinced it is still part of God's plan for her, no matter what happens. She is an inspiration to me. Thank you for any prayers you can offer for them.




• We had our infertility support group meeting yesterday and it was great! Two women came (plus me and my friend L), and it was really a chance to minister to others going through this struggle of infertility. Speaking with them also reminded me how blessed I am that I discovered the PPVI. There are so many women out there who are treated by a local ob/gyn, RE, or fertility specialist and are not getting the care they need and deserve. Not that all these doctors are bad, but I've just heard so many stories (and experienced it myself as well) of doctors doing the wrong tests, looking for the wrong things, or not looking for anything at all. Some women give up all hope of conceiving, or move on to ARTs, when there are actually things left to try! Not to mention sometimes the underlying disease needs to be treated whether you want to have children or not. If only NaProTechnology could be more widely known. It will be one day, God willing!



• The Mets season is over. We are in mourning here.




• The Bills are 4-0! Woo hoo! (But to show how upset we are about the Mets, the Mets' loss is determining our mood more than the Bills' win)




• Right now my cat is laying on me like a baby. He has to have his arms around me whenever he is laying on me (and he is ALWAYS laying on me). Putting his head on me isn't enough, he has to hold me with his little cat arm just like a human would. This often annoys me, but then I remember how friggin cute it is! (Okay, sorry, that was not one of my pre-determined bullet points!)



• I lose another pound. I'm up to 31.6 lost, 3.4 more to go. It took me over three weeks to lose this pound, mind you.




• Tonight while praying at the abortion clinic, I met a really pretty young woman who was also praying the same shift. We got talking at the end and somehow I ended up telling her that I was infertile (I swear I don't try to do this! The questions always lead me there and I don't hide it). It turns out she was adopted and talked to me all about adoption and her awesome experience with it. I, of course, think the Holy Spirit was involved in us talking for sure. I needed to hear from an adopted child that she loves her parents as if they were biologically related.

• I finally won an ebay auction for an Infant of Prague statue. In the past month I've lost a few auctions, found out one I ordered online was out of stock, and have just had the hardest time finding a statue. Everything kept going wrong! After statues I was bidding on and watching started going for over $200 I got nervous I'd never find one, but I won one tonight for only $40. And it's just like the ones that went for much more, and in great shape as far as I can tell. He's beautiful. I can't wait to have my Infant of Prague here to pray in front of! Now when the novena refers to Him, I will have something to gaze upon. I'll have to post pictures once it arrives.

Again, thanks so much for your prayers for my friends. Have a great Monday!

A very supportive day

Well we had a very successful infertility support group meeting today. It's just so nice to be able to talk about this infertility crap with others, isn't it? I mean, I wish it was something we never needed to talk about because we were all having babies, but since this is my life for the time being, I enjoy talking about it.

I feel like I spent the whole day talking about infertility, now that I think about it. I spent tonight discussing it with two other women. I was just telling my husband that I think I currently know more people in our new city with infertility than without. Isn't that weird? We were wondering whether there are just a ton of people dealing with this or if we just keep meeting the ones who are. I think it's a little of both.

One of the women tonight also has PCOS and is having a rough time with Metformin. She is nauseous a lot, but did say it tends to happen after she eats something she's not supposed to, like carbs or sugar. Has anyone out there had any experience with this drug? Good or bad? I'm probably going to have to go on it in a couple weeks and I know this might shock you, but I HATE being nauseous. I know, I'm weird.

So for a cycle update - I am on cycle day 24, I have had dry days since my peak day seven days ago, and my temps started to go down yesterday. While it was at 98.6 just two days ago, yesterday it dropped to 98.3 and today it was at 98.0 (and I'm not trying to make excuses here, but I may have had a fever on the high temp days). I also started having a pretty sore chest yesterday and it continued today (on that subject - I'm confused..is that a good sign or a bad one? I feel like I've seen bloggers refer to both). Right now my main concern is starting my new cycle in time for my bloating to be gone by my next doctor's appointment. The scale awaits me and I need all the help I can get.

Update - This morning (Sunday) my temp was back up to 98.4. Again, not making excuses, but I did wake up earlier than normal yesterday when I took the low temp. (And, as a side note, I am not trying to prove that I am pregnant here, just that my body is acting more normally). 

A few more things...

First of all, I forgot to point out that tomorrow is our next infertility support group meeting. If you are anywhere near the Richmond, VA area, consider joining us! It's at St. Benedict's Catholic Church, 300 North Sheppard St., Richmond, at 9 a.m.

Secondly, I was going to tell you all that my new website was up and running today, but I've decided it needs a little more work before I "go public". Actually, a lot more work. Anyone familiar with iWeb? It's like a super-easy website design program, but it's still not easy enough for me.

Lastly, I am very sad to hear about the passing of Tim Russert. Since my husband and I are/were both journalists, we've always liked him, especially my husband. Just a week and a half ago, my husband had the opportunity to interview him (which happened only after talking another reporter into letting him do the interview which she was originally scheduled for). He was so excited. They had a few things in common - both from Buffalo, both huge Bills fans, both t.v. news anchors and both political junkies. Russert probably had my husband's dream job - a political journalist. Actually, my husband warned me that he might not come home from the interview because if Russert asked him to work for him at the NBC Washington Bureau, he was just going to follow him back!

Here they are together on May 31:



He was also a devout Catholic, apparently attended Mass several times a week, and was at the Vatican with his family just days before he died.

May he rest in peace.

Confused - updated

Something isn't right. I had peak-type mucus again yesterday, despite having a negative ovulation test the day before. I thought I had already ovulated. So today I decided to take an ovulation test again. And...it was positive! It wasn't even close:



So here's how it has gone:

Tues-negative
Wed-positive
Thurs-negative
Fri-didn't test
Sat-positive

Does anyone know what this might mean? I tried to google it, but it's not an easy concept to condense to a search term. I know too much LH could mean PCOS, but that doesn't explain the negative test in there (not to mention that the last time I had blood work done my LH level was normal). It appears to be surging, stopping, then surging again. I have read that it is not out of the ordinary to have up to three or four positives in a row, so maybe I just didn't pee on it long enough on Thursday. I also wonder if this has anything to do with my follicles not rupturing. I had hoped this problem would clear up after my surgery, but Dr. Hilgers did say he thought the two things were unrelated. I really would love some answers on all of this, but I guess this is another opportunity to practice patience. I'll have answers at some point.

As for our first support group meeting this morning, no one showed! It was just the three of us, but that was fine. We went out to breakfast and had a great time.

Update - Fertilized's comment reminded me that I also had that thought initially, that the darker pink line isn't even a solid line. Maybe the test is screwed up, because isn't the line to the right supposed to be fairly dark all the time? I've never seen it so light before. If anyone has any expertise in this area, please let me know!
(Sorry, that wasn't much of a big "update." More of a "I'm really bored and looking far too much into this" type of thing.)

Support group, adoption and Sophie

Tomorrow morning is our first infertility support group meeting, so if you would, please pray for us. Although I have no doubt that this group will be a great success one day, I am not under any illusions that we're going to get a big group of like-minded women wanting to support each other through infertility woes tomorrow. We may not get anyone to show up, since that's always a risk when starting a new group at any parish. But that's fine. It's always good to start slowly.

I can't believe how thoroughly exhausted I still am from this medication! The best way to describe it is that I feel like I pulled an all-nighter, but that feeling never goes away. I really don't care, as long as it works, but I'm just saying.

I'm starting to feel more called to adoption (again). It scares me though, because there's this horrible habit I have of telling myself that if I start feeling like God wants us to adopt that He doesn't intend for me to get pregnant. I know that's delusional. I read this post from a blog I found through Jen from et-tu's other links blog. It instantly made me realize that there are children out there who are waiting just like we are waiting. Just like I am left waiting indefinitely - wondering if God will give me the answer to my prayer that I hope for - a child somewhere out there is waiting as well, wondering if God will answer their prayers and give them a family. They are waiting just like us, so why not end my suffering and the suffering of the child at the same time? This feeling lasted a couple minutes before I soon realized if I do adopt, I really want to adopt an infant, at least at first. It is the older children who are the ones waiting and wondering. Not to mention I remembered the cost of international adoption and other silly things, like I wouldn't want to fly to Ethiopia (I'm scared of flying) and I'd feel bad if my husband went alone (we have looked into Ethiopia adoption before). We'll see. I'll continue to pray to God will put this on my heart if it is what He wants of me.

I will leave you with a story and picture. The other day when we were unpacking, I found an Old Navy golf shirt that belonged to my sister's dog (my dog's biological brother) and I put it on Sophie. She looked sooooo cute. But later that day I looked at her and it was around her waist. This didn't surprise me, but then when I looked closer, I realized she had somehow managed to get her two back legs into the arm holes and the shirt had become pants! So here she is:

Isn't she precious?