Monday, March 2, 2009

Cycle day one

I started my period this morning, suddenly, which has never happened before. I guess it's just another big thing that is different about this cycle. I've never not had some spotting, even just the day of. There's usually some warning, you know?

I'm still trying to get a blood draw, but now I'm wondering, is that silly? Could there have been a very early miscarriage if I got a faint positive on Saturday morning and then started a new cycle on Monday? I don't know. I've read that a cyst can cause a false positive test, so I guess we still need to look into this.

The reason I said I'm trying to get a blood draw is because of this stupid snow. It's not that I hate snow, but I hate that everything has to shut down. Being a northerner, I'm just so not used to that. And the roads aren't plowed? What? That's a shot of our street. And we don't live far out in the country, mind you.

My doctor's office is going to open, but not for another half hour. And meanwhile, while my normal lab is closed, one at the hospital that I can go to is open, but is going to close early. (Update-my doctor's office is now open and I just left a message)

So, while I wait, here are the stats for my last cycle:

-32 days long
- 15 day luteal phase
- progesterone p+7 - 44.27, p+9 - 17.96, p+11 - 19.76
- peak day - day 17
- 10 days of mucus pre-peak
- 10KLx2 on peak day
- no spotting at all at end of cycle, not even on day one of new cycle

This is definitely the most text-book cycle I've ever had.

In comparison, here's my stats from the previous cycle (my only other Tamoxifen cycle):

- 29 days long
- 11 day luteal phase (but that's based on my gut feeling - if I were to go by my last peak day, it would have been 9 days)
- progesterone p+7 - 8.21
- peak day - day 18? (it wasn't clear-cut)
- 13 days of mucus pre-peak
- spotting following a dry day at the end of my period (day 7) and to begin my next cycle

So much has improved! I have a lot to be thankful for.

One thing I've realized the past few days is this - I only want to follow God. I don't want anything that isn't part of God's plan, so even if this didn't go exactly like I would have wanted it to, that doesn't matter because I wouldn't have wanted it if it were outside of God's plan. No matter what happens, I'd rather be following God's path than my own because knowing that I am giving it all over to him brings me immense comfort and peace. He is in control and his way is always better.

Yesterday at Mass, I told the Lord that I would do this every cycle if he wanted me to. I would go through the uncertainty, the emotional turmoil. I'd go through the humiliation of thinking I might be pregnant only to find out I never was. I told him I would do it and I meant it. I really feel lately, for the first time ever, that I have given control over to him completely and I feel better than ever.

12 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry. You sound like you have amazing perspective for getting such tough news today. I would get the blood draw just to get more information. It sounds like you could have had a very early miscarriage. Big prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i hope that you can get the bloodwork done today. i think that it will answer a lot of questions that you have.

    as for the snow, it really doesn't look like that much, but i'm canadian! i heard in the news this morning that you guys were getting more snow. we have hardly any left, but it's -25C with the windchill! eek! we had a lot more school closures last year 'cos of the crazy snow storms we had. we've only had one day where the buses were cancelled, although i could use a couple more days like that to catch up on work!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love your attitude and I am amazed at how God is leading your heart. I am trying to embrace this cross well and not look for rewards except knowing that I will grow even more in love with my heavenly father. I am praying for you and I hope you can get to the doctors office to news of why your cycle and previous bloodwork means. You are in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  4. All I can say is WOW. Seriously you are so strong. Yet again, you inspire me to continue to surrender it all to the Lord. You must be filled with so many graces right now... thank you for sharing your heart with us all!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Great attitude!

    I would do everything you can to get the blood drawn and while they are drawing blood miswell get them to draw your blood for the blood clotting disorder. If you have to track out in that snow, it has to be worth it!

    I do NOT believe for one SECOND that you were not NOT pregnant. I believe you were and I believe this is helping piece together what is about to come. ;)

    Praying for you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm sorry about your news but at least it does sound like you had a normal cycle. I well remember months like those... A prayer going up for you...God bless..

    ReplyDelete
  7. TCIE-says she is SO SORRY!

    ReplyDelete
  8. K, your faith is ever-inspiring. I prayed for you last night and thought of you all day.
    You are such a dear. Hang in there.

    I continue to think of you, even in this very moment:)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I might really be reaching here, in fact I feel awkward delurking for the first time to post this comment, but I just wonder: did your bbt drop this morning, too? I ask because you say this period started suddenly, which is different for you, and it sounds to me (considering the hpt you took over the weekend) that maybe this could be implantation bleeding! In which case, I would strongly encourage you to have your blood drawn! Regardless of the outcome this time, I need to just say that I find your complete faith and hope so very encouraging. You are such a beautiful model of the "good and faithful servant" we should all strive to be! You are in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I typed out a long response and it wouldn't post!!

    Briefly, I want to say I am sending you big hugs today, because I know the feeling all-too-well of a positive test one moment, and the dream being ripped away the next.

    Don't forget that feeling you had in that moment, though. It will be that feeling that sustains you the rest of this journey (which I'm praying is NOT very long. In fact, I think your hpt was a sign of very good news in your near future.)

    ReplyDelete
  11. You are so strong. I wonder what happened? I agree with Sew-ask about the clotting stuff and maybe some testing for immune factors as well. Check out Alan Beer's site. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. K, I love your faith and your wonderful outlook! I believe that you and hubby will be blessed with a baby soon!

    By the way, today hubby and I had a consult with a new surgeon who is an endo expert. He agreed to do my second surgery. When I gave him my first surgery report, he shook his head and said the same thing that my napro doctor did: that the first surgeon didn't do a great job and all he did was drain the cysts! He reassured me that he would remove all the remaining cysts, endo, and adhesians.

    He also said that even though the first surgeon couldn't do the surgery through my belly, he thought he can. He said he never had to do an open surgery on an endo patient. He told me I would only need two weeks out of work this time.

    This guy seems to know and understand how to deal with endo. He wants to give hubby and I the best chance of being able to conceive. They will be calling within the next few days to give me a surgery date.

    Finally! I'm going to be rid of this pain AND I might even be able to conceive a child eventually too!
    I feel very hopeful!

    When you get a chance, I'd LOVE to hear more about Immaculee, her book, and the 7 sorrows rosary. How do you pray that? Have you ever ordered anything off immaculee.com? How long did your order take to arrive??

    You are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend!

    May I please ask for prayers too? I am a little nervous (but hopeful) about my second upcoming surgery.

    May God Bless you.

    Love,
    Maria

    ReplyDelete