Happy birthday to my blog

Believe it or not, it's been exactly one year since my first post.

The birth of this blog can be traced back to one simple reason - I wanted to leave a comment on Andnotbysight's blog - which I had probably found by googling PPVI and laparotomy, I'm sure - and needed a username to do so. Instead of just creating a blogless account, I went all the way and started my own.

How green I was in that first post - I actually apologized for its length! Little did I know that I would soon throw caution and creativity to the wind and write long-winded posts nearly every day.

So I threw my story up there and had no idea what would come of it.

I knew I was hooked when Lifehopes left me my first, second and fourth comments! My first blogging friend. I still look forward to her comments, and all of yours. There's nothing like having a bad day then logging on to see all of the love you've left me.

So on the occasion of my blog's first birthday, I am actually going to do something I've never done before - turn over the reigns to someone else - my husband. I've always wanted him to write a guest post and today seems like a special occasion, so it's as good a time as any. And although I often serve as his grammatical editor, I am giving him my username and password, and this post will go up unedited, uncut and unread by me (just a little disclaimer in case he decides to swear, say something off color, or put commas in the wrong place, all of which he has been known to do).

So without further ado, I give you my husband:

Thanks very much sweetie..

Quite frankly, I am a little intimidated. As many of you are very aware, my wife (among other things), is an exceptionally talented writer. It will be difficult to meet her high standards and do so without swear words, off color references and grammatical mistakes, but I will do my best.

I think what is most interesting about this blog and the role it has played in our lives (and make no mistake it plays a very important role) is that prior to her decision to dive head first into this endeavor, Karey used to regularly poke fun at blogs. Now, the blogs she made fun of were blogs that I consumed, and still do on a regular basis. They are mainly political blogs with arcane and in depth analysis of random congressional races in different parts of the country that had no impact on us. She often used to pick on me when I had my laptop fired up, the Mets game in my ear and a TV show on, all at the same time. She could not believe that I could pay attention to all those different things at once, and engage her in a conversation.

My how the tables have turned.

But there is a big difference between my consumption of blogs, that do nothing but to feed my need for useless political knowledge, and this blog. This blog, and its interaction with all of you has helped us in ways we may never be able to measure.

One of the aspects of this forum that I find so remarkable is Karey's ability to be so incredibly candid about her infertility struggle. Most of you only know her from this blog and might be surprised to hear that she rarely, if ever, lets people in to see the things that hurt her and bring her down. In fact for the first 3+ years of this struggle, she only had me to release the burdens of this horrible situation on, and I don't mind telling you that I sucked at absorbing it.

I sucked really bad. (does sucked count as an off color reference?)

One of the things that I have learned about infertility is that A- It impacts woman in a completely different way than it does men and B- No one can truly understand the struggle unless they are going through it themselves. I am sure there are many of you who are at that point right now. You are desperate, on the verge of despair and the only people you have to talk to about it are a husband that cares, but can't truly understand and a girlfriend, mother, sister, etc. who loves you dearly but has no problem conceiving or hasn't started to try.

They listen, the want to help, but in all honesty THEY JUST DON'T GET IT!

That is where we were December 7, 2007. Karey had yet to have her second surgery, we were just really starting to understand the depths of her problem from a physical perspective and no matter what we tried, there was nothing we could do to alleviate the emotional pressure caused by infertility.

That is when she said to me "What do you think about me starting a blog?". Honestly, I wanted to say "A blog! ha! I am not a freak, it is a cool thing to do, I told you so!!" But, that probably wouldn't have been the right tactic. I think I simply told her "It can't hurt."

That was a year ago. A year, does not seem nearly long enough. Each one of you that has taken the time to read, to post and to share your stories have become part of our lives. You have strengthened our family imeasurably. This blog has become an emotional outlet for Karey that has given us the stability that we needed to use all of our energy into getting her healthy so we can have a baby.

And I promise you- we will have a baby!!

Truly, this is what Al Gore must've envisioned when he invented the Internet. (that was a bad joke)

So I guess I want to say thank you. Thank you for helping the person I love the most in ways that I never could. I have learned a lot about marriage in the past four years and I think the most important thing I have learned is that we as a couple and as a family cannot succeed on our own. We need help. We need people who understand what we are going through. We needed YOU!

I wish that I could do everything for Karey, and believe me I am trying to get better everyday. I think I had to learn that in some cases, it is not a bad thing to ask for help. It was probably the one thing I prayed for the most (aside from the obvious) in the time leading up to the blog, and boy did God deliver.

So thank you for being an answer to prayer. I hope that Karey's contribution to you can return even a tenth of what you have given us.

Finally, let me close with a word about my wife. She is unequivocally the most wonderful person I know. She is strong where I am weak and smart where I am dumb. She has made me a better person and I love her more each and every day. And her cooking tastes as good as the pictures make it look!

She often apologizes to me because she hasn't been able to get pregnant. (Imagine that, all she is going through and she apologizes to ME!). Well, she has nothing to be sorry for. She has given me more than I could have ever asked for. I truly believe our marriage is a fantasy, and for that I am eternally thankful.

I am sorry for the length of this post and my rambling ways. (Perhaps that is why my blog only gets about 60 views a day and this one gets hundreds.) It has been a special honor.

Thank you all once again and God Bless you!

(a side note- I am VERY proud of myself that I got through this without openly weeping in front of all my co-workers!)