Another day

Well, sometimes you just need to vent. In the end, though, it doesn't help much, does it? I mean, it might make you temporarily feel better but it doesn't increase our chances of getting pregnant, that's for sure. I feel bad today for yesterday's negativity. I wish I was stronger, but I'm not.

I will live. I will have to work harder to accept God's plan for my life, a plan that has so far been drastically different than my own. If I can do my best here on earth, I will receive my reward in Heaven, I suppose.

What I need to focus on is that I may have biological children right now if I had rejected my Church's teaching and had undergone certain treatments. That may sound odd - why should I focus on that? Well, that empowers me. I am proud to be a member of a Church that recognizes the value of every human life, as well as the importance of not adding a third party to the sacred nature of the marital union or substituting it altogether. By focusing on this, I see God's greater plan and I find consolation in His plan for me. I would love to one day be a witness, along with my husband, whether or not we get our "miracle." I use to plead with God, "It'd be a much better witness if my story ends with a pregnancy!" but now I can see it being a strong witness either way: 1) We followed Church teaching and ended up with a pregnancy through approved treatments or, 2) We followed Church teaching and never got pregnant; instead of making the choice of instant gratification and a baby at all costs, we chose to follow the beautiful teachings our Church has so thoughtfully laid out for us and actually found joy through that decision. When I think about doing this for God and that my suffering is for Him, I feel better. It gives my suffering value.

It's not easy being a Catholic and going through infertility. So many of you know that, I know! I find joy in your stories as well, every time I read your comments and posts it is so evident you love the Lord so much and how you obey the beautiful teachings of the Church is so wonderful. You inspire me each and every day.

Also, thank you for all your kind comments and prayers. You all have helped me in ways you will never know.

I also want to post some of the things I am thankful for today, instead of my complaints like yesterday, so here goes:

I am thankful for...

• my husband
• my family
• my animals
• my home
• my friends
• my health
• my family's health
• the Eucharist
• my doctor
• NaPro doctors and all Catholic doctors
• living in a day and age when we have treatment options in line with Church teaching
• being able to stay home and work on my movies
• my weight loss

There is so much more, of course, but I will leave it at that for now.