Some fun, new developments to report this cycle. Let's start with the intense pressure on my bladder tonight. It feels like I haven't gone in forever or, for those who have been through surgery, like I have a catheter (although I will take this moment to thank God that I am not currently connected to machines and can freely walk to the bathroom whenever I wish). I'm on day 13 and I've had three days of peak-type mucus so far, so I'm thinking the pain could have something to do with ovulation (but probably not in a good way). A cyst somehow putting pressure on my bladder perhaps (and should my ovaries be near my bladder?)? Who knows. This sensation is not entirely unfamiliar since I had it basically all of last year, but when I was told I had endometriosis on my bladder I figured that was the cause. It may well have been, since it subsided following my surgery. But tonight it's back. Could it mean the endo has returned? I sincerely hope not and won't ever discuss that bad, bad thought again. Anyone ever have this type of pain?
I'm also on my second day of brown mucus (I tried to think of another way to say "brown mucus" in case people happen upon this blog for reasons unrelated to infertility [something that is likely to happen based on identifying things I've posted lately], because what is normal to us is kinda tmi for others.. but I drew a blank). It's the third day in a row I've seen it. So, of course, I googled it (and at first it appeared to have something to do with smoking, a habit of which I don't partake, but that turned out to be mucus from the wrong orifice, thankfully) and learned from some very prestigious internet doctors that it's nothing to worry about. In fact, the internet says it could be due to a ruptured follicle (I've never seen brown mucus before and I've never ovulated.. if I use a whacked-out rational I could come to the conclusion that maybe this means I am ovulating this month). Most likely, though, it's just old blood that my body is expelling. I've read on other blogs that some people are prescribed antibiotics for this, so that could be in my future.
Today also brought with it some weird thoughts creeping into my head, telling me people with my type of infertility (several issues, never once achieved pregnancy) don't ever end up pregnant. It was like some mean person was whispering it in my ear (seriously, I'm not crazy). Anyway, these thoughts persisted and I kept coming up with very scientific "proof" to back it up. Usually blogs I read from pregnant infertiles have had past miscarriages. Usually they got pregnant a month after their surgery. Usually they used fertility procedures that are not an option for me. And that leaves absolutely nobody in the history of the world who has gotten pregnant in a situation like mine (I told you this was a very scientific process). I don't mean to be negative, and overall I'm really not in that type of state lately, but the temptation to wallow in barren saddness is always there. I am doing a pretty good job of fighting it, though, if I do say so myself. So feel free to share some success stories with me (despite evidence to the contrary, I do know they exist, and that even includes some of my very own favorite bloggers).