Monday, June 2, 2008

New issues

Some fun, new developments to report this cycle. Let's start with the intense pressure on my bladder tonight. It feels like I haven't gone in forever or, for those who have been through surgery, like I have a catheter (although I will take this moment to thank God that I am not currently connected to machines and can freely walk to the bathroom whenever I wish). I'm on day 13 and I've had three days of peak-type mucus so far, so I'm thinking the pain could have something to do with ovulation (but probably not in a good way). A cyst somehow putting pressure on my bladder perhaps (and should my ovaries be near my bladder?)? Who knows. This sensation is not entirely unfamiliar since I had it basically all of last year, but when I was told I had endometriosis on my bladder I figured that was the cause. It may well have been, since it subsided following my surgery. But tonight it's back. Could it mean the endo has returned? I sincerely hope not and won't ever discuss that bad, bad thought again. Anyone ever have this type of pain?

I'm also on my second day of brown mucus (I tried to think of another way to say "brown mucus" in case people happen upon this blog for reasons unrelated to infertility [something that is likely to happen based on identifying things I've posted lately], because what is normal to us is kinda tmi for others.. but I drew a blank). It's the third day in a row I've seen it. So, of course, I googled it (and at first it appeared to have something to do with smoking, a habit of which I don't partake, but that turned out to be mucus from the wrong orifice, thankfully) and learned from some very prestigious internet doctors that it's nothing to worry about. In fact, the internet says it could be due to a ruptured follicle (I've never seen brown mucus before and I've never ovulated.. if I use a whacked-out rational I could come to the conclusion that maybe this means I am ovulating this month). Most likely, though, it's just old blood that my body is expelling. I've read on other blogs that some people are prescribed antibiotics for this, so that could be in my future.

Today also brought with it some weird thoughts creeping into my head, telling me people with my type of infertility (several issues, never once achieved pregnancy) don't ever end up pregnant. It was like some mean person was whispering it in my ear (seriously, I'm not crazy). Anyway, these thoughts persisted and I kept coming up with very scientific "proof" to back it up. Usually blogs I read from pregnant infertiles have had past miscarriages. Usually they got pregnant a month after their surgery. Usually they used fertility procedures that are not an option for me. And that leaves absolutely nobody in the history of the world who has gotten pregnant in a situation like mine (I told you this was a very scientific process). I don't mean to be negative, and overall I'm really not in that type of state lately, but the temptation to wallow in barren saddness is always there. I am doing a pretty good job of fighting it, though, if I do say so myself. So feel free to share some success stories with me (despite evidence to the contrary, I do know they exist, and that even includes some of my very own favorite bloggers).

5 comments:

  1. Yes I do experience some crampy pressure pressing down around ovulation window. In fact, it just passed , and I should be ovulating today or tomorrow.

    And you are not alone, my blogger friend.

    We started TTC since Jan 06 and been charting since Jul 06. Nope -not even BFP once. Can you imagine this - I am actually hoping that I could have m/c before???? At least that means I can get pregnant.

    Well, it will happen, it will happen.

    ReplyDelete
  2. For the record: I had a laparoscopy about 9 months before my bfp that stuck (6 months before my first bfp and m/c). I ALWAYS had brown bleeding mixed with mucus, both at the end of my menses and around ovulation. For me, they thought it was old blood and associated with my wacky hormones.

    I still think that the devil is at the root of your anxious negative thoughts. In addition to your "scientific" evidence, I recommend praying to St. Michael during those times. Just kick the devil out of your thoughts so you can think with YOUR will, not his.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Awww :( You've just depressed me. But wanttobemom has a very good point, there. I remember thinking that my 1st cycle after surgery would HAVE to be the one I'd get pg during, otherwise I'd never get pg. BUT, here are 2 additional pieces of evidence for you: My Creighton Model Supervisor's client had never been pg, had lots of our same issues, and got pg on the FOURTH cycle after surgery. Then, a fellow practitioner's client had all but given up after not achieving right after her surgery (same scenario as us, again)... and achieved on the 9th cycle post-surgery :)

    Keep that head up, sweetie. Another thing is, have you really not ovulated at all since the surgery?? I didn't realize that. Will your Dr be putting you on Clomid or Letrozole to help with that? Definately ask about it, because you can't win the game if you're sitting the bench the entire time (not Oing. Like my analogy there? Lol!)

    Oh, and finally... here's the NaPro Technology "creed" for infertility: Finding, Fixing, Counting. They find the cause of infertility, they fix it, and then they "count" after everything has been fixed. They say after 12 successful cycles (strong O, good mucus) after surgery, there's not much more they can do to help matters. Dr. Boyle in Ireland gives it 18 cycles :) So you have quite some time yet, little lady, especially if you aren't yet Oing.

    Sorry so long! I hope you're feeling a bit better.

    ReplyDelete
  4. one of my doctors tried to tell me that it was just spotting that happens around ovulation (which could be true, but i still think that it was because of my progesterone levels). my napro doc mentioned some sort of bacterial infection (i'm going to see her on friday to get the results of my pap smear that i had done when i saw her last month) and i'm assuming that she's going to put me on antibiotics.

    regardless, my napro doc is definitely helping me (and hopefully, will help us) get pregnant. don't despair, everything will work out.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ha, I should be apologizing for the long comment :) And you didn't really depress me (well, not for too long, anyway, lol!) so no worries there.

    As for the PCOS, I have/had a pretty nasty case. Luckily, not too many of the "outward" symptoms such as excess hair growth and obesity, but I did have lots of crazy acne breakouts. Anyway, my ovaries were basically covered with cysts... I don't know how long I didn't O, either, before the Clomid last year. I suspect I O'd regularly at first, since my periods were always really regular for the first 4 years or so. At least... I hope I O'd once or twice before medication!

    But Clomid worked wonders for me, even the smallest dose. There were some side effects, but it was just so nice to finally be in the game (I swear, whoever invented baseball must have been infertile, it works so well for analogies).
    I hear Letrozole (Femara) has less s/es, and I'll be going on that next cycle.
    I have a lot of faith that meds will definately get you popping some eggies out :) And then down the line (after your 1st child, since I know you'll get pg as soon as you start to O), if you decide to get an ovarian wedge resection, that will boost your ability to O without meds.

    Sorry for the long post again! Keep us updated on things.

    ReplyDelete