A project, an update, and a cool offer

I know, nice title. In case you couldn't guess, it's kind of a hodge podge today, so here goes...

I've been working on an apron for a while now. Actually, I've been walking by the fabric that I had laid out on our guest bed for nearly a month, deciding which combination to use. I'm not exactly a good decision maker. Making the apron was actually the easy part and I'm happy with the result:

I sort of modeled it after one I saw at Anthropologie, my favorite store I can't shop at. I wish it was mine, but it's actually going in a box and being shipped to NY for my mother tomorrow. It's for her birthday, for which I am now only two months and one week over due. 

Oh, and there's our black kitty, Jasper, on the table in the picture. She's also rubbing her head on my face and walking across my hands as I type this, so she must know I'm talking about her.

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So I've been feeling pretty well lately, and it must be hormone related because I never feel well for no good reason. Is that even possible? I'll take it though. I'm on cycle day 13, and today is my fourth day of mucus. So far, so good.

When I say I've been feeling good, I mean emotionally. Physically, I've been having pain on both sides, where I imagine my ovaries to be. Not bad, but it's there. Ovulation should be coming soon, so I'm hoping that's what it's all about.

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Lately I've been spending some time helping my sister look for bridesmaids dresses, online for now since she lives in CA (oh, and did I mention they've moved the wedding up to this July?). In my searching, I came across this (WAIT! Before clicking on the link, you need these instructions: scroll all the way down, look at the middle row and count seven up from the bottom. You can also click on the picture to make it larger).

Yes, that is yours truly and my beautiful wedding party (well, mostly-beautiful wedding party...just kidding). I forgot that I sent it in, and didn't think it'd be up there four years later! Anyways, I got a kick out of finding it. 

So do any of you have little-known-but-awesome bridesmaids dress designers you want to share with me? Something off the beaten path, not found in every single bridal shop? Not that our dresses can't be your average type, but those I don't need your help with. 

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Now for the cool offer...

I've mentioned St. Gianna on here before, and if you've ever checked out Shannon's blog then I'm sure you've heard of her as well. If you live anywhere near the shrine in Warminster, PA, and have ever thought about visiting, I highly recommend it. It's a small shrine, but so very powerful, and they have relics of hers - pairs of gloves that she wore. You can hold the gloves and even touch them to your stomach (or, should I say, in the vicinity of your womb, but you know what I mean). 

If you'd like to read more about her life and her path to sainthood, click here (and once there, check out the sub-menu on the left. There's a ton of information there). 

Even though St. Gianna isn't officially considered a patron saint of infertility, I feel like infertile women are drawn to her and have kind of taken her on as their own. And while St. Gianna didn't experience infertility in the way that I do, she did miscarry twice. She's also a great pro-life saint, since she made the extremely difficult choice of losing her own life in order to save the life of the child in her womb. Is there a better example of laying down your life for another? 

And if you can't make it to the shrine, Angela, who is on the shrine committee and is a sweetheart, has offered to send blessed prayer cards and medals - that been have touched St. Gianna's relic gloves - to anyone who would like them. If you're interested, you can email her at teacher527@hotmail.com. 

Isn't that so nice of her? Thanks, Angela!

If it can make it there, it'll make it anywhere...

I can't thank you all enough for the very sweet comments you left after my last post. I am humbled, because I hardly practice what I preach, although you have all inspired me to definitely give it a try. And recognizing the problem is the first step, you know? I think debunking those myths is really about letting ourselves off the hook. It is truly all up to God.

Well, in other news, I have an exciting announcement (not that announcement!): New York City is getting a NaPro center! It's actually that and much, much more. The JPII Center for Women will open an authentically Catholic, comprehensive women's healthcare center in Manhattan in July 2009, featuring NaProTechnology. I am so excited about this because one of the two women driving this entire project is my very own Creighton practitioner. I am so proud of her! She has enlisted the services of a wonderful doctor (who I recently had the opportunity to speak with and look forward to meeting in person soon) and the two have teamed up to make this dream a reality. You can check out their blog here.

It is hard to believe that this will be the first NaPro center in Manhattan. With millions of people and so many Catholics in that city, it is about time there is an option that respects the dignity of life. And, as we all know, NaPro is a great option even for those who aren't aware of the Church's teachings and who may not value life in the same way. In the end, NaPro has a greater success rate than assisted reproductive technologies (and, not to mention, it treats the actual disease, rather than just applying a band-aid) and people in that city should have it as an option. As the doctor behind this project told me, it will only be a matter of time before NaPro sweeps the nation and people start seeing what a successful alternative it truly is. It's so exciting!

I'll be doing my part when it comes to video production for the center, along with my husband, so I'm sure I'll post more about it once we start working on things. It's funny because I have always said I wanted to help promote NaPro in some way, but I had always secretly hoped it would not involve teaching the intricacies of fertile mucus. Who knew God was listening to me even then?!

If you could all keep this center in your prayers, those involved would truly appreciate it. Perhaps you could pray especially to St. Gianna, since the center will be named for her (the JPII Center for Women is the name it is incorporated under, but Gianna will be the name of the actual center. Actually, John Paul II is probably another great person to pray to for this as well! What wonderful helpers the center will have in Heaven!).

So go ahead and check out the blog and help spread the word. And, of course, if you are independently wealthy and would like to donate large sums of money, I'm sure they won't turn you away!

My American Idol post

Maybe it was hormones, maybe it was the confetti, maybe it was the fact that producers lied about the "biggest star in the world" making an appearance (sorry, George Michael), but the American Idol finale left me in tears. I was a Jason Castro supporter until he was kicked off (and yes, very happy he reprised 'Hallelujah', but was I the only one waiting for some big name to come out and duet with him? Ray LaMontagne, or Damien Rice, perhaps? Missed opportunity, Fox. And speaking of Jason, did you catch him getting a bit too close to the pyro at the end of the first number? Be careful with the dreads!). After Jason left, I became a David Cook fan. Yes, Archuleta was great too, but I just wish he wasn't so "adult contemporary" at the ripe age of 17. I just think David Cook is so nice, and how sad is it that his brother has brain cancer? All I keep thinking is how hard it must be for that family, especially for their mom. One of her sons is on the top of the world, while the other is possibly dying. So, anyways, that explains my tears I guess.

Okay, so AI is out of the way and Fox's very best reality talent competition can now begin - So You Think You Can Dance! That's right. I love it. If you've never watched, give it a try. You won't be disappointed. Unless you hate dancing.

Back to infertility now.. I came across a great blog tonight that maybe you all already know about, but it's new to me. It's called The Apostolate of Hannah's Tears. It's a Catholic infertility/adoption blog and offers links to several great resources. One part I found especially interesting was a list of patron saints of childless couples. Since I happen to get a lot of visitors who find my site after googling "patron saint of infertility," I thought I'd post the list: St. Anne Line, St. Catherine of Genoa, St. Colette, St. Gummarus, St. Henry II, St. Julian the Hospitaller, St. Agnes of Rome, St. Gianna Beretta Molla, St. Nicolas of Myra, and Sts. Perpetua and Felicity.

And now I just realized that when people land on my site in the future via a "patron saint of infertility" search, they'll forever be forced to first read my American Idol review, wondering what this blog has to do with infertility. Well, if you made it this far, just consider it an extra treat.

Three shrines in one day

We had a great trip to the shrines of St. Gianna and Padre Pio. And, at the last minute, my friend remembered that there is a little shrine to St. Therese in a parish near her parents' home that contains a relic (we think it was a bone) of St. Therese. I love St. Therese so I was glad to make a stop there as well. After her shrine, we visited Padre Pio's and, in what would be quite a contrast to St. Gianna's shrine, it's a huge complex on a big plot of land. The buildings are just beautiful. When you first walk in, there's a chapel that is a replica of Padre Pio's Our Lady of Grace Church in San Giovanni Rotondo, Italy.



The chapel contains an actual confessional used by Padre Pio in San Giovanni. Visitors write intentions on pieces of paper, attach them to rosaries, and then hang the rosaries on the fence that surrounds the confessional. We, of course, left rosaries with our intentions. There's also a relic behind glass in the confessional - one of the brown gloves worn by Padre Pio.



We then made our way to St. Gianna's shrine, which is over an hour from Padre Pio's. Last summer when I visited her shrine, I met a woman who had also experienced infertility and who now is a shrine volunteer and board member. After praying to St. Gianna and venerating her gloves, she conceived and now has two children. I emailed her the other day to see if we could visit the shrine when it is usually closed. She was so kind to agree to meet us there. So on that day, we ended up being forty minutes late and we felt terrible. But when we got there, she didn't seem to mind at all! She was just so sweet. We had a wonderful experience at the shrine, and despite that fact that it is so small and unassuming, it is pretty powerful. We were able to hold onto a pair of St. Gianna's black leather gloves and pray with them. We might have felt a little silly at first, but we even held them to our stomachs when we prayed (my friend is also dealing with infertility). I know she heard us.

The volunteer told us that the shrine actually has three pairs of St. Gianna's gloves and there's a retired married couple who travels around the country, visiting parishes with the gloves and giving presentations on St. Gianna.

Here's a picture of the shrine. It's a simple statue in the back of a parish church. The case that contains her gloves is right in front of her feet:



So it was a great trip and I'm so glad we went. And, I'm happy to report, the peaceful feeling that started a couple weeks ago has not lessened, and for that I am very grateful. I just really trust God right now and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

In other news, it is day six of my diet. I know this diet is supposed to make you feel better and more energetic, but I'm not there yet. Right now I'm still feeling lightheaded and tired. The problem is I'm not sure which symptoms are due to the diet and which are due to the T3 I'm taking. I think one of my problems is that I'm not eating enough. You're supposed to eat three meals and three snacks a day, and I maybe eat two meals and one snack, if that. I'm hungry all the time, but I have such a hard time finding things I like that sometimes I just don't eat. Not to mention that for six hours a day, I can't eat (two hours before and one hour after my medication, twice a day). One thing is for sure, though - I am not complaining about any of this because it is all potentially helping me inch closer to a pregnancy. And, as we all know, I will do anything that it takes (well, anything that the Church has deemed licit, of course!). And I am starting to feel a tiny bit thinner. Yay!

Road trip

A friend and I are taking a little trip to the Philadelphia area to visit both the Padre Pio shrine and St. Gianna shrine. I'm leaving this evening and will be back tomorrow. I can't wait!

My diet is going very well (day three! woo hoo!). I'm super motivated and am still on that new diet high. So far I haven't wanted anything I can't have. I've actually enjoyed eating fruit and was even craving some last night! I made low-carb pasta with chicken and lots of vegetables for dinner yesterday and I have all our meals mapped out through next week. I've also been thoroughly satisfied by my no-sugar-added ice cream.

PPVI increased my dose of T3 yesterday. So far I've had an annoying headache every day and my stomach has been upset, but I don't think a stomach ache is on the list of possible side effects. I've also felt just kind of out of it since I started taking it. Maybe it's in my head.

I will pray for all of you at the shrines!

Novena begins, and thoughts on Papal visit

Today begins the novena leading up to the feast day of St. Gianna Beretta Molla. This is a great opportunity to ask for God's healing - spiritually, emotionally and physically - and for the assistance of St. Gianna. When I sent in my prayer intentions to the St. Gianna Society for this novena, I prayed for my husband and myself, as well as all those suffering with infertility, so you are all in my prayers. Please consider starting this novena today, and may St. Gianna intercede on behalf of all those suffering with infertility. Here is the prayer:

Novena
To Obtain Graces Through Saint Gianna Beretta

God, our Father, You have granted to Your church the gift of Gianna Beretta Molla. In her youth she lovingly sought You and drew other young people to You, involving them, through apostolic witness and Catholic Action, in the care of the sick and aged, to help and comfort them.We thank You for the gift of this young woman, so deeply committed to You. Through her example grant us the grace to consecrate our lives to Your service, for the joy of our brothers and sisters.

Glory be …

Jesus, Redeemer of mankind, You called Saint Gianna to exercise the medical profession as a mission for the comfort of bodies and souls. In her suffering fellow men and in the little ones, deprived of all support, she saw You. We thank You for having revealed Yourself to this servant as “one who serves” and who soothes the sufferings of men. Treasuring her example may we become generous Christians at the service of our brothers and sisters, especially those with whom You deign to share Your Cross.

Glory be…

God, Sanctifying Spirit, who love the Church as Your Bride, You poured into the heart of Saint Gianna a share of Your Love so that she could radiate it in her family, and thus cooperate with You in the wonderful plan of creation, and give life to new children who could know and love You. We thank You for this model wife and, through her encouraging witness, we beg You to grant to our families the serene and Christian presence of mothers committed to transform their homes into cenacles of faith and love, rich with generous activity and sanctifying service.

Glory be…

O God, Creator and lover of mankind, You were close to Saint Gianna when, affected by illness, she was in the painful dilemma of choosing between her own life and the life of the child whom she was carrying in herself, a gift long-awaited. Trusting You alone, and aware of Your Commandment to respect human life, Gianna found the courage to do her duty as a mother and to say “yes” to the new life of her baby, generously sacrificing her own. Through the intercession of Mary, Mother of Jesus, and after the example of Gianna, inspire all mothers to welcome with love the sparkle of new life. Grant us the grace we are praying for …………. and the joy to find an inspiration in Saint Gianna who, as a model spouse and mother, after the example of Christ, gave up her life for the life of others.

Hail Mary…

On another note, how wonderful was the Pope's visit this week?! I am so excited with the positive news coverage it all has received. For the most part, the Church has been portrayed in a positive light and there seems to be immense excitement surrounding Catholicism because of his visit. Watching his Mass today did help to lift my spirits on a day when I was beginning to despair. I was saddened to read, though, that pro-choice politicians did not heed Pope Benedict's own teaching and refrain from receiving the Eucharist at Mass in D.C. I know there is heated debate surrounding this issue, but in my opinion, they are creating public scandal by receiving. (I also was worried when I heard on Fox News that Yankee stadium sold out of hot dogs today! I really hope they were all consumed during that Harry Connick , Jr. concert held before the Mass began, and not within one hour of receiving!) Anways, Pope Benedict looked great, so much younger than his age, and how about that big cheer today during his homily when he mentioned life in the womb! That was my favorite part. I will leave you with this video combining four of my favorite things - the Pope, EWTN, Ave Maria, and... American Idol! It's EWTN's coverage of Kelly Clarkson singing Ave Maria for Pope Benedict. It's really beautiful.

Modern-day St. Gianna

I just had to post a link to this story. In a world where people so casually abort their babies, it's incredibly moving to see someone willing to give their own life for their child.

Mother Delays Cancer Treatments So Baby Can Live

Leaving tomorrow, bright and early

Well I am now spiritually prepared for my big surgery. Tonight I went to confession and had an Anointing of the Sick.

I love confession, and just a few short years ago I would have thought you were crazy if you told me I would one day write those words. But since I went through a conversion a few years ago, I've learned what a wonderful opportunity it is to cleanse yourself and truly feel God's grace and forgiveness. So while in with the priest tonight I asked him if he could give me a special blessing ahead of my surgery on Tuesday. He said to find him after the 5:30 p.m. Mass and he would do an anointing, since there was another woman he was already planning to anoint. So I did, and it was beautiful. I've had it done before, once when there was a "community" anointing at my old church. I kind of did it that time for infertility in general. That was the first time I had heard that you could receive the sacrament for a number of reasons. You don't have to be dying, you don't even have to be sick in the traditional sense. You could have a "sickness" of the spirit, the mind, or the body. That day we were also told you could receive it on behalf of someone else. Anway, it's a beautiful Sacrament.

So I'll now finish my novena to St. Gianna, keep praying, and try to focus on God's promise to protect me. And I should also focus on the many, many people praying for me. From friends and family, to friends of friends and family, I truly have an army of people praying.

We head out tomorrow morning, at or around 6 a.m. hopefully, for our two-day drive. This is the worst part - the waiting for the trip to begin. That's when my anxiety really takes ahold of me. I need to trust God! I need to trust God! Okay, so that's my mantra for the next couple days. If I'm freaking out in the next couple of days I might post again, since it helps me relax. But if not, I'll do so when I'm feeling better.

St. Gianna - A model of courage

I'm starting a novena to St. Gianna today, nine days ahead of my surgery. In anticipation of it, my husband and I said a litany last night that we found on www.stgianna.org. One line in particular jumped out at me and really gave me comfort:

"Fill us with her spirit of courage to suffer any struggle rather than deny You and the sanctity of human life."

For those of us who are Catholic, and for whom IVF is not an option, I think this line speaks volumes. Although I am not entirely sure that IVF would even help me, the fact that it is not an option is a big deal. There are so many Catholic women like myself who struggle with infertility and who want children more than anything else in the world, but still will not do IVF because they and their Church don't agree with it. What a great testimony to the sanctity of human life this is! Because it was such an easy decision for me to not consider IVF, I think I often overlook this. I had a priest tell me once what a grace it was that I wasn't tempted by it. I had never thought about that.

So like they probably did with St. Gianna (who chose to die rather than abort the baby in her womb), people may think I am crazy (I always think they're thinking, "well you must not want a baby that bad!"). And like Gianna knew all too well, the decision to honor the sanctity of all human life doesn't come without great struggle. The Lord never said following Him would be easy and like the line from the litany says, I'd rather suffer in this manner than deny the Lord. This week as I say my novena, I will try to draw strength from St. Gianna. I'm sure she endured her suffering much better than I could ever imagine.