Good mood

Well, she pulled it off! Sarah Palin was amazing tonight. I have to admit, I was nervous, but she was able to come off as intelligent and in command, while still letting her down-home charm shine through. Granted, I only watch Fox, but even the Democrats on there were complimentary of her. The only thing they can say is "sure, she's nice, but she didn't differentiate herself and John McCain from Bush..." If that's all they can say, you know they think she won, too!

On another topic (although not completely unrelated), I'm a really good mood! I think it might be the crisp fall air today. It was so beautiful today for my shift at the clinic. Usually it's hard to be there and I feel really dark and down, but today I loved it. It was so nice out and I felt really peaceful when I prayed. I also spent about 45 minutes talking to the cop that the clinic pays to "protect" them. It was funny, that when the doctor drove up I all of a sudden see this cop walk out, as if to protect him. Then it occurred to me, he's protecting the doctor from me! It just struck me as funny. Anyways, the cop eventually came over to me and we talked all about politics, tonight's debate, a little about abortion in an abstract sense, but more about the other protestors who aren't affiliated with 40 Days for Life. We agreed that they were going about it the wrong way.

The rest of the afternoon, and still tonight, I was just in a great mood. It's funny what your hormones can do, because last night I was miserable. I was on edge for no reason (well, other than infertility always being a reason) and depressed. And today I was happy for no apparent reason.

Speaking of hormones, still no more spotting. I guess the next thing I have to look forward to is taking my temp in the morning to see if it's dropped yet. I need that extra warning that the cycle is ending. Know what I mean? Otherwise, I feel so beaten by just suddenly getting my period, like it got me. One point for it. Does anyone else get nervous taking their bbt in the morning? Every morning I wake up and quickly take it, and some mornings I even wake up constantly to see if it's time yet. Of course, I don't want to take it too early, because then it might be too low. So I'll take it again tomorrow morning, hoping it stays at 98.2 or possibly even higher.

Have a great night! (although you'll probably be reading this in the morning...)

My trip to the McCain/Palin rally

So today was the big McCain/Palin rally in northern Virginia! I was one of 23,000 people. Yes, that's 23-THOUSAND! It was incredible. Here's how the day went:

I woke up bright and early (4:45 a.m.) to attend. My husband, who was covering the event (he did a regular report, but you can also see his "live blog" from the event here), had to wake up at 2:15 a.m., so I can't complain. I drove to my friend's house and we set out for the two hour drive - me, my friend L, and her little 3-month-old baby, T. Around 8:30, we arrived at the mall where shuttle buses were picking everyone up to take us to the park where the rally would take place. We got one of the last parking spots in the place and immediately realized there were tons of people. Here's the line we waited in, which was just one of several lines:

And here's the baby:

Isn't he just adorable?! (Oh, and by the way, he is adopted, so I got to talk to L all about adoption today, which I do every time I see her! I'm probably like a broken record!)

So we waited in line for a shuttle for probably like 45 minutes. Then we arrived minutes later at the park where we went through a security check:

It was packed! It was immediately clear that we weren't getting anywhere near the stage, so we found my husband, said hi, then made our way to a hill that was already full of people. We found a spot on the top of the hill where we could somewhat make out the podium where they'd be speaking, and realized we were lucky to find a spot where we could see at all. Here was our view:

Way, way, way in the distance you might be able to make out a big blue sign, between the two tree branches, with the word "Country" on it (as in "Country First"). That is right in back of the stage. It actually wasn't as far away as this picture makes it seem.

So the previous picture was before anything started, and many more people would soon arrive. The grass you see is the spot that was behind the media bleachers, which is empty because you couldn't see anything from there. Soon, though, people were forced to stand there, even though I'm sure they never laid eyes on Gov. Palin or Sen. McCain. Here's the same spot about a half hour later:

Here's the Straight Talk Express arriving, although I'm pretty sure McCain and Palin were brought in in unmarked vans. So then who actually rides on the bus??


Fred Thompson spoke first:

That tree was in our way the whole time! Here's T again, sleeping through his first political rally:

I moved over a bit to get this shot, since it shows how many people were there much better, although this is just a fraction of the entire crowd:

The fire marshall's official tally was 23,000 people in attendance. That's amazing!! My husband said that the national press corp apparently scoffed at that number, but it seems pretty official coming from the fire marshall!

Next, McCain and Palin and their spouses came to the stage. Cindy spoke, although Todd did not (I was hoping he would!):

That darn umbrella was in our way the whole time!

Then it was Sarah's turn:

The crowd went nuts! It was so cool! I have to admit that I still am moved when I think about her being our next vice president. I'm not one to care about "women power" or feminism, or anything like that (well, mainly because it has been hijacked by the pro-abortion movement); I think the best person for the job should get the job. But when the best person for the job also happens to be a woman, that is just so exciting, and suddenly I find myself being just so proud of her as a fellow woman!

Then McCain spoke and despite talk that everyone was there to see Sarah, people were still super excited and cheered just as much for him, if not more:


Here's one last pic of T:

I wish I got a picture of him with his "I vote pro-life" sticker on too, but I didn't. It was so cute!

Well there are no pictures of it, but catching the shuttle bus home was a mess. The crowd was nearing a revolt! Alas, we got on a bus and made our way to our car, and arrived safely home in the late afternoon. All in all, it was a great day!

Cycle update and whatever else is on my mind

I haven't been feeling too well lately. As I tried to fall asleep last night I had horrible stomach cramps. I thought for sure a stomach bug was coming on. I was convinced I'd be throwing up all night, it was that bad. But I never did. I woke up with some more cramping, but not as bad.

The thing that worries me is that nearly every morning I wake up with cramping. I'm worried it's the endometriosis coming back. And that's not me being a pessimist, because I sincerely haven't been looking for it and never thought it would come back. I'm just not sure what else could be wrong. If I had to guess where it is, I'd say on my intestines because the pain is lower-GI pain. When I had my two surgeries, Dr. H never detected any there, which surprised me because my pain just felt like it was coming from there.

Well, anyways, I have felt slightly nauseous all day today. It could be that the end of my cycle is nearing. I am on day 28, I think, and lately near the end of my cycles I, at worst, get nauseous and, at best, don't have an appetite. So it could be that. That being said, is nausea at the end of a cycle normal? Is it a sign of something? I'll have to add it to the list of questions for my doctor.

Speaking of this cycle, it has been pretty normal, which is good! I am currently nine days post-peak. I had severals days of good mucus lasting until mid-cycle, my temperature went up on my peak day, and then I had several non-mucus days while my temp stayed up. A couple interesting things to note, though. First, on the third day after my peak day, my temp dropped dramatically. It went from 98.2 to 96.8, which is way lower than my pre-peak temps which normally hover around 97.7. Nothing was out of the ordinary that morning and I did not take it earlier than normal. The very next day it went back up to 98.2 and stayed at that level until this morning, when it went up to 98.5. Also, yesterday I saw a very, very small amount of spotting, but it is gone today. That's not uncommon, as I will often have spotting every other day at the end of a cycle. Hopefully my dr. will give me something for low progesterone at my next visit, or whatever they give you to treat that problem (antibiotics?).

I've also been thinking about adoption lately. I got really upset last night, asking why God would want me to not only suffer infertility, but apparently doesn't want us to adopt right now either. I'm really praying hard that God can put it on my heart. But, in the end, if I am opening myself up to God's will, praying for it, and do not feel like that is where He is leading me, then I have to respect that. Just because something is "good" and "honorable" doesn't mean He wants that for us; if that were the case then he'd have answered my prayers with a pregnancy by now! So while it may appear that it's my problem that I'm not coming around to the idea of adoption, that would be taking God out of the equation.

But adoption differs from infertility in that it is within our control to just do it, and that somewhat complicates things. If I wanted to, I could walk into an adoption agency today, get the paper work, and start the process. And would God be upset with us for that? Most people would say no. So am I silly to just wait around for a sign from the heavens? How do I know if I am interpreting His will for me correctly? Am I letting my own hesitations and selfish desires for a biological child get in the way of discerning what God's will for me is? My husband is ready to adopt today and in a way, I am robbing him of being a parent by putting this off. God is apparently putting it on his heart to adopt, so should that supersede the absence of a clear feeling on my part? It's so confusing!

With all that in mind, we went to adoration last night. I didn't walk out with any clearer picture, but hopefully God will continue to help us come to a decision. I have just felt an overwhelming feeling for a couple years now that we are supposed to wait. And I'd like to think we're supposed to wait because I'll be pregnant soon, but I also know we might be waiting because the child we are supposed to adopt has not yet been conceived. I'm just going to continue to trust God and keep an open mind and heart. That's all I can do!

In other news, I'm going to a McCain/Palin rally tomorrow! I'm so excited. I'll get to see Sarah Palin in person and my primary goal is to get her to take a picture with my friend's baby. Last time I went to one of these things, I shook McCain's hand, so it's not out of the question I'd get up close. I tend to find a way to do that in situations like this. But this time there will be way more people there. They've already had to move the event because of the overwhelming response for tickets, so it's going to be packed. Check back tomorrow evening for pictures!!

Brilliant

I laughed, I cried, I clapped, I cheered. Could I love Sarah Palin any more than I already do? She was simply amazing.

That is a real gift what she has. She was poised, smart, witty, warm, tough, and just plain awesome.

I know it didn't matter what she did, the liberal media was going to hate it. So far from what I've watched and read they are calling her mean, sarcastic and in the most UNREAL criticism of the century - "her speech was good, but she didn't write it". WHAT???? No politican writes their speeches! EVER! Amazingly, we just turned to CNN and they were discussing (the reporters, of course, because they don't just report the news, they give their opinions) how Obama can possibly react to this. They were actually admitting that it was good, but you could tell they were very nervous for Obama, as all impartial journalists should be. But, as one democrat cable news panelist actually put it tonight immediately following her speech (believe it or not): She was brilliant. Brilliant!

And as for the liberals calling her mean, well, guess what. She is a mother who has watched the national media and the democratic party attack her little girl for the last three days. What mother wouldn't fight back?

One other point before I go - What is so wrong with McCain picking a choice that appeals to conservatives? When Obama picks liberal Biden it's just par for the course to the media. But when - God forbid - McCain picks a conservative, well, he's just weak and stupid. The truth is, they are scared to death of pro-lifers (no pun intended). Well, be SCARED! Because Roe v. Wade will be overturned in our lifetimes!

And one more thing (sorry, I need to get all of this out or I won't sleep tonight) - I have had enough of this vetting crap. The media thinks they deserve to be part of the vetting process and they are all upset that McCain left them out. How dare he leave them out! The insanity of it! I actually heard one democratic strategist say on t.v. today that they should have been told, that McCain should have put her name on a list for them. WHAT?! Let me just say one thing here...I KNEW SHE WAS ON THE SHORT LIST! In APRIL! Little old me. In Richmond, Virginia. I remember it as clear as day. I was in our office, on my Mac, and I read it in an article linked off of the Drudge Report. Maybe they should have just called me.

Oh, and I'm not sad anymore after tonight. Hopefully my admiration for Sarah will keep my mind off of bad thoughts tomorrow too!

A great day

The last 24 hours have been a whirlwind of emotions for me.

To start things off, this time last night my husband was just getting home from work and we were starting to watch one of our guilty pleasures, Big Brother. Well, let's just say things didn't go the way I wanted them to during the episode and I actually cried. Yes, actual, real tears. I think I might have said something like, "Why can't things ever go my way?"

Not my proudest moment. But I share this with you just in case you might sometimes get the very wrong impression from my posts that I am more in touch with God than I actually am. I think this example speaks for itself on that issue.

That being said, I do blame some of my behavior on hormones. I have to, right? Who cries during Big Brother, other than when a house guest gets a call from home, or a letter from their kid? And even then, you'd have to be REALLY into the show and maybe PMSing. If it's not hormones, than I am truly a crazy person.

Anyways, we went to bed a while later and let's suffice it to say that it was one of those nights when, according to my chart, certain behavior was required. That pressure can sometimes lead to a fight, and in this case it did. A long one. I think I fell asleep sometime after four a.m.

About six hours later, I was awoken by my screaming husband. Like, at the top of his lungs screaming. If I remember correctly, I think he was saying, "He picked her! He picked Palin!" At first I thought he was going to say he picked Eric Can.tor. That's our local congressman, a friend of ours works for him, and Ry.an might have been able to follow him on the campaign trail if he was chosen. But when I heard "Palin" I was in utter shock. I heart Sarah Palin.

I think I was giddy all day long. I was just on cloud nine. I mean, she walked out to the theme from Rudy, people! Her 5-month-old baby boy with Downs Syndrome, who she is still breast feeding, was in the arms of her oldest daughter. I cried. I still get chills when I watch it on Youtube.

Okay, so today's political news put both of us in great moods, although both of us were extremely tired from our lack of sleep. While my husband had to go in to work for a couple hours, I got to nap. When I woke up, we headed off to do some shopping and to go out to dinner (the day just kept on getting better!). My plan was to go into J.Cr.ew just to see what size I am this week. No, I might not be able to eat fried food, but I go down sizes as quick as I use to put back a plate of chicken tenders. (Sorry. That's just me trying to convince myself. I want bad food REALLY bad right now.)

So I tried on a size that would have been a crazy dream size just a few months ago. Now it is officially my size. I tried on several pants and capris in that size, and all fit. To put this in context, you have to understand that I've spent years in denial about my true size. Trips to the fitting room would go something like this: Find clothes in size smaller than I really am, because I don't want to admit my real size. Hold up clothes and think "I'm not that big, am I?" Take clothes into the dressing room. Try clothes on and can't pull them up. Get upset. Leave store in bad mood. Curse all clothing stores, myself and skinny people.

Back to the shopping.. I then tried on a pair of capris in a size bigger than my current size because they didn't have my size, and they're big but comfy and on a major sale so I bought them ($18 isn't bad!). I then tried on a pair in the same style a size down from my current size and decided to buy those too. So I now own a pair of capris in a super-bizarro-beyond-crazy dream size. (A thought just came to me - this is one way infertility has truly blessed me. I would NEVER have lost nearly thirty pounds if it wasn't because of this. Well, maybe that was a little obvious, now that I think about it.)

So I left the store extremely excited and we went to a great restaurant and had a great meal. Then we came home and watched the Mets game we had DVR'ed. Um, amazing! With two outs in the ninth, they came back from behind with a grand slam and won. And the Phillies lost! First place by two games!!

Well, that's my day in a nutshell. And what a great one it was! When I was wallowing in self-pity early this morning and telling my husband he doesn't care about me, I didn't have high hopes for the day ahead. But life is full of surprises!

I CANNOT believe it!

Wow!!!!!!!!!!! She has been my dream pick for McCain's running mate, but in recent months I had resigned myself to the fact that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin wasn't the one. And then my husband woke me up this morning SCREAMING that she was it!

From Wikipedia, about her baby with Downs Syndrome:

Palin refused to let the results of prenatal genetic testing change her decision to have the baby. "I'm looking at him right now, and I see perfection," Palin said. "Yeah, he has an extra chromosome. I keep thinking, in our world, what is normal and what is perfect?"

She is just incredible. Incredible! I honestly didn't think he had it in him. I am SO proud of John McCain for this pick! He has officially fired me up, so I hope the rest of the conservative base is too!

****

Update

Just watched her speech and I am in AWE. I didn't want it to end. And when she walked out - TO THE THEME FROM RUDY, I might add - with her children and her daughter holding her little baby, I cried. One of the best political moments I have ever witnessed.