I had a mini-breakdown tonight. I'm just scared that something else is really wrong, and I don't know enough about all of this to calm myself down. I'm hoping I can blame my craziness on the ovulation drug. Didn't some of you say that can happen?
I keep googling terms, looking for something, anything, to shed light on my temp rising four days before my peak mucus day. So far, all I've found is that maybe it's caused by too much estrogen, or not enough progesterone. I don't know, honestly! It's all over my head. I shouldn't read that stuff. I should turn my computer off!
I just can't imagine why I was starting to have somewhat normal cycles and then I take Tamoxifen and things get wacky again. And I know Creighton doesn't like us to chart our temps, but millions of women chart that way every day, so it can't be totally wrong. One method (bbt) would say I ovulated on or before Thursday, while the other method (Creighton) says I may be ovulating today or may ovulate in the future. I just don't understand how there could be that much discrepancy between the two. One has to be wrong. Either something caused my temp to rise early prior to ovulation, or something is causing me to produce mucus after ovulation.
I am sad tonight and I have cried, and it doesn't help that I am all alone, with lots of time to think. But, despite my sadness, I am still trusting God. I think where I am going wrong , though, is that I am allowing the questions and the confusion to overwhelm me. I can't stop worrying about it, and that is not of God. I am going to pray now, before I go to sleep, and try to come to terms with that.
I will be handing in the remaining parts of my home study tomorrow (Monday). I don't know if that will bring with it more happiness or more sadness. I'll let you know tomorrow.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Going nuts
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I'm sorry you're having such a rough time! I have had some funky things go on with cm after peak, too. (And both cycles that I conceived, my husband was on a business trip on peak day, too--the first time, he left five days before peak, and the second time, he left the day before peak.)
ReplyDeleteOh! And, yes, ovulation drugs can affect your state of mind--I have a friend who calls them crazy pills after her experience. But I'm excited for you about the home study stuff! The home study still feels daunting to me.
ReplyDeleteThis is your first cycle with Tamoxifen, right? I don't know if you remember my post about this but my first cycle on it was 19 days long!!!! Remember how I was totally freaking out because it was the cycle right before my surgery? I thought Dr. L was going to cancel because the surgery was going to happen after ovulation.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I don't have any answers for you except that it makes sense your body might be a little whacky the first cycle. This is only my second cycle on Tamoxifen, so I will keep you posted!
I'm sorry you're feeling down. *hug*
ReplyDeleteK,
ReplyDelete*in my humble opinion* I would suggest that you stop checking your temps. for awhile and just observe mucus for awhile. BBT is super tricky and frustrating (as I'm sure you know), because even the slightest hormone twinge can throw that temp. off-balance :)
I'm sorry you're having a hard time though and it stinks when you have to wallow alone.
I bet this is all a side effect of the ovulation drugs. I think you should call your Dr or practitioner and find out if others have reported this. It wouldn't hurt. I've never taken Tamoxifen, so I don't know anything about it. I only took Clomid for one month and at that time I wasn't checking CM. I agree with you....you are going to have to trust God with this one. I hope you feel better soon. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteSince I am reading this post the next day, I hope you were able to rest well. I only took clomid one cycle years ago and I felt like a clown. I would be angry and then sad. Crying uncontrollingly. This was from a dr. who did not investigate any of my other problems, so I am sure taking that kind of med in my condition was't a good combination. I hope you turning in your pw today will be bring you much joy! I also hope that your furry friends kept you good company last night. By the way, I was so encouraged by andnothbysight's comments. God will bless you with a healthy baby and pregnancy - I just know it!
ReplyDeleteSorry you are going through this. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteIt's always worse when you're going through it alone -- spare time, worries, "dr. goo.gle"... I hope you were able to sleep and rest and awoke today more relaxed. And really, you aren't alone -- you have us!!
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