The other day I came across something I had scribbled down a a year or so ago. It had fallen out of my "infertility folder," this bright green folder given to me by my Creighton instructor at our introductory session. This folder contains my entire infertility world, all my charts, my blood work history, even my thermometer. It has been through a lot - two moves, to Italy and back, to Omaha twice, not to mention it travels from room to room with me now that I take my temp and pulse four times a day! - and it's safe to say it has been past its prime for several months now. (Sorry for the detail, but my green folder is a big part of my life.)
Anyway, so this little scrap of paper fell out of it a few days ago and when I picked it up I realized it contained a passage that I had written down months ago. I remember that I thought the passage would help me during hard times, but it turns out I completely forgot about it. So, it would make a much better story if I had found it during one of my days of mild depression late last week, but I did not. I was already feeling better when I saw it, but I figured there is probably someone out there who could benefit from it right now, so here it is:
There are days when the burdens we carry
chafe our shoulders and wear us down,
when the road seems dreary and endless,
the skies grey and threatening,
when our lives have no music in them and our hearts are lonely,
and our souls have lost their courage.
Flood the path with light, we beseech Thee, O Lord,
turn our eyes to where the heavens are full of promise!
-St. Augustine
We could all use our paths flooded with a little light, couldn't we?
I am surprised it didn't have my name in that prayer!!! LOL
ReplyDeleteI am not sure where I came across this....I beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart
ReplyDeleteand try to love the questions themselves
as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.
don't search for the answers,
which could not be given to you now,
because you would not be able to live them.
and the point is to live everything.
live the questions now.
perhaps then,
someday far in the future,
you will gradually, without even noticing it,
live your way into the answer.
Thanks so much for sharing this!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I just wrote an essay on Letrozole and gonadotropins for your reading pleasure. (it's on my blog in my comments section!)
ReplyDeleteSorry if tmi:)
LIFEHOPES, I am on letrozole and would love to read, but your blog is private. I know I am not invited but I am asking if I can read what your wrote! :)
ReplyDeleteThis is for Nikjaye:
ReplyDeleteThe letrozole is to ensure that my ovulation is efficient.
The difference between the Letrozole and the gonadotropins is that Letrozole works on the level of the ovary and gonadotropins work on the master gland level (pituitary gland) --- okay this is far too much info I am sure! But anyways, letrozole is an aromatase inhibitor - which I think means it decreases the estrogen levels (sounds backwards, right?) by sending a signal to your brain that there's not enough estrogen around. Your ovaries in turn produce more and your follicle becomes bigger and stronger. Some even couple HCG with the drug (to "trigger" ovulation) Gonadotropins on the other hand are actual hormones which work on a higher level - to increase the follicle size and number. So some use FSH (gonadotropins) along with Letrozole. Letrozole on its own will not result in more than one follicle per cycle. However, gonadotropins can result in several follicles. (one would need to be monitored via ultrasound for that reason).
It is worthwile to do some reading on Letrozole because it is also being successfully used for PCOS but without the side effects of Clomid (doesn't thin the lining of the uterus or effect cervical mucus or create multiple follicles). Just go to Google scholar and type in Letrozole and pregnancy rates. Or "femara" and pregnancy rates (femara is the trade name).
You should know that Letrozole is used "off label" for infertility - it is actually a breast cancer drug. There was some initial controversy about it causing birth defects in pregnant women but it has been found to have a very short half life (around 24 hours?) so it is safe to use before becoming pregnant. In fact, several good studies have been done confirming that the risk of birth defects is not increased when using the drug to achieve pregnancy.
Whew!
LIFEHOPES! Thanks! Now that we have highjacked AYWH comment section. Really appreciate it! I can't say I love Letrozole because I have every side effect...But who knows 2 months down, 3 to go....Does it make your ovaries feel like hard rocks? I hate it! Anyway thanks for letting me read!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for posting this. I think the Holy Spirit inspired you to include this in your blog for me. I am having one of my lower days. I have a close group of 5 other girlfriends from college and they ALL have had a baby in the last year. In emailing each other they talk about deciding when to have thier second baby. It's like they just have to figure out when it works best for THEM. So simple. I know it's not their fault that they have easily had children, but on days like today I can't help but be jealous. I know that I don't know you personally, but I find strength in reading your blog because it helps me not feel so alone in this cross that we bear. Thank you.
ReplyDelete