I started taking my hydrocortisone today (two 5 mg tablets, taken before 8 a.m.) and, thanks be to God, it did not make me feel nauseous. I was worried it would, and if it did, there really isn't any other options other than natural licorice. Not only have I never liked licorice, but for some reason that just doesn't seem like it would have as much of an effect as the hydrocortisone. Maybe it would, but licorice being the final fix to my infertility just sounds funny!
Luckily, it looks like I won't ever have to try it. I also started taking the DHEA today as well. I love starting new medications. It just gives me a little tiny bit of hope.
Oh, and yesterday I happened to turn on the show Mys.tery Diag.nosis on Discove.ry Hea.lth and guess what - it was about a girl with adrenal fatigue! What are the chances? I think one of the other few episodes I've seen was about endometriosis. As I told my mom today, apparently all my health problems are worthy of a show that features lesser-known ailments that often go undiagnosed. Nice! Well, thankfully mine have been diagnosed.
Anyway, they described what it all means and it was very similar to the explanation I recently received (oddly enough, this girl's case of it was brought about when she had a head injury in a car accident and injured her pituitary). The doctor prescribed her "a hormone," as he called it (I'm assuming cortisone), and she took two pills each morning (the same as me!). Her parents talked about how they couldn't believe that two pills were going to solve all of her problems, but sure enough, after 48 hours, she said she had more energy than she'd had in the last five years. I'm so hoping I have that same success!
In cycle news, today is peak +12. I kind of feel like this cycle is ending. I'm expecting it to end either tomorrow or Tuesday. Luckily, I'll be at the beach tomorrow with Ryan's family to help get my mind off of it, and then Tuesday we're going to D.C. to see the Mets play the Nationals. Not that anything can really help me to deal with this, but at least being with other people cuts down on the time I have to openly cry and feel sorry for myself.
Speaking of that, lately Ryan is really trying hard to do things for me when I'm down. The loving, helpless husband that he is, he always wants to come up with fun stuff to do, and for that I am grateful, but the truth is that nothing can truly get my mind off of this. We've spent five years trying to fill the hole left by infertility, but nothing - not eating out, not taking walks, not shopping, not going to the movies - can truly fill it. And believe me, I love doing all of those things. For the first several years, I said yes when he suggested we do them because, to be completely honest, I think I wanted to take advantage of it. Who wants to turn down an excuse to do fun things? But lately I have been turning them down (although it is hard) because I feel like the longer I agree to do things to get my mind off of it, the more I am putting off truly dealing with the matter at hand.
But the problem is that I don't think I will ever truly deal with the matter at hand. When I refuse to do something that would be an attempt at getting my mind off of infertility, I just sit home and become more upset. I am not convinced that anything other than a pregnancy can make me feel better.
So do I continue to try to put a band-aid on it or sit home and sulk? After writing it out, doing something fun sounds like the much better option! I guess in my mind - in the heat of the moment while I'm having a breakdown - I feel like the suggestion to "get my mind off of it" is implying that simply renting a movie could somehow replace a baby. Obviously, I know that's not what my husband, or anyone else for that matter, is suggesting. I need to stop looking at it that way, and see it for what it is - a diversion being offered (by a very caring husband) to someone who is dealing with something very heavy and should be doing whatever she can to raise her spirits. After all, that should be part of my new treatment plan!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
New meds and cycle update
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All sounds positive and hopeful, to me. Plus you have a few days of fun to look forward to. God bless.
ReplyDeleteThat's crazy timing that you watched a mystery diagnosis where the girl had the same syndrome you do. I'm glad you feel good about your new medications.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you have decided to think about the distractions (especially the special things Ryan does) in a more positive way. Just think of them as stress relief "medication".
It's hard to be motivated to go out and do fun things when you don't feel like it, but hopefully the pills will help with that. And maybe try not to think of the things Ryan suggests as "diversions," but just simply as time with a wonderful, loving, caring husband? When you're old and gray, and looking back, you don't want to remember time spent on the couch, but time with the special people in your life. The Mets game will be great -- I bet you can get terrific seats at the Nats stadium!
ReplyDeleteYou were so wise to pray that God revealed anything else that might be impedeing your fertility...and He clearly answered. Wow. This seriously might clear it all up for. My nutritionist is convinced that this is the cause of a lot of infertility. I'm praying for you! And I'm praying you can enjoy those fun things in the mean time. I have a hard time doing that, too.
ReplyDeleteI hope the meds kick in and you feel more energy. I'm praying!
ReplyDeleteI completely understand about the stay in and wallow vs get out and do something internal debate. I explained it to my therapist as feeling like I was just participating in filler to pass the time. And so what if it's filler? Call it like you see it. At least it's a little more enjoyable than the random tears on the couch.
ReplyDeleteI saw a mystery diagnosis episodes a few weeks ago about PCOS. About 2 minutes into the show, the girl was describing her symptoms and I thought, she's probably got PCOS. But then I thought...no, it can't be that easy, what OBGYN doesn't know about PCOS. I mean, Her symptoms were textbook PCOS.
ReplyDeleteDum, dum, dum.....mystery diagnosis reveals....PCOS!
Then the women went on to say how heartbroken she was that PCOS causes infertility and that she may never be able to have children.
Cut to: woman playing with 2 kids, a second big reveal...they were still able to conceive and now live happily ever after with their two children.
Needless to say, I turned the show off. LOL!