A lot to be thankful for

My streak of positive ovulation tests finally came to an end today. Yay! I've never been so happy to see a negative test. I know four days of positives isn't exactly normal, but it's better than five or six days I guess.

I'm trying not to look too much into things so I don't want to over-analyze this, but besides hoping for a pregnancy, I'm really just hoping my body starts to regulate itself after surgery and this cycle will be the first chance to see if it does. Today is CD 18 and I've had mucus for about a week, with the exception of not having any on the 13th and so far none today. I've always had enough mucus, so that's not an issue, but my problem is that I have like two weeks of it and it stops, then starts, then stops, then starts. I have been told that is because my body is trying to ovulate and can't, so it's trying to kick start itself. I'm really hoping that my ovulation problems were due to endometriosis and that things will soon start to look more "normal." So I'm really crossing my fingers that I don't have any mucus today, or for the rest of the cycle.

But - if there is something else (other than endometriosis) that has been going on, I should be confident that it can be fixed. It just might take longer, but that's what patience is for, right? So I shouldn't worry. I'm just so thankful that I have/had a problem that can be fixed. So many people are dealing with forms of infertility that are not treatable and I think I can get so caught up in my sadness that I forget how lucky I am. We haven't had to grieve the finality of untreatable infertility. Sometimes I grieve it because I am a pessimist, but I haven't had to really deal with that. My situation really is hopeful, and my level of hope on any given day has nothing to do with that. A stranger would look at my situation and say it is hopeful. That's the truth that I have to start getting use to. I use to fight hope because of the fear of being let down, but I am confident if that were to happen, God will protect me. I believe He gives graces to those who hope in Him.

And I have a lot to be excited about! My sister is flying in tomorrow for a week-long visit and the day after she leaves we close on our new house. Then I'll have at least a month of getting it all ready, painting, sewing curtains, decorating. And many new episodes of Lost are still to come (how amazing has this season been?!), not to mention American Idol, and now that the strike is over The Office and 30 Rock will be back! And did I mention Lost? Then we're going on vacation with my family in April. I'm at my best when I'm preoccupied and have things to look forward to. This cycle will be over before I know it and then it will be time to have new blood drawn and possibly start taking something to regulate my hormones. Now, if God could just miraculously heal my cavities that I'll be having filled in the coming weeks, things would be really great!