Friday, February 22, 2008

Letting go actually works

Well I decided to just let go of trying to have blood drawn this month (not that I had control over it, but I decided to not stress about it). I could have tried again today, since PPVI said sometimes you can have it drawn on Peak+8 if you have to, but we closed on our house this morning and my sister's flight was canceled so I wasn't about to waste another day calling labs along the eastern seaboard. But I have gotten some helpful ideas from a couple people and we'll see what happens with those. I'm going to turn my energy towards setting something up for next month, and on Monday I'm going to call a hospital in Northern VA who has sent blood to PPVI before. I feel better since I let go of this and gave it up to God (hey, that's what is supposed to happen, go figure!). Maybe I should try this more often! All I know is I can't say I'm working on patience for Lent and not follow through with it when things get tough. Did I expect not to have my patience really tested these forty days?!

As for my cycle, today is CD 25. Technically it is now CD 26 (the clock just turned to midnight but I think this post will register as Friday). And, as I said earlier, today is Peak+8. The bad news is this afternoon I briefly experienced some sensations that lead me to believe my period is on the way. The feeling only lasted a minute but it has never disappointed before (or, I should say, it always disappoints). So we will see. My temp was still up this morning, but since I am taking it for another reason (thyroid study) I don't really know enough about BBT to use that as evidence. But I guess I shouldn't over-analyze things. The most I can hope for is that I ovulated this month and that maybe, just maybe, my cycle will appear somewhat "normal" this time around. My body is healing, my ovaries are healing and this will happen in God's time.

I got an email today from someone who reminded me of a song that speaks volumes about what I need to do right now (thank you!). Here's a portion of it.

"Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm


For some reason, this line always hits me the hardest: "I raise my hands and praise the God who gives And takes away." It may not seem like God has taken away anything from me, but I truly feel like He has. My dreams have been taken away. My fertility has been taken away. I know it might not be permanent, but right now it is real. But it's the praising of God through this that strikes me. I'm definitely not good at it and the thought that people do that is amazing to me. But if I get bad news in the next week, I'm going to give it my best shot.

2 comments:

  1. I'm glad you were able to give in and let go this month. It does make it a little easier.

    I can relate to your post on the song. I don't know that song, but now I want to look it up. I wrote a post about the song "Blessed be the Name of the Lord" entitled "Tearing Up." The line in the song that speaks most to me is the one that says God gives and takes away. I also am not sure how people praise God during suffering, but I have been working on trusting God enough that I can praise during suffering.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can relate to your words on the song too! I posted about it here

    http://babypack.blogspot.com/2007/02/dj.html

    last February.

    The song was Blessed be Your Name, and it was during mass. Good thing they didn't play it this year, I probably would have really lost it :)

    ReplyDelete