I decided not to take an ovulation test today. It just makes me too crazy. I really, truly want to relax about all of this. It's getting to the point where I'm tired of being sad, angry, and worried all of the time. I've been praying for God to help me to accept His will, whatever outcome it may be. I've also been praying for Him to put adoption on my heart, if that is His will. I hope I can get to a point where I can be optimistic, hopeful, but most importantly where I can trust God. The main thing I need to remember is I will have answers, in God's time. One day, whether that day is a month from now or a year from now, I will know what is medically preventing me from conceiving. That problem - or problems - will either be fixable or they won't be fixable. We may try to fix them and then find out the treatments don't work. Or, it may come to a point where doctors say they cannot determine what is wrong. That is a possibility. I may adopt while the medical treatment is going on, or I may adopt once it is all over. Or I may get pregnant.
I'm not feeling too well today. I woke up with a sore throat and I still feel exhausted from the medication, like I'm a lead weight. Maybe it's not the medication and I'm just getting sick! I also have abdominal cramping though. I'm not sure what that is about, because it appears that I'm still not ovulating. I wonder if you get cramps when your follicle doesn't rupture.
The only thing I've done today, other than go to church, is bake (and watch t.v. of course). Here's a picture of banana chocolate chip bread I made today. I thought it looked pretty. I wish you could smell it!
