I'm having one of those days where I am just teetering on the edge of a breakdown. Not a huge breakdown, but there would be tears involved.
It's just that I can handle my daily stress just fine until two or three unexpected things get added on, and then I really approach my breaking point.
The first thing that is helping me get there quickly is a swollen eye. Actually it's more like a swollen eyebrow/eyelid. It's most likely from an ingrown eyebrow hair and it's so incredibly annoying. I know, not the end of the world, but it's just always there annoying me. And I'm hoping I don't have to go to the doctor. I don't want my husband to see me, let alone leave the house like this.
The second thing is Luke is spitting up more and more. He's been on Zantac for two weeks now and it hasn't helped at all. Last week I called his pediatrician to say it wasn't better and her plan was for me to try giving up butter. I'd given up basically all dairy except butter and she wanted to see if getting rid of it would be the answer. It wasn't. His spitting up has only increased and he still cries out in obvious pain right before I burp him. He only spits up when he's burped, and it's as if the spitting up relieves him. Poor little guy.
And while his feedings are spaced out during the day, mixed in with a few naps, he's basically eating constantly during the hours of 7 to midnight (I had read that cluster feeding like that in the evening hours could mean that he's just filling up for the long sleep ahead). Then, when Ryan gets home around 11:30, we walk on egg shells hoping and praying that he falls asleep and stays asleep. If he does, he's great, sleeping through sometimes till 7 a.m. If he wakes, it's usually around 4 or 5 a.m. and goes back to sleep until 7 or 8 a.m.
It's so stressful crossing our fingers every night that we don't hear his tell-tale cough, cough, cough sound which ALWAYS precedes him waking up and screaming. We have come to fear the three coughs.
And like I said, if he does fall asleep, he stays asleep. That's a blessing.
So today I put in a call to his doctor since it had been a week with no improvement. To my dismay, she said the word I was hoping not to hear - colic. Ugh. She doesn't know for sure if that's it, but that's the nature of colic I suppose. It's what you call it when you don't know for sure what it is.
She also suggested that perhaps I'm feeding him too much. I had wondered about that. I definitely feed him to stop his crying. What else can I do? No, I'm serious - what else can I do?
She wants me to let him go longer between feedings during those hours in which he eats constantly - 7 to midnight. And - and I know some of you disagree with this - she said I can let him cry. I am in the camp of not being opposed to that, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard to listen to. Plus, I really don't want my 14-month old to wake up either.
So I convinced her to let us try the medication that comes after Zantac (I can't remember what it's called). It worked for Clara so I'm hoping it does the trick with Luke too. I can have butter again (yay!) and I'll try to go longer between feedings at night.
The other thing that is weighing on me, though, is his sleeping pattern, or lack thereof. As I said, he sleeps well at night, but it's in a little vibrating seat (we usually don't vibrate it anymore, so he at least learns to sleep without that). We're probably overdue in transitioning him to the bassinet. I know we should have done this from the start but we were not sleeping at all and were desperate.
Another mistake I've made is feeding him until he falls asleep. I will go from side to side to side until he's out, and then I sit still and wait ten to fifteen minutes to make sure he's definitely asleep. I'll even burp him one last time and put him back on for a bit so that I don't have to burp him at the very end. I know this is bad! I'm ready to stop doing it, I just don't know how.
Well, I do know how, and that's to let him cry. And one thing I can't help but wonder is for those who don't believe in letting their babies cry, what do you do if they won't fall asleep on their own? Do you just not worry about it and embrace feeding or rocking them to sleep?
Sorry this is all over the place, but so is my brain lately. I just don't know how others do it. How they have everything under control, their babies sleep beautifully, they don't freak out when new stress enters their day like I do. Maybe it's an unreasonable goal to think everything can be neat and orderly and under control.
Ahhh. I feel better now. Clara is passed out in her play pen (I could hear her playing in her crib during her afternoon nap, so I'm not surprised she's still tired) and Luke's sleeping in his swing. Maybe it's not ideal, but oh well. I'm going to work on it. I'm just not sure where to start.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
One of those days
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hannah spits up too....dr is not concerned. she cries and fusses tils she spits up.
ReplyDeletethe happiest baby on the block really helped me to understand her more so im more calm in dealing with her. h nursess like that to at night but i have stopped that by giving her a bottle. i cant handle the nightly nursing for hours on end. ;) it works....but i know that is when my supply is the lowest so i felt she was more hungry then cluster feeding. ;)
anyway the ring sling has helped her fussiness....do u know that women in some tribe dont have colic becoz their babies r held in sslings and nursed here and there on demand....its because what is described in the book they provide the babies with the 4th trimester.
oh and even when she isnt over fed she spits up. i always offer the bb.hahahahaha its the greatest thing and she always falls asleep on the bb too....i think its all gonna work out. she is just not ready to be out of the womb. ;) little bug wants to be held all the time. ;) ha!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sew. Using Happiest Baby on the Block techniques really helped with Olivia. And pretty much once she turned 3 months she graduated from the 4th trimester as author said. I still use a sound machine when she sleeps. Btw, she too has acid reflux and slept in her bouncy seat until she was 3 months. I worried for awhile that she shouldn't sleep in it, but she slept best that way so I went with it. She got to a point where she was just too big and had to go in the crib. I thought for sure it would be a problem, but she slept fine in her crib. Don't worry. You have to do what you need to do! He will be sleeping in his crib soon enough.
ReplyDeleteI didn't let my baby cry to sleep until he was 10 months old, lol! We basically ended up nursing, rocking, shushing, using happiest baby on the block, and eventually co-sleeping to keep him happy. At times I thought I was going to lose my mind and just wanted to give up. It. was. hard. But it doesn't last forever!
ReplyDeleteAnd, I wouldn't change a thing. At 10 months old I felt confident that he wasn't hungry, wasn't hurting, wasn't refluxing...basically that he just needed me to comfort him to sleep. So I was able to do some sleep training without any regrets. He now sleeps 11-12 hours at night and goes to sleep on his own in the crib. It wasn't easy, or without crying, but we did it. If you have any questions about our methods or what we did, let me know. Nicole at the baby sleep site was a godsend.
All that being said, I didn't feel comfortable to let him cry at 2 months....he still ate 2-4 times a night...he was hungry and needed to bond with me and know I was there and I was too afraid he was actually hurting from reflux, etc.
But I know other have had success letting babies cry early, and all in all, every parent can only do what they think is best for their baby. Good luck and I'm still praying for you all :)
Hi!! I have been following your blog for a year now (since right after you got Clara). I have never left a message so this feels so strange, but I want to help!! I just had my 3rd child and he is 3 months old. For all 3 kids, I followed the Babywise book. All 3 slept thru the night (8-11 hrs straight) by 8-12 weeks, and all have been on eat/sleep schedules from an early age. I am always told how "easy" my babies are, but it is really because of this book. Even now, my 4 and 2 year old have the best sleep habits of all their peers, and I also credit this book. here is a link, I hope that you can get some help from it! http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Baby-Wise-Reference-Worldwide/dp/0971453209
ReplyDeleteMaybe the reason he sleeps better in his seat is because he is elevated. If adults have heartburn, the doctor will tell you not to lie down within a few hours of eating. Maybe it is more comforatable for him to sleep sitting up?
ReplyDeleteJust a thought?
oh! I also wanted to tell you that I nursed all 3, but my supply is SUPER low after 5 pm, so I give them a bottles of pumped milk, or formula if I do not have pumped milk. My little guy, Teddy, will take 6-7 ounce bottle and I will pump on 3 ounces sometimes.
ReplyDeleteOk, I seriously could have written this when Jax was Luke's age. I agonized over every little thing, just knowing I was doing it all wrong and setting myself up for a harder road with him in the future (knowing another baby was coming). This is what I learned: they will hit their milestones and do things like eat on a better schedule, sleep in their cribs, etc when they are ready, pretty much no matter what. Jax STILL needs to be swaddled to go to sleep (he is over 5 months old) and he has to be bounced/rocked to sleep. I also have to go in there sometimes a few times a night to bounce him back to sleep. It is what it is. I thought he'd never sleep in his crib, and now he does at night. We are working on the napping in there and he is getting better. He napped in his swing for the last 5 months, but it is dangerous now that he can wiggle and flip. So, you do those things like moving him from the bouncer to the bassinet when you NEED to, and don't worry about them until you do. When I let go of the constant worry and feeling like I should be controlling more, I was a much more relaxed person in general. So, to answer your question, I just embraced that I have to rock him to sleep. What helped was talking with my best friend who has 4 kids - they all go to bed fine on their own now, and she has always fed them to sleep until they just stopped needing it. That's the thing - no matter what we do, they will grow out of needing that. My Jax will eventually be able to go to sleep unswaddled, and eventually unrocked. But, probably not as soon as I'd like:). Luke will too, in his own time.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I want to address a couple of specific things, just because I JUST Went through so much of this. As for the meds, my guess is he is now on prevacid, that is usually the next step. You should know that neither zantac nor prevacid will control the spitting up (Jax is actually on both). They are for the acid and the acid only. So, they make it so the spitting up is not painful. We had a good 6-8 weeks where we literally SWAM in vomit, it was disgusting and awful and really affected my bonding with Jax. The GI specialist put him on erythromycin, which is an antibiotic but is supposed to help move the food through the GI tract more quickly. The GI specialist also started him on solids 3 times a day when he was 4.5 months old. Those things have made a huge difference. He still spits up, and more than most babies for sure, but nowhere near what it was. With just maturity, I know it will get better and better. So, hang in there with that, it will get better.
The crying it out thing - being an infant mental health specialist, I can tell you that I don't believe in the "Crying it out" method ESPECIALLY in the first few months. BUT, that does not mean a baby couldn't or shouldn't cry on his own for a little while. All it means is that you should not leave him crying for hours on end consistently. I got so sick of carrying Jax around that I tried the letting him cry it out to see if he'd calm himself down. Nope, he couldn't do it (and I mean I left him for a LONG time to try it out). Still can't, although he has been known to calm himself every once in awhile. Every baby is so different. What is important is that you do respond - but it's ok to let him cry for 10-15 minutes and then respond. He is still learning that mommy comes for me, and you come back a calmer mommy.
Ok, and a little more because I wrote too much for the one comment box:)...
ReplyDeleteI also just have to say that I SO Feel your pain with the nighttime sleeping (or lack thereof). My stomach and chest both tighten the minute I hear him stirring, because I know what's coming. I still cannot predict what our nights will be like. Sometimes he doesn't make a peep all night, other nights he's up every 1-2 hours! What I learned here is that I just have to take what comes and not worry so much about what I can do to make it better. There is no predictability to babies, you can feed them more or less before bed, or throughout the day, and they still will sleep the way they will sleep. So while it sucks, I let go of my worry that I was doing something wrong - it took me about 5 months to get there though:).
Try the things the dr suggested, but don't beat yourself up if they don't work perfectly. Our dr also wanted us to space out his feedings, and we were miserable as he screamed for his bottle, sometimes 1-2 hours before he "should" have eaten, according to the dr schedule. We eventually quit that, and he did get better.
All will be ok. I know I wrote WAY too much, I just feel your pain. I am still in this place some days with Jax, but it is much less intense and much less frequent. They seem to get over some "hump" at about 4-5 months old, so just hang in there, he will just naturally move towards more mature patterns before you know it. Until then, just take some deep breaths, don't worry so much about what you "should" be doing, and just survive the bad moments:). I'm thinking of you!
I'd ask the dr. for a Rx of prevacid. My girls both had reflux. Zantac helped my older daughter, but it did nothing for my younger one. She went on prevacid and it made a huge difference.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter had really severe reflux from the minute she was born and had an upper GI at 6 weeks and an acid measuring test at 4 months. Our son had pyloric stenosis surgery at 8 weeks old. What worked the best for them when it came to sleeping was to be swaddled in a baby wrap and placed between a wedge on their side. We also elevated one end of the crib which is supposed to help with reflux at night and help them sleep. It all worked a treat for Olivia. Ian was much better after his surgery. They also fed in smaller amounts more often (bottle fed) and that helped too. It got so bad during the day that she would only eat at home and then at about 4 months-she stopped eating and would scream and scream. She finally knew that eating caused the reflux pain. So the Dr. increased her axid and we started her on goat's milk. That worked and by 9 months she was off her axid all together. Her pedi also recommened a formula with cereal in it from early on and that helped until she was 4 months when we switched to goat's milk formula. I don't know when you plan to introduce solids or if you want to BF alone to six months or more--but I found that cereal helped a lot from about 4 mos on. It's supposed to help keep the milk in the tummy and it did. We have two who are 10 months a apart and it was crazy and I was tired. But it lasts such a short time. Now that they are 3 and 2 I would give anything to have those tiny baby days back--even with the reflux and the surgery.
ReplyDeleteJust some ideas of Other things to do - wear him in a sling or Moby wrap, stand up and walk around with him, say SHHHHHH right in his ear, pacifier, ride in the car, change position, give him something interesting to look at, etc. Ok someone is crying better go try these things!
ReplyDeleteThis stage is so hard--go easy on yourself! Even the cry-it-out experts say you can't really "sleep train" a baby until 4 months--their brains and circadian rhythms are not developed enough to form the habit yet. I would recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child" by Weissbluth, which will give you an idea of what's developmentally appropriate, sleep-wise, for every stage.
ReplyDeleteLots of prayers for you!
I'm a lurker but I feel for you and wanted to let you know that my son was much the same at that age. He nursed CONSTANTLY and spit up like a fountain. I found out that it was soy and other legumes causing the spitting (beans, chickpeas, peas) and I'm a vegetarian so it was really hard to give up and they were in so many foods that it was hard to eliminate them but I did it and it made a big difference, so I'd encourage you to keep hunting down intolerances/allergens. Keep a notebook work it out methodically you can do them one at a time if you have to or go for the common allergens all at once. And giving up butter isn't that bad, you can still eat margarine. You might be eating a really bland diet for awhile but your savings over formula (not to mention the bonding) will make it worthwhile.
ReplyDeleteGet sleep however it works. Don't beat yourself up for not transitioning him sooner. If it works, that's all that matters. We swaddled and my son didn't fully transition out of the swaddle until he was ~10 months. He is a year and still nursed to sleep.
And I'm probably a terrible mother, but I didn't burp my baby a lot when he was little. He didn't liked to be burped and it would wake him up and it didn't really help my cut down on his spitting so if they didn't come out easy I didn't keep trying and if he was asleep I usually didn't bother.
Good luck, hang in there.
I don't have too much to offer just support! Having an infant is so hard! People don't talk about it or just don't remember!
ReplyDeleteE didn't have much colic and once I started supplementing her at night, she slept great and stopped crying. E had weight gain issues, so she was legitably hungry. Doesn't sound like that is your issue. But sometimes babies can get too much foremilk with frequent nursing that has a lot of lactose in it and it can hurt their tummies.
I wouldn't feel bad about letting L sleep in the swing or bouncy seat, as long as he is sleeping that is great! I wouldn't worry about that until about 4 months or so.
I like the 2 sleep books, the Sleep Lady and Happy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child.
Hang in there! This too shall pass...
Okay, everyone has said this or similar things: take it easy on yourself. I agree - a two month old is too little to go on and on crying. I just want to share that what I found by spacing those later feedings farther apart is that the sleep habits naturally improved. Also, it's up to you when you want to stop nursing him to sleep, but it certainly is easier the littler they are. I would just slide my finger in the side of my baby's mouth and pop her off. Burp, burp and try laying her down. But try this new part after you space out those feedings. Then at least, you are not trying everything all at once.
ReplyDeleteI hope this helps, and I will pray for you and your peace of mind. The peace does come.
"Either He will shield you from suffering or give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginings" -St. Francis de Sales
just read your post and then remembered you in my Rosary.
ReplyDeleteugg--- i have not good advice about sleeping issues etc. my mantra is if it's not broken, why fix it?
I do know a family that had their kid sleep upright in their car seat for 7 plus mo. b/c it worked!!
I had isabel sleep upright in the bubble chair for quite awhile...just cuz I was freaked out by the possibility of acid reflux. :)
thinking of you!
I forgot to mention why spacing feedings is so important, but E did. When babies first start nursing they get foremilk - it is at the very end of a feeding that they get the rich hind-milk. This is so important for their growth. I learned when I was nursing my infant to stop crying that she wasn't getting the hind-milk (cause I was feeding her every 1 and 1/2 hours). So she WAS hungry more often. (It is kind of like what we adults do with a sugar fix - we eat, say, only a doughunt for breakfast. Within an hour, we are really hungry and experiencing low blood sugar. Infants who are only getting the foremilk are getting the "quick sugar fix" so to speak.) Spacing out the feedings lets them actually be hungry enough to persevere to the hind-milk. Then my baby was full and lasted longer. And she was happy instead of fussy!
ReplyDeleteJust so you know, Prevacid tends to be one of the more effective GER meds when it comes to the little ones.
ReplyDeleteThank you all! You have each given me amazing advice and a lot to think about. And I needed to be reminded that I need to do what works best for us.
ReplyDeleteYou have also inspired me to read a book (and I'm not a big reader!). I'm going to try a book I got for Christmas, which a couple of you recommended, yay! - Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.
About the wrap - I am the worst Moby wrapper ever! Actually I think I'm finally starting to get the hang of it but he doesn't love it yet. I'm still going to keep trying though.
And I meant to include it in the post, but one reason I think I may be overfeeding is that despite spitting up tons, he is still gaining like crazy. He's up four lbs since birth and doesn't seem to be slowing down any time soon!
I'm so sorry K! Are they sure Luke doesn't have more food sensitivities than just dairy?? Maggs gets sick if I have any obvious corn or soy. Even lesser corn and soy ingredients in enough quantity can make her sick. She had "colic" until I figured out all that she was sensitive to and got them out of my diet.
ReplyDeleteHang in there! I'm praying for you.
You're doing a great job managing your two little ones, K! Hang in there and TRUST yourself. That's my biggest problem right now - indecisiveness. I need to make decisions and stick to them and not feel bad. Easier said than done!
ReplyDeleteSleeping in bouncy seat - we totally did that with Dommie for at least two months because he slept SOOO good! It's ok! Definitely helps with digestion.
As for the reflux and allergy questions, I would see a specialist if you can. After seeing a ped GI and ped allergist in these past two days, I can tell you our pediatrician knows very little about all this. Specialists do. Just a thought if you can get to one, or two!
Yes, I loved that healthy sleep habits book. I need to go read it myself because we're having sleep issues with that darn swaddle blanket! It's a love/hate relationship that we can't end.
Hang in there! Email me if you want to call me to chat!
I just posted on sleep, so see if that is helpful at all. Hang in there, I know about refluxy babies and it is hard! Def want you to try the next medicine-prevacid was it for us. My doc doesnlt believe in colic-says is usually reflux but sometimes milk allergy protein, there is an answer. I think you are right to push for this. I should add that AJ def spit up b/c I fed him too much. I did that at least 4 weeks of his life. It was 100% due to an overful belly-he would cough choke and then spit up a bunch, not like a little regular spit up. I use a pacifier to soothe my babies. It sounds like you are going through exactly what I went through last month and I was a mess. Hang in there, try the new med and feeding less, and I bet you will find less and less need for feeding to comfort.
ReplyDeleteWe use a sound machine too and it keeps us from tiptoeing around the house. Even Charlie still has one. A little cd player with a cd called "for crying out loud" with tracks like rain, heartbeat, vacuum cleaner, hair dryer and ocean waves.
ReplyDeleteYou have gotten a lot of good advice, but I thought I would mention how I stopped nursing my girls to sleep.
ReplyDeleteBasically, as he starts to fall asleep, take your finger and put it in the corner of his mouth and unlatch him. If he cries, put him back on and try again. Repeat until he ends up falling asleep off the breast.
It gets easier and easier, and it definitely worked with my girls!
I hope you can get the reflux figured out!
Praying for you!
Some people will disapprove, but this website is a godsend:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.babywisemom.com/
The Babywise and Baby Whisperer series are the reason I am sane with a 2.5 yo and a 6 month old. They both have great sleep habits and are therefore alert, happy babies. Everyone comments on how lucky I am to have such great babies, but I know it's not luck. (I do not let my babies cry and cry. Fussiness and crying are different. My 6 month old fusses for 2 minutes, tops, when I put him down for a nap. Usually, he just falls right to sleep.)
Do yourself and your babies a favor and research at that website for a little while. The woman who writes it is not the Babywise author, but is very thorough and amazing. God bless you!
You've gotten tons of advice but I wanted to remind you that most people who have been in your shoes did not have two babies 12 months apart. Remember to take that into consideration! What other people did with a newborn I couldn't always do since I had an 11-month old as well. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do just to survive - I know I did. But there comes a point where the survival days will turn into long-term life and you have to make changes that will take you from surviving to thriving (I mean that as encouragement!). Has anyone suggested or have you considered a chiropractor? A friend just took her little girl who was very fussy since birth, spit up a lot and she said it has made all the difference. I took both of mine since they were infants. You are a GREAT mom!!
ReplyDeleteI believe that children can learn to self sooth at a very young age. Per my amazing pediatrician's advice, I start allowing my babies to cry for brief periods of time when they are around 6 weeks old (and they weigh at least 10 pounds!). Learning to sleep properly is a very important skill, so don't beat yourself up over some crying and basic attempts to help a child sleep well! You need to do what works for you and your family. Luke is a very important part of your family, but he is not the centerpiece. I have to remind myself of this all the time when I have an infant.
ReplyDeleteI recommend both the Babywise book (although it is a bit rigid!) and the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I understood the sleep/wake habits of my children much better after reading these books.
And may I add, as the mother of 4 children, it is very important to teach our children to sleep well! If a baby wasn't nursing well, we would work to figure out the problem and fix it. We should do the same with sleep. Teaching a child to sleep is a process, so a 2 month old should not be crying for long periods of time, but it is important to work towards a healthy sleep routine, and that will involve some crying!
You are a great mom. It is so hard to be caring for two babies. Go easy on yourself, and remember to pray for help when times are difficult!
I've just got a couple of minutes, so I didn't get a chance to read all of the comments . . . and Sarah didn't have reflux or colic, so with that disclaimer, we loved The Happiest Baby on the Block, too. I'm giving it to everyone as a shower gift. We watched the DVD, which I thought was really helpful because we could see what he was talking about. And I let her sleep wherever she could sleep (the swing!). And I nursed her to sleep all the time for ages (um . . . almost an entire year, unless I had to go in to the office, in which case my husband or the babysitter walked or rocked her). And we coslept until two weeks ago, and only started serious sleep training then, at 18 months. So, my two cents are to do whatever works for you, and whatever will get everyone concerned the most sleep. Every family's different, and every baby's different. (Oh, and we're using The Sleep Lady's Good Night, Sleep Tight, which I am loving--and she actually says in the book that she doesn't care what particular system people use, as long as they're consistent because consistency is the key.)
ReplyDeleteI really recommend the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child book and followed the advice in there, along with the 5 s's from Happiest Baby on the Block. I really think letting him sleep swaddled in his swing could be a lifesaver for you and for him...the more he sleeps the happier he will be. DON'T worry about where he is sleeping right now...do what works.
ReplyDeleteAs far as crying to get him to sleep, I would try things (other than feeding) before I would let him cry. Pacifier, swaddle, white noise machine, swing!!! Bella slept in that at night from 6-10 weeks old and it was the only way she would sleep for more than an hour.
As far as your eye infection. I got an infected eye lid the week before Christmas and it was horribly painful and I looked aweful..so much for pictures of me with Bella on her first Christmas. I ended up going to the Dr and getting a topical antibiotic. It helped, but takes about 7 days to see improvment.
Praying for you.
Hi, this is the first time for me to leave a comment but I have been reading your blog for over a year. I was so pleased with you for your Christmas adoption miracle last year! I have also been struggling with infertility and endometriosis. Just last December, we had an adoption miracle too and were able to adopt a 2-month-old girl. She is now four months.
ReplyDeleteRegarding sleep, obviously you will do what makes sense for you and whta fits with your personality. Personally, I have been using the Baby whisperer (similar to BabyWise but minus the crying it out) and have found there to be a lot of progress (though not as much as I would like). It is a struggle to keep my little one on a structured routine because we live in Africa as missionaries and there are always interruptions - but it has been getting better. Still no sleeping through the night, but we are working on it. Also I have often been a total wreck when I start listening to wrong thoughts in my mind, like 'if she doesn't sleep until x o'clock my whole day will be ruined' and other catastrophic thinking. A huge amount of our attitude is determined by the things we tell ourselves subconsciously. I have been working on that and seeing some improvement. You sound like you are already much more at peace with things in general. All the best!
I am going to go out on a limb here and say that there isn't a book out there that will solve your problems overnight. You just have to work through them with each child. I think some things work well for some children but not for others. With the exception of when she was very, very young, L HATED and I mean HATED being worn in a sling of any kind. Trust me, we tried them all. We tried her in all different positions. She just didn't like feeling so confined and tight up against me. You could tell it made her feel claustrophobic. Also, when she was tired, she just needed to be put down and shut the door. I had to learn this the hard way. I tried so hard to make her "fit" into the attachment parenting paradigm bc thats what I wanted, and what I thought was best for her.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea if this next child will be different, but I do know that its going to be hard, there's no getting around it. You are doing a great job, and the fact that you have hard days is perfectly normal!!
I am still nursing my almost-five-month-old whenever she wants. She nurses for 3 hours in a row for nap time and for 4 hours in a row in the evening (about 8pm-midnight). She sleeps about 7-8 hours at night, so I encourage that cluster feed. She snacks the rest of the time during the day. I nurse her to sleep. I worried so much about sleep training with my oldest, but it was so much time-intensive work and only lasted for a month before separation anxiety kicked in and our only option was to cry it out. I won't let a little one cry it out until 9 months. That is when they understand that you are still in the house even if they can't see you. Honestly, I probably won't do cry it out for her until she is closer to a year. I wish I had spent more time holding my oldest and rocking him to sleep. He still doesn't sleep well at 2 years:-( Our baby just loves to be held and I'm trying to enjoy this time while it lasts. I can teach her to sleep on her own when she is older. I wanted control and order so much with my son, and I got it, but I wonder at what cost. Would he sleep better now if I hadn't worried? Probably not, but I don't worry about her sleeping pattern (or lack thereof). We do have a basic routine for our day, but it is flexible. As long as their diapers get changed, our toddler gets a nap, and we all get fed when we need it then the rest works out.
ReplyDeleteLittle ones just spit up a lot. A pediatric gastroenterologist (sp?) told us that it peaks at four months and fades after that. As long as your doctor isn't worried, you are probably OK. Oh, and I am still using a "sleeper" that has an incline, not a bassinet. I'm going to transition her this weekend--and she is almost 5 months old! So don't worry, not all babies need to be in a bassinet. As long as they are securely on their back than I wouldn't worry. Five months is when the spitting up starts to slow down anyway, so it is probably best to keep him at an incline and not use a bassinet until then anyway.
I want to chime in and tell you that I have always nursed my babies to sleep, well into toddlerhood... the first time around I was so worried about if I was ruining everything, but now I realize it's the most natural thing in the world, possibly designed exactly for this purpose. I have come to treasure that time, although I clearly remember my early anxiety to get away and get something else done! As the (3) kids grew older it transitioned to me sitting in their room to tell stories, sing and say prayers until they fell asleep. It's so peaceful. Takes a lot of time, but I wouldn't trade it. Not one of them has ever cried it out. Not for us.
ReplyDeleteAll that said, DO read the books, pick up hints for what will help you get where you need to be. Your sanity is important, and you have two babies so young. Then use what works for you!! I made my choices because they brought us all peace and sanity. No choice is without its hardships. But follow your heart and play as if there are no rules. There really aren't :) Do what works. Praying that Luke's reflux issues resolve and that he is more comfortable (and you too!) God bless!
Hi,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to comment re: the reflux issue, if the doc already has him on a med for reflux, you may want to inquire about Prilosec. I recommend this to a lot of people b/c it's the only one that worked for my son after trying three different meds, and some others have said the same. Apparently it is an "acid blocker" whereas the others are "acid reducers" I believe.
Finn was colicky and he's a barfer, too. *Don't* switch side to side when you're nursing with a baby like that, just keep him on one side for the feed. The frequent switching can make him gassy and definitely will make him spit up.
ReplyDeleteI agree that I think 2 months is much too young to cry it out though I personally think giving them 5 or 10 minutes to see what happens is fine. Finn always cried for a few minutes before he fell asleep, he was just a fussy guy!
I would definitely stay far away from the Babywise books. The information is just terrible, the man's adult children hate him because of the way he parented them, and the suggestions on infant feeding in that book have led to failure to thrive for infants as well as serious attachment disorders. (www.ezzo.info has a lot of very heartbreaking stories from well-meaning parents who followed the book).
That said, if it's colic, there's probably not going to be a ton you can do about it. Finn just finally outgrew it (started getting better around 8 weeks, and was pretty much done by 12 weeks). He's a happy guy now, though he does still spit up a lot. He's a "happy spitter" though, so I haven't bothered with meds, I just have to change his (and mine!) clothes a lot, lol!
Hang in there! <3
When my baby was little and very sick with a lot of feeding and digestive problems and I didn't know what to do, I happened upon an interview with Dr. Sears who said there's no such thing as "colic" and that, "Colic is just a 5-letter word for your doctor doesn't know what's wrong with your baby." I fully believe that to be true. As it turns out, my daughter was severely allergic to milk, which we found only after testing her blood.
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