God is good

Another opportunity to sit at my computer must mean that things are still improving. Both babies asleep, my husband at the gym, I'm showered, and we've even had breakfast. The house is quiet.

With the craziness dying down, and sleep coming much more frequently, I've had more of a chance to really savor my moments with my babies. My two babies. I have even found I look forward to my time alone with them when Ryan's at work (shhh! Don't tell him. I'd still like him to think it's really hard).


It's just that in the rush of that newborn stage, time for reflection is at a minimum. It all happens so fast. Baby cries constantly pierce the air. You're a zombie. For a while, Ryan and I didn't even see each other. Both of us awake meant one should be asleep.


But now, with Luke giving us the blessing of several hours of sleep all at once, my mind is clear. I actually feel better than I have in many, many months.

And I can look at my babies and really thank God for his wondrous gifts.


That is, when I can take it all in. Sometimes it's incomprehensible.

But, just like I used to have moments of clarity where the reality of infertility would hit me and I'd think, I'm childless and barren. I'm really infertile, now I have moments where it all suddenly hits me and I think, I'm a mother of two. These are my babies. When did this happen? How?

Motherhood is as wonderful as infertility was terrible.


And it's remarkable how quickly I've forgotten the back pain, the heartburn, the contractions, the inconsolable baby with a dairy allergy. Give me one good night's sleep and I'd sign up to do this ten more times!


We can't even guess what the future holds for our family, but how could I not want more of these faces?



God is so good.