Our day was much more exciting today

Today started out fairly normal.

Clara had her final Toddler Time in Nature class. And it turns out... she loves nature! It became very clear to me I need to get this child out in it more.

There was a lot of this...

And some of this...

And with all that admiring of nature going on, she and her little friend brought up the rear...

Sorry for the blur, but I just love her face

(On a sidenote - In what will be a case of blogs colliding for some of you, the sweet little munchkin behind Clara is another Clara, and is often featured on this widely popular blog written by her very awesome and talented parents.)

We then returned home, I started getting dinner ready for later, and had some lunch. Nothing out of the ordinary. Until I was standing over the stove stirring a sauce and the house started shaking like crazy, like nothing I've ever felt before. And it wasn't stopping.

For some reason an earthquake didn't even cross my mind.

My first thought was that it was the washing machine. But then my brain, realizing in a matter of seconds that it wasn't on, naturally moved on to house exploding. I'm not sure what could cause it to explode, but I was sure it was about to.

With the whole house still shaking, I walked from the kitchen into the living room and saw Luke sitting on the floor and Clara standing near him with a pretty freaked out look on her face.

At this point Ryan was in the room and I'm not sure what I said to him, but I scooped up Luke and headed outside, hoping Ryan would grab Clara. I wasn't going to be in the house when it exploded!

As soon as I looked outside, I saw the windows shaking in the house across the street. It wasn't just us! Just as the shaking stopped, my mind immediately switched from exploding house to earthquake.

That's when one of my neighbors came outside and asked, "So that wasn't just my house?" My sentiments exactly. At that very moment, our dog and cat escaped through the front door (it was bedlam!). I sat Luke in the grass and we chased them down.

Upon returning inside, L from GIMH was calling me and we discussed how freaked out we both were. I don't think I stopped shaking for about ten minutes.

Ryan then left for work, where it was sure to be a busy day for him. He was on the air from 2:30 until 4:30 and we were glued to it at our house.

Turns out the epicenter of the 5.8 quake was about 40 miles from our house. Craziness!

We didn't have any damage, thankfully, and nothing was even out of place except one picture that was off-kilter.

And is anyone else reminded of this cameo appearance by my news-anchor-moonlighting-as-an-actor husband on a now-canceled NBC primetime show? Hopefully today's quake wasn't as mysterious.

So since Ryan wasn't coming home for dinner and emergency rules applied, the kids and I ate in the living room. We also had some fun with laundry baskets...

What a day! And one we'll be recounting for years to come, I'm sure. And here I thought I had nothing exciting to share!

Oh.. and I am having more ice cream tonight. I had vowed to space my sweet indulgences out a bit but, again, emergency rules apply.

Our day

I don't know about you, but I was fascinated by this post. Riveted by it. I wanted to know more. Maybe it was because she, like me, is a stay-at-home mom and I could totally relate. Maybe it was because she wrote humbly about her stresses and seemingly crazy moments during her day as a mom of three under three. Maybe I am just nosy.

I knew I wanted to do my own. Partly because I found hers so helpful that I thought maybe others could relate to mine, and partly to see if perhaps I am busier than I actually think.

But it turns out... I'm not. When I sat down to detail my day, I realized mine was no where near as interesting as Tridentine Wife's! Yes, she has three, much more taxing than my two under two. But still, I should have a jam-packed schedule, shouldn't I?

Instead, my days were filled with tons of down time, not much housework and a lot of help from my husband. I embarrassingly sleep in a lot of days while Ryan gets the kids breakfast. I have absolutely no schedule to speak of. Why did I want to post this again?

Believe it or not, I wrote out the blow-by-blow of TWO days and never posted either. I guess I hoped the second would be better/busier/more impressive. It wasn't.

But then I started thinking. So what? So my husband helps a lot. So I have a lot of down time and my days are sometimes really ordinary. Maybe we don't usually leave the house. Or do neat things. Or do much at all besides playing on the floor in our living room. Maybe someone can relate to that.

Maybe not. But either way, here is how our day went down today...

8:30 - Wake up to Luke crying. Wow, he slept late! Ryan goes to get him, as he does every morning, and brings him to me to nurse in bed.

9:00 - Luke seems full, so I put him back in his crib, and I go back to bed.

9:15 - When Clara's talking/kissing/playing turns into yelling/whining, Ryan gets up to get her. I get up too, since Luke hasn't fallen back asleep.

9:30 - Ryan goes out to mow while I get Luke changed and dressed. Clara and Luke play.

She found whacking him in the head to be very amusing. And, luckily, so did Luke. 

10:00 - After more playing, I try putting Luke down again.

10:30 - Since I'm feeling stressed for no apparent reason (I swear it's hormones), Ryan comes back in and gives the kids breakfast (Luke never fell asleep), while I take a shower. Both kids get fruit, Clara eats two eggs, and Luke has some scrambled egg yolk.

11:00 - I start on dinner by making a pesto sauce. In a total lapse of judgment, I use a quarter pound of parmesan cheese instead of a quarter cup. Oops.

11:30 - I eat a sandwich for breakfast. Or is it lunch at this point? Ryan folds laundry that's been sitting in laundry baskets for days and does more laundry.

12:00 - Luke goes down for a nap yet again. In order to not waste the entire batch of pesto, I decide to head to the grocery store to get TWO more bunches of basil to make up for my mistake. I guess we'll be freezing some!

12:30 - Return from the store to find Luke awake and sitting on Ryan's lap. Attempt number four failed. It's just one of those days! I nurse Luke and then more play time.

Lately Clara will stand at the door, holding a purse, and say, "Bye-bye!"

1:00 - An exhausted Luke goes down for a nap yet again (fingers crossed!). Clara has lunch while I finish the pesto and Ryan finishes mowing. She eats blueberries, banana, and leftover pizza from the night before.

2:00 - Ryan gives Clara a bath and I get her dressed while he showers and gets ready for work. Luke wakes up and he and Clara play.

2:15 - Ryan leaves for work.

2:45 - Clara goes down for her nap, much later than normal. Sometimes if she's happy and playing, I just put it off. The later she naps, the quicker dinner-time seems to come!

3:00 - Luke eats his lunch (a cut-up peach and blueberries) in his high chair while I clean the kitchen and make him some food for the next few days (more peach, which I lightly boil since it wasn't ripe, and sauteed squash cut in bite-size pieces). He is only happy in his high-chair while we're eating if he has food to feed himself, so I'm starting to come up with some ideas beyond blueberries and banana.

3:30 - Luke plays in the living room while I pick up our bedroom and make the bed.

4:00 - Nurse Luke and put him down for a nap.

4:30 - I go on the computer (to start this post actually), but I hear Luke starting to fuss in his crib. He never fell asleep.

4:45 - Luke's fussing gets louder and I go to get him. I nurse him at the computer as I continue typing, until he wants to play with the keyboard.

5:30 - Clara wakes up from her (late) nap and the babies play in the living room while we watch Dada on the news. The three of us share a banana. Clara seems especially fussy and I can see she is getting a molar, so I give her some ibuprofen.

6:30 - As I watch Luke crawling around the room, I realize he can now choose where to go and what to do and it fascinates me to see what he does. He spends a lot of time looking out the front door, one of Clara's favorite spots as well.

6:30 - I work on dinner (making chicken for chicken pesto pasta) while the babies play. I check on them every couple minutes, especially now that Luke is all over the place.

6:45 - I feed Luke some baby food.

7:00 - Crunch time. Change poopy diapers and put on jammies as both babies scream, all while starting water for pasta, getting chicken out of the oven, getting salads ready and making sure everything is ready right at the exact time. As this is happening, Ryan is texting me to tell me he now has to travel for work on Friday, meaning he'll be gone all day.

7:20 - Ryan arrives home for dinner and I hand him Luke as soon as he gets in the door. I work on some last minute preparations for dinner while Ryan gets both babies in their high chairs.

7:30 - As usual, the second I sit down, Clara puts her hands together to pray. Clara eats bow tie pasta with marinara sauce (I didn't try the pesto with her since I wasn't sure about nuts) and chicken, while Luke has squash. After eating most of it, he is clearly exhausted and starts crying mid-bite. I nurse him at the kitchen table as I finish eating. Oh, and the pesto was a success! Ryan raves about it. Good thing, since we're going to be having it a lot in the coming weeks ;)

8:00 - Luke is sound asleep on me so I put him in his crib. Ryan brushes Clara's teeth, puts her to bed, and then he returns to work. As I clean up from dinner, I hear Luke crying in his crib. I told you it was one of those days!

8:15 - I get Luke and nurse him while watching Bachelor Pad. I swear Luke has a thing for prime-time programming.

8:45 - I put Luke back to bed, and I have a good feeling about it this time. Clara, meanwhile, has been jumping in her crib for about 45 minutes now.

9:00 - In our bedroom watching TV and blogging.

9:30 - Ice cream time! Did I mention I can have dairy again? Let's just say I've been making up for lost time ;)

When I knew

Today I took part in a study on infertility. During the phone interview, I recounted my entire experience, from start to finish, and you know what was the only part that made me tear up? When the researcher asked if I ever thought I might be infertile when I was younger and I told her about the first time I knew.

I was a freshman in college, sitting in my dorm room, watching an episode of Party of Five. I remember it was at the very end of the hour, when Kirsten tells Charlie she can't have kids. I remember crying. To this day, although I hadn't watched the scene in years, I could still picture it - it was nighttime, the music was playing, Kirsten was lying down, teary eyed, depressed. I can remember the fear, the heartache I felt for a moment. I remember thinking that being in that character's shoes was the worst thing ever.

I don't think I had ever before contemplated the possibility of not being able to have children until that moment, watching that episode. And then once it became a possibility to me, something that was out there, I just knew. I knew that it was my new worst fear, and I knew it would happen to me. I cried and cried, and my roommate probably thought I was nuts (she was my friend from home, though, so she already knew I was nuts).

That scene has always stuck with me, and recalling it would make me well up with tears. So today, after getting choked up recounting the episode (and being totally fine talking about the five years of infertility we dealt with, oddly enough), I decided to google it. I had tried before with no luck, but this time I found it. Skip ahead to 5:48 to watch the exact part I'm talking about:



She was sad. I don't know what it is about that word, but I just feel like it really sums it up. Yes, I was jealous, bitter, angry, depressed... I could go on and on and on. But something about being sad just captures it all. Sadness was really my predominate emotion during those five years. It's so simple, yet so complex.

I don't remember the first time I got worried that I wasn't yet pregnant, or the first time a doctor mentioned infertility. But I have always remembered this episode. I think it's because for me, this was the first time I knew.

So nine years before I would discover I was infertile, before I knew what it was really like to be in that character's shoes, and fourteen years before I would have a nearly six-year-long struggle behind me, somehow those two minutes struck a chord in me. And for some reason, they still do.

Interesting conversation

My neighbor (who we talk to only a few times a year, yelling across the street from our respective yards): Those aren't babies anymore!

Me (holding Luke, with Clara nearby): Ya... they're getting big!

Neighbor: We're expecting another one!

Me: Oh, congratulations!

Neighbor: And I just got fixed...

Me: (Stunned for a moment) I hope that happened after the pregnancy! Ha ha ha.

Neighbor: We thought we had done it in time, but apparently we didn't!

Me: (Nervous laugh) Huh... Well, congratulations!


This couple has three (I think?) kids already so this will be the fourth. Talk about close calls! That kid got in just in the knick of time.

And, yes, my response was pretty lame, but it wasn't exactly what I expected him to tell - or, rather, yell - to me in the middle of our neighborhood.

I've been thinking about it a lot, and of course I'm against getting "fixed" as a practicing Catholic, someone who is open to life, and as a former-infertile. But I've been trying to look at it from their perspective. I would have to guess they don't have a lot of money; our neighborhood isn't exactly wealthy. And I am willing to bet that their family of five is seen as rather large in their world. Their house is exactly like ours (if not a tiny bit bigger), so their kids have to already share rooms and a fourth will crowd it even more.

The idea of accepting as many children as God would give them is probably a foreign concept to them, I'm guessing. I know it is to the world at large. Lately, we have told quite a few people that that's our stance, and it's always met with curiosity, amazement or shock.

Case in point... We were at a wedding a couple months ago, sitting at a table full of my husband's co-workers, when talk turned to our family size.

Co-worker: Karey, now that you've had Luke, how many more do you want to have?

Me: As many as God gives us.

Co-worker: Haha.. no, really.

Me: No, really. As many as God give us. That could be ten, or that could be two.

Co-worker: I thought Ryan was kidding when he told us that!

(Aw, my husband talks about being open to God's will for our family, even when I'm not around. I love him!)

I actually didn't mind at all that that co-worker asked me about it. He seemed genuinely interested. And I also don't mind when people are surprised, as everyone at the table was. I know we live in a world where accepting as many children as God gives you is shocking. Now, I probably wouldn't enjoy being met with disgust, but that hasn't happened yet.

Although, I have had the "better you than me" remarks from strangers in the mall who see my double stroller with two little babies. They have even glared, in a way that would imply they are seeing my lovable little angels in a negative light.

But that's okay.

I take it all in stride. I'm just glad I have my babies for people to make those remarks about. I'm glad we have our fertility in tact (at least what there may be of it). I'm glad we have been taught about being open to life. And I'm glad we are open to life.

In the world we live in, it's so easy to not see the beauty in that.

It's all a blessing.

On homeschooling

With Clara only a few months away from turning two, I think about her education often, and Luke's as well. Here's where we stand right now: I would love for her to attend a Catholic school, but we can't afford tuition (especially since we'll have two going back-to-back). I would like to homeschool, but don't think I'm cut out for it. And despite having attended public school from kindergarten through twelfth grade myself, a public education makes me nervous for a few reasons (some of which might not be rational, I will admit, but based on very personal experiences), not the least of which is the liberal agenda that I believe many public school educations include. That all being said, I have a number of thoughts swirling around in my head and I figured my blog was a great place to jot them down. I will, though, add that I am not debating different forms of education here. I'm just sorting through my thoughts as we make a very personal decision for our children.

I am in awe of homeschooling moms. It is so outside my skill set, that it's even hard for me to comprehend.

The problem with that is I wish with every fiber of my being that I could be one of them. And I've seriously contemplated trying - my tentative plan (based on nothing but my own hair-brained idea) is to homeschool Clara for preschool and then do a year of homeschool kindergarten the year before she would actually start kindergarten. She has a December birthday, so she'll start late anyways, so it would be a way to see if I could hack it. 

But I'm starting to wonder if homeschooling is going to be possible. 

Here's why...

First off, I hate reading. I know I'm in the minority and it's even taboo to admit that (I'm sure some of you will immediately think less of me!), but it's the truth. I can't concentrate enough to read and I don't feel like I retain anything. It causes me great stress, therefore I don't do it. Once a year (or, probably more accurately, once every other year) I'll read a book (fiction) and love it, but that's it. 

So... not only does not being an avid reader make it difficult to prepare (I can't imagine reading books on how to homeschool), but how am I supposed to turn my kids on to reading? I shouldn't be the one teaching them about books. I don't want them to be like me. Life is easier for those who loves to read (or at least that's what I assume). And honestly, I don't know anything about literature, so there goes that. 

Second, I am unmotivated, scatterbrained and continuously fatigued. I don't have any sort of routine and I tend to do things whenever I happen to remember to. I can't imagine making sure we get everything done we have to do, especially with (God willing) younger babies to tend to. I know so many others do it, but I don't think I can. I'm exhausted mothering two right now. I couldn't imagine these two, plus homeschooling an older sibling or two as well. 

Third, I just don't think I'm smart enough. I used to be pretty smart when I was younger, but I swear I get less intelligent every year. I can't understand things like I used to. I listen to others talk and debate and I am just lost (or maybe it's that I'm disinterested?). 

Fourth, I hated education. You know those people who get advanced degrees because they just love learning and hate the thought of leaving the academic world? Ya, that's not me. I always did great in school, always near the top, if not the top of my class, but I hated every minute of it (well, everything besides socialization). I just didn't like learning and couldn't wait to be finished with it. I would do homework at the absolute last minute and never study for tests. I can count on one hand the number of times I enjoyed learning (a couple semesters of high school math, come to mind). So with such a negative attitude about school, I just don't think I'm the best person to teach my children. 

Fifth, even when I dream about homeschooling, I never see myself doing it for high school. Even on my good, confident days, it seems ridiculous to think I could teach them high school level classes. Yet, if you go by my reasons to not send them to public school (which I know I haven't really spelled out yet.. sorry!), then high school would be one of the most important times to homeschool. If I'm just going to have to send them to a public high school anyways (even if we could afford Catholic elementary school, there's no way we could afford high school), why am I bothering to homeschool at all?

So those are the reasons that come to mind tonight. Sometimes I think, "Okay, I can do this.. we'll just do our best version of it and it might not be perfect, but I'm sure I'm not the first person with my personality type to homeschool..." and then I read posts about homeschooling and realize I would be so out of my league. I don't understand the language. It makes my head spin. And shouldn't it get me excited? 

You're probably reading this thinking, why is she even considering it then? Well, I want to homeschool. I want to be that person who can. I want my kids to be homeschooled. And until a couple days ago, I thought I could. I thought I could because I saw no other option. I was just going to do it. 

But then I talked with my husband the other night, and he reminded me of his position on it - that he just doesn't want to put that on me. Well, that's nice of him but, again, I didn't see any other option. 

Today, though, I thought about it more and more. Maybe I am trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. Maybe I'm not cut out for homeschooling. And maybe that's okay. 

As soon as I let open that crack, the stress started to melt away. Maybe God has something different in mind for our family. Or maybe not. We'll just have to see where He leads us. 

We have a lot of time to think about it. Maybe I'll eventually come to a place where I can homeschool. I don't know. But, in the meantime, I have a lot of time to pray we can somehow send them to Catholic school!

A few updates

Just living life over here in our little world. Here's what we've been up to...

* It took Luke until his sixth tooth to bite me while nursing. Sweet little boy. And when I scream, he just looks up at me, curiously, and gets a big smile on his face. Not a I-just-bit-you-and-I-think-it's-funny-you're-in-pain smile, of course, but a I'm-just-happy-and-love-you-and-like-to-smile smile. And then the pain suddenly disappears... until he bites me a minute later.

Luckily, I have figured out a pattern - he only bites when I nurse him after he's been chewing food, like blueberries or puffs. He's just in that mode. So, it's safe to say, I am no longer nursing him after he's been chewing!

* I don't believe I've posted any pictures from our trip to the Pittsburgh Zoo and Aquarium on either of my blogs. And I can't deprive the blog world of a few zoo trip pictures! Ha ha ha...

LOVE our stroller.

Clara now stops everything when a commercial for our local zoo comes on and says, "woah!" Guess where we'll be heading soon :)

* Luke is pulling up in his crib. He gets himself up, then just stands there and cries. He doesn't know how to get back down, or maybe just doesn't want to (he only does it at the side of the crib closest to the door... he is definitely calling to us!). The poor guy has bruises all over his head from the process of pulling up in the dark.

Notice the pink sheet. You can tell he's got a big sister.

I'm hoping this phase doesn't last too long, but it's already gone on longer than I expected (we're in the process of trying to get him to sleep as I type.. he keeps pulling up and crying, we keep laying him back down). He's getting a lot of practice pulling up during the day, but it doesn't seem to be helping just yet. 

* Clara is getting a molar. Last night we had some "family time" around 1 a.m. when Luke was up and then Clara woke up screaming in pain. The four of us watched an episode of Backyardigans and Clara had some Baby Motrin, followed by a popsicle. Perfect antidote to teething! Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. 

* We had a big prayer answered today and we are so grateful. I have to admit, I wasn't sure we'd hear a "yes" on this one. Even when I prayed, I felt like I was asking for too much. But, lo and behold, we were blessed today. Thank you, God.

* Anyone know if this means anything in baby sign language?

Clara started doing it recently and, yes, it more than likely is just that she likes to move her arms like that. But she only does it when we're talking about the other signs she knows ("more" and "all done"), so it got me wondering. It wouldn't be the first time she knew something I didn't know she knew. 

* I cannot wait for L from GIMH's baby to get here! I am so excited. I can't wait to meet the little babe and to snuggle her him/her! I was in our attic today getting down some newborn girl clothes for her (just in case) when I had the realization that I am the sort of person who has baby clothes in my attic. When did that happen? Anyway, I can't wait to hear the good news, so please join me in praying for the baby's birth, the birthmother's health and well-being, safe travel for L and her family, and for that sweet baby to come home safe and sound. 

Overdue

So I'm long overdue in sharing this, but better late than never!

As some of you may know, I am not the only blogger in the family. My husband has a political news blog that he writes as part of his job as a news anchor and reporter here in Richmond. He's really, really great at what he does and has scored some pretty big interviews (um.. the president).

Being the humble guy that he is, he likes to say that he's just in the right place at the right time.

But I know that he hasn't gotten where he is simply because of timing. He's driven, extremely hardworking (working from home all the time, I might add), and has carved out his own path. No one handed him this blog; he started it from the ground up and grew it to where it is today by asking the important players the tough questions and breaking news that gets attention on the national level.

Thankfully, he's getting some much deserved attention as of late, and was recently named as one of Politico's 50 Politicos to Watch. Others on the list with him - Fred Thompson, David Gregory and Mark Knoller. Pretty good company!

They wrote a glowing article on him that we got to read for the first time at a big swanky party in D.C. announcing this year's list. And we were surprised, to say the least, when we opened the magazine and saw how he was really highlighted with the article and a huge photo as well.

The party was a lot of fun. Definitely a change of pace from what I'm normally doing on a Thursday night (and thanks to fellow-blogger GIMH for watching my babies!). I got to get dressed up, and we spent the evening people-watching (some very big media celebrities were on hand!) and soaking up the hip atmosphere (and open bar!).

We took home some goody bags (which had some delicious chocolate chip cookies that got us through the drive up north the next day!) and got enough copies of the magazine to give our family.

I'm just so proud of Ryan for this huge accomplishment. And for working so hard for his family!