What my pain could be, and a recipe

So it's safe to say that I've spent a lot of time thinking about what my recent pain could be (I had more pain when I woke up today, but it's gotten better since then). After much googling, I've come up with a few possibilities. Don't you love self-diagnosis?

Let's start with what we really, really hope it is (this is very unlike me, so brace yourself). It could be implantation pain, since it is in the window for that to be happening and there are many sensations women describe during the time when implantation was occuring - from shooting pain, to dull cramping, to a gurgling feeling (I'd cite my sources, but they were mainly those questions posted on yahoo answers or in forums that came up when I searched "implantation pain." I know, real accurate). It also could be general pain often experienced in very early pregnancy. I've heard/read where many women say they had cramping and even felt like they were getting their period for many days leading up to their positive pregnancy test. Keep in mind, I'm not saying I'm pregnant! I'm just listing the possibilities. And trying to be hopeful.

On the negative side, the pain could be many things, including gas (a possibility), a cyst (also a possibility, but I've had cysts in the past and never had any pain), endometriosis (let's hope not), or pain due to follicles filling with water or something like that (not sure about this, just read it online).

And, probably the most likely option - unexplained cramping. After I get my period in a little more than a week, I'll probably just look back and wonder what the heck it was. Perhaps I'll ask my doctor about it in the future, and perhaps he will say it was just my body getting used to being healthy. Who knows.

Enough about that. Our second home study meeting is tomorrow. This could be the meeting in which we talk about discipline, so I am probably going to call my mom and ask for advice tonight! I'm sure I'll be good at disciplining my kids, but it's just not something you think about before you even have them! I even considered watching Super Nanny the other night just to get some pointers, but it was ending when I caught it. Darn! Anyone have any suggestions of what would be good to say?

Tonight we are going to work on paperwork, like printing out our credit reports, finding old addresses, that sort of thing. Everything isn't due tomorrow, but we want to bring with us the background check paperwork since that needs to be mailed by our agency to two different states.

In other news, I am super excited that tomorrow I'll be able to go grocery shopping! I've been looking forward to Tuesday for more than a week now, since we sort of ran out of grocery money way ahead of time. My husband gets paid tomorrow, so I'm heading straight to the grocery store. I have to say I've done a pretty good job of getting by with the few things we had in the fridge and cupboards, but the down side is that I've been eating a lot of carbs, since that's usually what is laying around or can be made from ingredients we have. I need fresh fruit and vegetables! I'm going to plan out our menu tonight and make up a list. I've never been so excited to get groceries before, that's for sure.

Speaking of food, Becky asked me to post my recipe for Chicken Lo Mein I came up with the other day. In my opinion, it's really good, even if you're not on a diet, although I highly recommend making it in the morning to eat that night, or making it the night before and eating it the next day. It's much better after it sits a while!

And that's a picture of it from when I made it the other day, although I can't figure out if it looks appetizing here or not. It looks good to me, but that is because I know how yummy it is!

I just pretty much made it up as I went along, so it's not exact, and it very well may be the most informal recipe you've ever read. Here it is:

Chicken Lo Mein

Ingredients: Box of mushrooms, garlic cloves (3-4, or to taste), 1 cup broccoli slaw (if you can't find this at the store, you could thinly slice cabbage, celery and carrots), store-bought roaster chicken, soy sauce, stir-fry sauce, cooking wine, oil, garlic powder, salt, pepper

Directions: In oil (I used canola, but next time will get sesame), saute mushrooms, garlic and something called broccoli slaw (I found it in the grocery store and got it because it looked like the stuff in take-out lo mein. It's basically like the raw stuff you use to make cole slaw [obviously minus the mayo at this point] but rather than being mainly cabbage, it was broccoli. It looked like cabbage though). Add some salt, pepper and garlic powder.

Cut up/pull apart chicken from a roaster chicken and add it in to the veggies (I like the roaster chicken better than cooking my own chicken breasts, because, if this makes sense, it is softer that way and absorbs the sauces better).

After vegetables have sauteed a few minutes, add a little bit of soy sauce and stir-fry sauce (it's a sauce called "Stir-fry Sauce" and adds a bit of sweetness to it). I also added a teeny tiny bit of Marsala wine to one side of the pan (mainly because many online recipes call for wine and it was the only kind I had) and let the wine cook off before mixing it in. Next time I might add a little bit more. Any sort of wine could probably be used.

Meanwhile, cook whole wheat spaghetti and after the veggies cooked down, I mixed the spaghetti (probably half to 3/4 of the box) in to the veggie mixture and saute it all together for a little while, while also adding a tiny bit more soy and stir-fry sauce, to taste. Add more salt, pepper, and garlic powder, to taste.

I was worried I didn't have enough soy sauce, but the little bit I did have ended up being more than enough (I would say maybe a quarter cup. The stir-fry sauce I just drizzled over everything a couple times). I even added extra spaghetti because it was a little too strong for me. You can play around with the amounts in this recipe.

You can eat immediately, but it is much better the next day after the flavors have been allowed to seep into the vegetables, spaghetti and the chicken.

Post-ovulation pain

Well, I woke up with some odd pains and I'm not sure what they're from.

I had some bad cramping while I was still in bed, and had a hard time getting up. When I finally got out of bed and started to get ready for church, it was clear that the pain was in my lower abdomen, in the middle. It was pretty bad, and got worse in waves. I had a hard time getting ready and was, of course, late. During Mass, the pain got a little better and by then I was beginning to also have some pain near my sides.

Then, once I got back home, the pain changed again, and was more like a muscular pain all throughout my abdomen. It's as if I did a ton of sit-ups yesterday, and, I can assure you, I did not!

I've had pain far worse than this, so it's not a huge deal. I'm just more curious what it is. Of course, I like when anything new happens, so I'm hoping these symptoms are a good sign. It's cycle day 22, and I probably have about a week and a half left in the two-week wait. I'm not as hungry today as I was the past few days, and I actually feel a little bloated, although I've lost a little more weight.

On a related subject, I've been considering actually having some hope this cycle, because I figure that can only help. Don't studies show that hope/laughter/less stress is proven to help people who are sick? Then I'd have to believe the same is true for those of us with infertility! And it would definitely please God, so it can't hurt (well, it can hurt us emotionally, but maybe that's a way that God wants me to die to self. I'll have to explore that more later).

I think, for me, it needs to be a conscious, calculated effort. I don't tend to let myself have hope unless I try to do it on purpose. I don't know, we'll see. It might take a few months to get there. Although, I'm also worried that my hope will decrease after each failed cycle, while, actually, the opposite should be true. I'm probably getting healthier and more "normal" all the time, so I probably have a greater chance of getting pregnant after a few months than I do now.

It'll definitely be a work in progress. For now, I'm going to rest and try not to move too much. Have a great rest of your weekend!

Cycle update and whatever else is on my mind

I haven't been feeling too well lately. As I tried to fall asleep last night I had horrible stomach cramps. I thought for sure a stomach bug was coming on. I was convinced I'd be throwing up all night, it was that bad. But I never did. I woke up with some more cramping, but not as bad.

The thing that worries me is that nearly every morning I wake up with cramping. I'm worried it's the endometriosis coming back. And that's not me being a pessimist, because I sincerely haven't been looking for it and never thought it would come back. I'm just not sure what else could be wrong. If I had to guess where it is, I'd say on my intestines because the pain is lower-GI pain. When I had my two surgeries, Dr. H never detected any there, which surprised me because my pain just felt like it was coming from there.

Well, anyways, I have felt slightly nauseous all day today. It could be that the end of my cycle is nearing. I am on day 28, I think, and lately near the end of my cycles I, at worst, get nauseous and, at best, don't have an appetite. So it could be that. That being said, is nausea at the end of a cycle normal? Is it a sign of something? I'll have to add it to the list of questions for my doctor.

Speaking of this cycle, it has been pretty normal, which is good! I am currently nine days post-peak. I had severals days of good mucus lasting until mid-cycle, my temperature went up on my peak day, and then I had several non-mucus days while my temp stayed up. A couple interesting things to note, though. First, on the third day after my peak day, my temp dropped dramatically. It went from 98.2 to 96.8, which is way lower than my pre-peak temps which normally hover around 97.7. Nothing was out of the ordinary that morning and I did not take it earlier than normal. The very next day it went back up to 98.2 and stayed at that level until this morning, when it went up to 98.5. Also, yesterday I saw a very, very small amount of spotting, but it is gone today. That's not uncommon, as I will often have spotting every other day at the end of a cycle. Hopefully my dr. will give me something for low progesterone at my next visit, or whatever they give you to treat that problem (antibiotics?).

I've also been thinking about adoption lately. I got really upset last night, asking why God would want me to not only suffer infertility, but apparently doesn't want us to adopt right now either. I'm really praying hard that God can put it on my heart. But, in the end, if I am opening myself up to God's will, praying for it, and do not feel like that is where He is leading me, then I have to respect that. Just because something is "good" and "honorable" doesn't mean He wants that for us; if that were the case then he'd have answered my prayers with a pregnancy by now! So while it may appear that it's my problem that I'm not coming around to the idea of adoption, that would be taking God out of the equation.

But adoption differs from infertility in that it is within our control to just do it, and that somewhat complicates things. If I wanted to, I could walk into an adoption agency today, get the paper work, and start the process. And would God be upset with us for that? Most people would say no. So am I silly to just wait around for a sign from the heavens? How do I know if I am interpreting His will for me correctly? Am I letting my own hesitations and selfish desires for a biological child get in the way of discerning what God's will for me is? My husband is ready to adopt today and in a way, I am robbing him of being a parent by putting this off. God is apparently putting it on his heart to adopt, so should that supersede the absence of a clear feeling on my part? It's so confusing!

With all that in mind, we went to adoration last night. I didn't walk out with any clearer picture, but hopefully God will continue to help us come to a decision. I have just felt an overwhelming feeling for a couple years now that we are supposed to wait. And I'd like to think we're supposed to wait because I'll be pregnant soon, but I also know we might be waiting because the child we are supposed to adopt has not yet been conceived. I'm just going to continue to trust God and keep an open mind and heart. That's all I can do!

In other news, I'm going to a McCain/Palin rally tomorrow! I'm so excited. I'll get to see Sarah Palin in person and my primary goal is to get her to take a picture with my friend's baby. Last time I went to one of these things, I shook McCain's hand, so it's not out of the question I'd get up close. I tend to find a way to do that in situations like this. But this time there will be way more people there. They've already had to move the event because of the overwhelming response for tickets, so it's going to be packed. Check back tomorrow evening for pictures!!