Just when I thought I'd heard it all...

In all my nearly five years of infertility - four years and eight months to be exact - I thought I had experienced it all. There have been the uncomfortable conversations, the cliche comments, hurtful remarks from people who just didn't think, people who pity you, people who avoid the elephant in the room, etc., etc. For the most part, I've had a pretty high tolerance for these things. I have never minded discussing infertility with people (I see it as a chance to witness and an opportunity to lift the stigma attached to it) and I understand that when someone says something cliche (you know, "just relax") that they are only trying to help. I politely answer when people I have just met ask if I have any kids and when I say no, continue pressing about why. And I even know that when someone says something that would be considered inappropriate to say in the presence of an infertile woman (perhaps a mother complaining about her many kids or her ease at getting pregnant), I know that they aren't seeing the world through the eyes of an infertile woman and I can't blame them for that.

No, I have taken it all in stride and for whatever reason, it has never bothered me. Until now.

For the first time, someone has thrown my infertility in my face for the sole purpose of a comeback.

Here's what happened - My husband has an acquaintance who I'll call "S". He worked with him about five years ago and was always nice to this man, despite the fact that he was in and out of jail and lived what some would consider a shady lifestyle. Ryan kind of played the big brother role to him; he wasn't afraid to speak his mind and tell him to shape up his life (he had a baby with his girlfriend around this time) and S seemed to respond positively to this and seemed to have a great deal of respect for Ryan. S even continued to call him periodically over the last few years, often wanting to meet up whenever he drove through our area.

Well, fast forward to this past week. Apparently, S made a negative comment about another former co-worker of theirs who had just lost his job. Ryan defended this other person and basically told S to lay off. Well, that set S off (this is all over email, by the way) and he ripped into Ryan, saying that everyone they worked with always treated him like crap and looked down on him, even Ryan. And then he says something I never thought anybody would ever say to one of us. He says that while he may have a baby out of wedlock, at least he has one, and then says, and I quote, "How's having a kid going for you???"

Yes, he actually wrote that.

Someone actually made fun of my infertility.

I know he didn't say it to me, to my face, but he might as well have. It felt like I got punched in the stomach when I heard that (Ryan told me about it, then regretted it, although I'm glad he did). I mean, really...who says something like that? Never in all these years has someone used my infertility against me (or Ryan) with malicious intent. And why? Because adults don't do that! Even people who hate each other wouldn't say something like that. It's like a social code or something!

I know this person's words should mean nothing to me. They change nothing and they mean nothing. And it's not like I didn't already know I'm infertile, so him pointing it out isn't exactly a shocker. It's more that I'm absolutely stunned that a grown man would use it to purposely hurt my husband.

It also makes me realize that while he is the first person to say it to us, there have probably been others who have thought it. I can't imagine that this guy is the first person to use my infertility to make himself feel superior to us. I'm sure someone who didn't like me or Ryan for whatever reason has had the thought, "Ha ha! They can't have kids! Serves them right!"

I have thought about that before, especially in the world of face.book. Not that I have tons of enemies, but there are always people who don't like you. Now I just picture them reveling in my ill fortune.

But, as I said before, none of that should matter. I know this. I just had to share with you all that when I thought I'd experienced everything there was to experience with infertility, there was actually a lower depth of hurtfulness still out there. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

I also pray for this man because he obviously has some issues. God help him.