So I'm watching Oprah. I should know better, but it's on the t.v. at my parents' house so I started watching. Not surprisingly she's talking about a subject somewhat related to infertility (I feel like every time I happen to watch that show it's about infertility... or dogs) and, of course, it started out about how great sperm donation is. Then, to my huge surprise, she brought on four women who were conceived with sperm donation and not all had great things to say about it (there "other" side is rarely presented, so this was shocking). Some talked about being deprived of the basic right to know their history and who both of their parents are. One woman even said, "I felt like I was a product." That makes me sad.
Also today, my grandmother, out of the blue, brought up that one of her friend's daughters had twins through IVF. Knowing she was telling me this story as either a way to offer me hope or just to show she can relate to me, I kindly told my grandmother that it is against the Church's beliefs and not an option for me. My grandmother doesn't know; she's been Catholic all her life, but I don't expect her to be up to date on the Holy See's stance on reproductive technology. It's never affected her or anyone close to her, and I doubt she spends too much time familiarizing herself with any of the Church's laws, for that matter.
This all made me think about something that's always bothered me, and one of the reasons I started this blog - the fact that the Catholic voice is often, if not always, left out of discussions about infertility. I know that most people in this country aren't Catholic, but it amazes me that the Catholic side of the infertility issue is never brought up in the media. It is completely ignored. Shows about IVF never mention that many people are opposed to the procedure. The "other" side on a show like that is the fact that it's so expensive, or whether couples should give up. It's never about the moral implications, how a woman's health issues fail to be addressed, the fact that it often has a low success rate, or - God forbid! - that many embryos are destroyed in the process.
We all know the reason why this side of the debate is ignored - it is a very sensitive issue due to the millions of children who have been conceived this way. If we imply that it is morally wrong, then we are giving the impression that we are judging these families and saying these children shouldn't have been born.
It's a very tough topic, but I believe the failure of anyone to talk about this is, at best, alienating Catholic couples with infertility and, at worst, helping to misinform Catholic couples who don't know the Church views it as illicit, or why the Church does in the first place (it's not just a "rule" we have to follow, it actually makes really great sense). I know, it's actually the job of the Church to teach these couples and many priests, marriage prep couples and lay ministers are unfortunately doing a poor job at this on the parish level. But it's also the responsibility of the media to include all sides as well.
If I hadn't been Catholic, or if I hadn't been pro-life, I might have been one of those women who did IVF. I now know how dangerous that would have been for me. Through NaPro Technology and pro-life doctors, I have discovered that the medical issue causing my infertility could, if left untreated, lead to diabetes or a heart attack at an ealier-than-normal age. If I had done IVF three years ago, my PCOS and insulin resistance may never have been discovered. I'm not saying women who undergo IVF are never diagnosed with something. Some are, but many are not. It is often used as a band-aid, to the disservice of the women who really need to know what's causing their infertility.
I've been hesitant to post a lot about IVF in the past (which is unlike me because I'm very passionate about it). I guess I, too, have been afraid to offend others, or worse, their children. The issue came up when we started the support group at my parish. Of course we wouldn't discuss IVF or similar procedures, but how would we approach the topic if women who have done the procedure or were considering it came to the group? I think we decided to hand out something that stated our stance on the issues at the beginning of a meeting (we haven't had too many women attend our meetings yet, so it hasn't been a big issue).
I think our first priority is to educate other Catholic couples about the topic. But I also hope that one day the moral implications of assisted reproductive technologies will be considered by the pro-life community at large (as well as the issue of contraception).
Well, sorry to rant. I hope this doesn't offend anyone. I know how badly those of us with infertility want children. I KNOW. But I also believe strongly in the value of every human life, no matter how early on in life it is (and I don't think it's merely a personal choice; if that were the case, I'd have to call myself pro-choice). I just hope more women can find out that there's another option and that IVF isn't the only way to go. And I hope that one day NaPro Technology can become more widespread and that with diagnosis, surgery and medication, there won't be as much of a need for IVF or similiar procedures. Now those of us who are NaPro patients just need to get pregnant, and help out those stats!!
