Well it's day 18 (technically it's cd 19, but I'm writing as if it is still Monday) and this month has been a little funky so far. I went straight from spotting to mucus (no green stickers in between the red and the white for all you Creighton charters). I first saw mucus on day nine and I had a bunch of good mucus days in a row until the day before yesterday, day 16, I had a dry day. I knew something was weird, though, because my temp hadn't risen yet and was still hovering around 97.9. So the following day (Sunday) I had some more good mucus and my temp finally rose, but only to 98.2. Then this morning, my temp was back down to 97.7! I did wake up kind of early, but usually when my temp is up, waking up early may make it drop a bit, but never to pre-peak levels.
So it seems like I might not have ovulated this month, which is odd since I was apparently ovulating before my dose of met was increased. I'm fine with it, though. If it's going to happen, it will happen. I can't control my body, and I am already doing the little I can do (eating right, exercising, taking medication). Plus, I don't know for sure I didn't ovulate and I don't really know for sure I did ovulate the previous months (I'll never totally believe it unless I wind up pregnant or if it's caught on camera. Otherwise, I know from experience that tests can be wrong).
I'm not sure why I have a good attitude despite my cycles seemingly taking a step backwards. I guess I can only attribute it to God's grace. There have been a few periods in the last four years when I was really just waiting, and this is one of them (the four months between my two surgeries was another). Since my mind is truly in waiting mode, it may make possible set-backs like this easier to deal with because I'm focusing on the future, rather than on the next two weeks. I think the main reason I'm okay with it is that I've been there, done that, and I'm tired of living a life of despair. I'd rather just wait, and use this time to ask God to reveal what he has in store for me and my husband. Lately I've really found comfort in going with God's flow. I think if I truly give myself over to his will, that it might be an exciting ride. All I know is the way things currently are going sucks, so why not give God a chance to really be in control? He's got to do a better job than I've been doing at the helm (Jesus, take the wheel...take it from my hands, cause I can't do this on my own..... Sorry! Just a little musical interlude!).
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So I think I'm going to putting some prayer requests at the end of my posts from time to time when I have some (my mom often calls me with them, so some will come from her as well). If you feel so inclined, you can say a quick prayer. If not, that's okay too. Here's my inaugural edition:
Prayer intentions:
For S.D., for healing, comfort and good test results.
For N.S. for healing.
For all those struggling with infertility.
That is awesome to be able to give God the wheel. It must feel so freeing. I am trying to do that too :D
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's a split peak or a double peak? Have you been under any stress lately? (Ha, that's like asking an infertile woman "Do you like babies?")
ReplyDeleteI'm not thrilled with my cycle this month, either. I really only had ONE instance of good-looking 10KL. It was in the morning, though (we BD at night)- the rest of the time it was gummy, which I usually never get, but have had it in my post-Peak since surgery. I think I want to ask my Dr for one of those post-coital tests. Have you ever had one of those? I want to make sure my cm isn't actually working against me. Though, if it is, there's not much I can do about that, is there.
I'll keep your prayer intentions in my list of prayers. And I like your new plan of handing it all over to God... thanks for the reminder ;)
It's like I told my dr when he commented (in the nicest way possible) that I must be getting frustrated...I told him that I go thru peaks and valley's. And at some point (and after 2+yrs of TTC)you realize you've already gone thru the emotions and it's basically a hurry-up and wait game.
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong, there are days I am the lowest of low. But amazingly, I've remained optimistic and truly try to stay above despair...although, I do fail at times and then I'm reminded to hand it all over to Him.
Prayers said.
You know, I wouldn't be so sure you aren't ovulating. I think it is interesting your temp actually went up ... and really it is too early to tell whether there is a trend yet.
ReplyDeleteKeep those positive thoughts coming! I enjoy reading about how God is giving you the blessing of peace and trust.
You've had a lot of stress recently with your husband's surgery. I would second the idea that you might have a double peack this cycle. That's awesome about your weight loss though!! I'm glad to hear that your husband is recovering well.
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