A very happy anniversary

First we had no power (three days). Then we lost internet (not even two full days, but it seemed like forever). Now things are back to normal, thankfully.

And just in time for our wedding anniversary.

Today is our seventh. Seven just seems... like a long time. Doesn't it? Six is just a little more than five, which isn't much at all. And seven is inching closer to ten, which is a really long time. Ha.. I know in a few years I'll probably look back on this time and think how we were just starting out.

We are, in a way, just starting out. Two babies, only one who is walking and neither who are fluently talking. It's exciting!

I always worried about being the older parents, thanks to infertility. But now that we are, it's kind of nice to feel younger. I know we're not all that old, but we could easily have teenagers (no lie - we freak out a little when we find facebook friends from high school who are now grandparents. Okay, so they are usually step-grandparents, but still). Instead, we are parents to babies, and at the very beginning of growing our family.

Of course I didn't expect it to be this way seven years ago today. When I was struggling with infertility, I used to say if I could just know. Know how it would all turn out. If I'd be a mother. If I'd be childless forever. But I don't think I could have handled knowing that first night, after the party had ended. Could you even imagine? I envision being visited by a guardian angel of sorts, and having it all played on a projector screen in front of me. I know myself and I know I would have broken down watching the first five years and would have been crying so hard I wouldn't have even made it to the part where it showed my babies' faces. I would have feared the cross with every fiber of my being.

But if I were told we would have babies... I would have been okay. I could have made it through. And what good would that have done? I was forced to trust God during those years because had no idea how it would all end. God, in His infinite wisdom, brings it one day at a time.

I often think about where I'd be today if not for infertility. Three kids by now? Maybe four? I know I would have taken a lot for granted. I'm not saying that all fertile women take their families for granted, I'm just saying that I would have. I know this because I catch myself doing it even now. Me, the girl who cried for nearly six years because she wanted so badly to be a mother, sometimes takes her family for granted. Just tonight when Luke was doing something - I can't honestly even remember what - and I didn't want to have to deal with it right at that moment, I gently reminded myself that if I could have asked my infertile self if she'd want to deal with a fussy baby, she would have said yes. She would gladly cut off her right arm to deal with the fussiest baby that ever lived. And I would have. Well maybe not cut it off. Or, if I did cut it off I would have at least hoped for a pleasant baby. That only seems fair.

Well this has gotten very off topic. So I will wrap it up by saying happy anniversary to the most wonderful husband I could have ever dreamed of. I love everything about our life and wouldn't have it any other way.